Sometimes we get stuck seeing things our way. Would you like to see some things through another set of eyes? Maybe it will make you think and stretch or maybe just chuckle or shed a tear. Here is my world through my eyes...
I learned something amazing recently. I found out that my mother-in-law, who is in her ninth decade of life, has been going to the gym five days a week. Our friend Gloria rents a room from her, and most weekday mornings they go to the gym together. Since my mother-in-law has back trouble, she uses a walker. Gloria loads the walker into the car, and when they get to the gym, she takes the walker out of the trunk for my mother-in-law so she can use it to make her way into the gym. Mom walks twenty minutes on the treadmill and rides fifteen minutes on the stationary bike. She feels bad because she has to hold onto the treadmill while she's walking. (I told her I hold onto the treadmill most of the time when I'm walking too, and I'm thirty years her junior!)
I was pondering what some of the other patrons must think when they see what trouble and effort it takes Mom to get into the gym in the first place, not to mention the energy she must expend to actually use the equipment. I was imagining their inner dialogues might go something like this: "Well, if that lady can be here exercising day after day, I figure I can too!" I expect that on days when they have had to drag themselves there--perhaps barely making it--seeing Mom and her perseverance must be a motivation for them to keep going, to not give up.
Apparently this is the case. Mom related that the staff have told her that she is in inspiration to a lot of people who come there to exercise.
I know Mom can't do all the things she once could. Sometimes she feels like there's not much she can do any more. But she's an inspiration to me for doing what she can. And it appears she is an inspiration to others as well, most of whom she doesn't even know.
So the next time you feel too old or too young or too busy or too tired, or that you're just a little fish in a big pond and can't be much help or inspiration to anyone, think of my mother-in-law. Just do what you can, be consistent, and do your best. While you're helping yourself, you might even help someone else!
My father-in-law (when he was well) and I shared something in common. And now I notice that my youngest daughter is picking it up as well. We enjoy the edges and crispy parts of a nicely cooked pizza with lots of cheese. My wife likes to make homemade pizza nearly every Friday. In our home we are cheese lovers and needless to say plenty of cheese gets put on the pizza, not to mention plenty of other good things as well. Sometimes when we are lucky a little of the cheese escapes over the edge of the pizza and gets cooked to a crunch on the edge of the pan. That is good stuff. Still though, we love the rest of the pizza. I wouldn't give up the rest of the pizza just to get a couple bites of crispy cheese. Not only is it our favorite but it is also the favorite of lots of other folks who have been invited or had one brought to their home when they needed it most.
Sister Sheri Dew tells how in her visits to New York City that she heard many New Yorkians tell how they loved Central Park. Well Sister Dew had been a number of times and didn't see what was so great about it. It was big, but nothing spectacular about it. Until one day she found herself going into the park farther than she had ever done. She had been on the edges a number of times but not deep into the park, and when she went in farther then she understood why so many people praised and lauded Central Park. She saw some of the treasures that make central park so great, memorable and lovable. (No One Can Take Your Place, p7-8)
I have never been to Central Park but I can understand her story because I have seen many things in my life that don't seem all that great when viewed or only known on the outside. Or even if a little effort is put into getting familiar with them. People are often that way. We know them a little and we think we have the book on them. Books covers can also be misleading. We often see books with fantastical art that the stories inside cannot keep up with. But other books have rather plain covers that do not at all represent what great things are inside for us to learn or experience.
Sister Dew tells how on that particular day she was going deeper into Central Park and seeing many things that amazed her that she had no idea were there because she had only skimmed the edges. She didn't know there was a castle in Central Park for example.
Those of us who are a little familiar with Sheri Dew will not be surprised that she compared this great increase in her appreciation for Central Park, as a result of her going further into it than she ever had before, to the gospel. She suggests that the more deeply we go into the gospel, the more right down the middle of the doctrine of Christ we go, the more beautiful and amazing it will be to us. Whereas if we just cut the corners and skim the edges that we will miss many amazing and wonderful things.
C.S. Lewis said "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea....We are far too easily pleased" (A Mind Awake, 168).
Sometimes I can't help but think that members who decline or postpone preparing themselves for the temple are indeed too easily pleased with the gospel. They are missing a major delicious part by convincing themselves that whatever keeps them from the temple is better because they can't imagine the blessings of the temple.
One thing in particular I think that women miss a lot is information and doctrines related to the Priesthood. I've heard ladies ask at times "why is he telling us about Priesthood stuff" when a Bishop took the opportunity to teach the Relief Society about the Priesthood. The Priesthood is as important to the ladies as it is to the men, although possibly in different ways, so I would hope they would learn how the Priesthood fits into the gospel.
When I was a young man and talked to my Bishop to tell him I was taking a vacation that could lead to a lengthy absence if all worked well, because I was asking a young woman in another state to marry me. He said that was fine because I was worth more to the church married than I was single at that time of my life. (I suppose some might wish to debate that.) Sister Dew asserts that the more we know and understand the gospel the more useful we are to the Lord. I suspect that is true.
She concludes quoting President Hinckley and then commenting: "'The gospel makes so much sense!'...It is the good news. And the more we probe its depth and breadth, the more likely we will be able, regardless of the opposition, to once again stand loyally by God and by Jesus, and to do so without so much as even flinching at the onslaught of the world."
A Doc Chritensen painting. [Notice the elderly man to the right]
I have noticed something interesting about men and their church attendance the past few years. Single men seem to attend church less consistently than married men. Even men who are married but away from their family for work, training or other reasons attend less regularly. I have observed many of these men coming less often despite having been a regular attender when they are with their family.
On the other hand I have seen some very diligent men who come regularly without their spouse or family attending with them, but this is a minority. I know of a man whose wife had Alzheimer's, another whose wife decided she didn't believe the gospel anymore and others whose wife didn't want or couldn't attend for other reasons. What causes men who attend regularly with their family but less so when they are on their own?Why is it easier for men to participate fully when their wife encourages them but when she isn't a part of the motivation the men seem to find other things more important? And then there are those men who are faithful even when their wife discourages them from attending? How do we become a man who can respond to our wife's encouragement to do good but continue on doing good if that is absent?
So what does this have to do with Manly Men? In last April Conference, Elder Walter Gonzalez of the Seventy said in his talk, "Love is a powerful influence to our hearts in our effort to be obedient....Love for a mother, father, or spouse can also inspire or obedience to gospel principles." That came together for me due to noticing the activity patterns of men as stated above.
What is it that we men need to do in order to assure that our personal testimony is strong enough to carry us through any times when we may not have our wife to attend church with us? There are a variety of reasons including physical and mental illnesses that may keep our wife away from church regularly, irregularly or permanently. Another is if our wife loses faith or gets a stake calling that keeps her visiting other wards frequently. Possibly our wife could have a job that interferes with their attending church regularly.
Speaking of the job, I have had a couple of occasions when I have had work that interfered with my church attendance. I know it was hard for my wife during those times, but nevertheless she went to church and participated regularly. Which brings up the companion observation that I notice that women--whose husbands are not members, are not faithful attenders or who are ill--much more regularly find their way to church. What do we Manly Men need to do to match the commitment to the gospel that the women of our church often seem to have?
Surely it is acceptable to allow our love for our wife to encourage us to be more consistent in following the Savior by doing many of the things that we are instructed and directed by the scriptures and the leaders of the church. That of course would include attending church, the temple, having family scripture study, home evening and prayers in the home. Surely that is one reason we marry a righteous woman so that we can benefit from her influence to help us be a better man.
Wife helping husband reach higher
Ultimately we have to allow our wife's influence and our love for her to lead to the source. The source is the Savior and we have to build our own reliance upon Him and relationship with Him so that if/when the time comes when we have to stand alone, that we can continue to grow in the gospel and not be retarded or derailed because we are weaker than we allowed ourself to believe. Sure we want to follow Him with our wife always at our side but we must develop a testimony and desire to follow Him that can stand independent and alone if necessary. In other words we need to love Christ.
"Lovest thou me?"
"Follow me" (John 21:15-19)
As Elder Gonzalez continued in his talk: "Love is a powerful influence in our hearts in our effort to be obedient. Love for our Savior inspires us to keep His commandments....The way we treat others reflects to what extent we follow our Savior in loving one another. We show our love for him when...we make and keep covenants."
Let us develop our love for the Savior separate and in conjunction with our wife, so that our wife and family can depend on us to be Manly Men even when she or they may not be able to provide the support and encouragement that may be desired.
Sometimes we do a lot of talking but it seems like the talking we do isn't meaningful or important. I ran across this quote many years ago that got me thinking about what we talk about and what it may say about our thoughts and ourselves.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. --Eleanor Roosevelt
I really like this quote as it helps us to see what things are of most value to talk about. If we are talking about people, it is very often in the manner of gossip and character assassination. If we talk about events it is often just going over what has happened but not adding anything of value or even indicating how it has changed us for the better. Talking about ideas, however, seems to indicate that we are thinking and putting our thoughts into words and discussing them with a friend, now that shows some real effort, and a desire to learn and grow by taking the time to express them.
I have fond memories of many times when I was in college talking with friends about ideas based on what I had learned recently in class or through my own study. Again as I served as a missionary with lots of time with companions we often discussed ideas of importance. It is true that many, maybe most of those ideas didn't turn out to be correct or all that great, but they were the beginnings of some of my best efforts in thinking. Many of the posts I write started out from discussions in years gone by with close friends including my wife. Sharing those times with people whose opinions I value has really been a blessing in my life.
I don't think I am any mighty example of greatness, but I have learned that the power of discussing thoughts and ideas have a great influence on us as we gain confidence in ourselves. Not so much confidence that we are right but rather that we are well on the road to what is right. Maybe that is the model of greatness, being on the right road and headed in the right direction.
Friday I was at an all staff meeting for District 19 Community Services Board. We were having the typical meeting with various presentations and then it changed. A singing group and band from the Sycamore Center was there to give an example of healing music. The Sycamore Center is a day treatment facility for seriously mentally ill people. The director of the band was remarkably well spoken and well prepared as he presented a speech before their performance.
All the members of the group were in recovery. In an effort to have the singers dressed alike they had obtained a white T-shirt for each of them. Due to their disability most did not wear it with any pizazz at all and looked like a ragtag group. This was not your typical singing group and several had pot bellies and some looked scared and unsure. Many looked down in humility as they started the song. They didn't look very slick or smooth as we are often accustomed with our entertainment.
But then they started singing "Lean on Me" and all the imperfections fell into the background as the song was more meaningful being sung by people that had really been through some tough times with their mental illness. They sang beautifully and there were few dry eyes in the audience. Before it was all done the audience was spontaneously all on their feet, holding hands in a huge circle around the gymnasium where it was held, singing along and swaying to the music .
As the band and singing ended and we clapped loudly for several seconds I realized I had been holding the hand of a woman on my left that I didn't even know and a big fellow on my right. People I wouldn't typically hold hands with. But with the sense of brotherhood and sisterhood engendered by the song the whole audience was moved to join together in one big chain of humans in a show of support and caring for each other and appreciation for the music and message.
Even noticing the fingernails and tattoos on the woman to my left made me see that the music had the ability to bring disparate people together and indeed we could all lean on each other. So in life when we see those who may be disabled, we need to accept that they certainly have talents just like we do that can inspire people to be better and feel the spirit of happiness and love. Don't count them out but rather let them blossom where they stand. I wish you could have been there to experience it.
Lean on Me lyrics
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show
You just call on me brother, when you need a hand (Chorus)
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Second Verse
Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
You just call on me brother, when you need a hand (Chorus)
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on
If there is a load you need to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (if you ever need a friend)
Call me (Call me)
Call me
Call me (if you need a friend)
These two views of Lazarus' rising were pictures I took.
These video's below give you a little bit of info about Angela Johnson and her sculptures.
This first video is just over a minute if you don't have much time.
This second video she explains more about getting into sculpting and what it has meant to her personally. This is six minutes long.
This last video is views of several of her sculptures shown to the song "Do You Have Room" by Shawna Belt Edwards.
It has been over three weeks since the earthquake that started this disastrous period in Japan. And it appears that it won't be over for some time. It is likely that eventually it will grow weak in our memories except for those that are living it and worried about their loved ones. Isn't that the American way to move on to the next big news bite?
Starting with an earthquake on March 11 followed by a tsunami and then an extended nuclear reactor catastrophe life hasn't been so precarious and precious for the Japanese since WWII. This time our country is not inflicting war damage but is providing help and succor for our friends.
My thoughts have turned to two Japanese students that we had in our home a few years ago for Christmas. My nephew and his family are in Japan as well and their family dreams of a home and job teeter on the edge with all the destruction and concern with the damaged nuclear reactors.
It seems that all we work for can so quickly be lost, devalued or put into its proper perspective very quickly. It seems nothing clarifies our priorities like a disaster.
The Japanese have been such a great example of calm and patience with their lot. They have been kind to each other and working together for good. As Americans we have that capability as well but we also have the violent and harmful selfishness that leads to chaos and anarchy when we have a disaster. Peacekeepers even become warmongers and gangs become even more violent as looting and selfish destruction accompanies what nature throws our way as we learned with Katrina in New Orleans. Our human potential for good is so high and can be countered with our capacity for ill.
I remember back to 1982 when I was returning home from my mission in Thailand. Me and my fellow missionary returnees were on our way home to the U.S.A. After nearly two years in Thailand living in their culture and being missionaries it was almost incomprehensible to return to our homeland of wealth and privilege. After being asked the question, "Is America a real place?" at least a hundred times while serving as a missionary it seemed somehow unfair to come home to so much. We connected with our flight in Japan for my only experience in that country. With the current troubles there it has made the short stop somehow become more memorable. As if giving me a connection to the country and its people.
Let not our hearts forget them even though we feel safe and protected here in our homeland.
I have learned to love conference. It seems that when we learn to appreciate conference that we begin to understand and feel the value of our modern day prophet. That helps us to see that Heavenly Father really does care and love us today as much as any other time of the earth's existence. Not just that he loves us as a religious group but individually and as a world. President Monson is a prophet for the world, but we are the ones listening.
My daughter taught me something a while back about conference. She learned on her mission that in preparation for conference that if you will contemplate the questions you have about your life and/or the help that you need right now, and then pray with faith for the help to come, and then look and listen closely at conference that you will find the answers there. I have found that to be true. When we come prepared to listen and hear we will get the inspiration and guidance we are looking for.
Go to conference! And listen close for those answers.
I met with a client today that feels the weight of his problems pretty heavily. He started out telling me what he imagined my thoughts were before he came in for his appointment. He imagines that I take ten minutes prior to our appointment to go over affirmations for myself that I can make it through the hour we will spend together and to remind myself that the time will pass quickly. He imagines that his problems weigh on me as much as they do on him. When I told him that I enjoyed meeting with him and looked forward to our appointments he was unsure whether to believe me or not.
Later in the appointment I think he thought he would throw me a curve ball that I couldn't hit. So he wondered since I had known him for so long and knew him pretty good if I could identify five "accomplishments" in his life. I took on the challenge and surprised him with what I came up with.
As I think about our time today I realize that we all need to feel our lives have been worthwhile and have value to others and ourselves. Sometimes we live so fully in the moment of life and problems that we don't see the bigger picture. Often my job is to see that bigger picture and help my clients see it as well. Help them see how their days piece together into a large beautiful tapestry.
Each of our lives have beautiful patterns and when we can step back and see it from a distance we can appreciate the beauty of it. Too often our daily lives are so close to the weave of the tapestry and daily activities of life that we cannot appreciate that something more than just survival is happening. Certainly our tapestries are all different with different patterns, each with a beauty that requires appreciation. Maybe the appreciation will require some detailed knowledge of our life but the beauty is there for anyone that will take the time to look, including ourselves. When seen and appreciated in this way it is much easier to recognize the accomplishment and fulfillment that life, even a difficult life, can bring.
When the tapestries of our family or our society or our world are all put together the combined view is beautiful as well. So while our individual life might feel of little value in the daily grind, when seen as a whole life or as a family tapestry or a societal flow of life it fills an important place in the world, not as filler but as an integral part of the widening world around us.
After I told him what accomplishments I saw in his life he was calmer and quiet as he considered what I had said. He recognized that what things I highlighted from his life were indeed accomplishments. I started at the more concrete and finished with the more character oriented ones and I think he saw himself differently than he did before. He saw that maybe he did fit into this life and maybe wasn't the foreigner that he felt he was before.
What started with a question that he thought had no answer turned into an answer that helped him to see his valued place in life.
This reminded me of a song by Bette Midler. Maybe you can guess it. Here is a performance of it.
and a second video with pictures that add to the song.
Lyrics of From a Distance by Bette Midler.
From a distance the world looks blue and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough,
and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us. God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
what all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance
This week I've had two opportunities to teach lessons about something that has caught my eye and my thoughts from November conference 2010. Elder Andersen gave the talk entitled "Never Leave Him". Of course the "Him" is Christ. One of the ways that he spoke of has been on my mind as I considered it and have looked at my life to see how it fit.
(click on his picture to go to his talk)
He said, "The Lord said, 'Thou mayest choose for thyself.'
"I promise you, as you choose not to be offended or ashamed, you will feel his love and approval. You will know that you are becoming more like Him."
"Will we understand everything? Of course not. We will put some issues on the shelf to be understood at a later time."
"Will everything be fair? It will not. We will accept some things we cannot fix and forgive others when it hurts."
"Will we feel separated on occasion from those around us? Absolutely."
"Will we be astonished at times to see the anger a few feel toward that Lord's Church and their efforts to steal the struggling faith of the weak? Yes. But this will not deter the growth or destiny of the Church, nor need it impede the spiritual progress of each of us as disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ."
My conclusion to date is that being offended is a temptation. Somebody says or does something that could be offensive and we are tempted to be offended. If offended then we act in ways that are not in harmony with the gospel. Being offended we are disinclined to forgive, be kind, or even associate with the person in a positive way. But if we refuse to succumb to the temptation and either forgive outright, 'put it on the shelf' as Elder Andersen says or choose to view it in a different light then we leave all the good options open and do not open up all the options that cause anger or pain or disappointment or depression.
So if we follow Elder Andersen's counsel then we avoid what is mentioned in 2 Nephi 27:31-32: "For assuredly as the Lord liveth they shall see that the terrible one is brought to naught, and the scorner is consumed, and all that watch for iniquity are cut off:
And they that make a man an offender for a word, and lay a snare for him that reproveth in the gate, and turn aside the just for a thing of naught."
I like to avoid problems so I will choose to not be offended. (Remind me of that if I need that sometime.)
I like what Pres. Hinckley said about it too: "So many of us make a great fuss of matters of small consequence. We are so easily offended. Happy is the man who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way." (Oct. 2007 Conference)
"Brush aside" I like that imagery. I see me moving my hand in a 'brush aside' motion to symbolize my doing that. But the real work would be in my mind to not run it around in my head repeatedly and to not think poorly of the offender.
This topic has been a purveyor of some spiritual promptings this week. Not the least of which has been that when I read it early in the week I was given forewarning that it would be a good choice for the devotional at High Council meeting which I not been asked to do until two days later. Then again that it would make a good talk when I went to another ward today, where I wasn't expected to give a talk but did indeed fill in their program for about 15-20 minutes. The Lord knows what he is doing. I've had some comments that these remarks about not being offended were what was needed in both circumstances. Interestingly I've felt like it needed to be in my blog too. So maybe its for you?
As luck would have it I've been tempted to be offended this very week. So I'm learning and being influenced for good at the very time I'm doing the same for others. So things are working according to His plan as usual.
