Spotlight on Women #2: Benefits to thinking like a man?

[Note: Alright, I know this is a risky topic to discuss.  I realize that a man discussing it is especially teeth gritting, nevertheless I am willing to go where no man has gone before...just long enough to lead up to the video below.]

There has been a lot (of talk, books, etc. as evidenced by the pictures above) in recent years identifying the differences between the way women and men think and act.  Depending on your point of view one way is thought to be better than the other.  I suspect that both male and female ways are better in certain circumstances.  Each gender's strengths are ideal in certain circumstances.  When they are used in other situations they don't work out quite as successfully sometimes.  Consequently, my conclusion is that there are benefits to both sets of common gender strengths.  The interesting thing is that an individual person, either male or female, typically has traits of both masculine and feminine ways of thinking and behaving.  I suspect that the most well adjusted people are comfortable with skills commonly associated with both genders. 

So if both ways have their pluses and minuses it would seem reasonable to encourage those that are married to work toward "being one".  That would allow the couple all the benefits of each gender combined.  "Being one", to me, means being united or working toward the same goals together.  Included in that idea is that the strengths of both spouses need to be used to further the success of the marriage and the family.  We would expect in a marriage situation that the partners would learn from each other and become better rounded individuals over time, increasingly complementary and overlapping in skill sets.  To me one of the best things that can happen in marriage is when both couples learn to trust, respect and then learn from each other.  

Julie Hanks (click here to go to her website) is maybe best known for her singing under her maiden name Julie de Azevedo.   She is also a therapist with an active practice and shares her ideas on the Internet and other media.  She gave an interview on KSL T.V. recently where she described some benefits for women in thinking like a man.  Here are the five ways she felt could help women:
1.  Be decisive
2. Move on after mistakes
3. Making sex a priority
4. Worry less about feelings
5. Take things at face value
I HIGHLY recommend that you watch this.  I think this would be a great thing to watch together to bring up some great discussion and growth.  As you listen to the video think about yourself and which end of the spectrum you are and then think about your spouse and where they are at with these characteristics.  My wife and I did this and we agreed that some of our individual traits are not at the typical ones you would expect for our gender.  Others were quite typical.  See what you come up with.  I would be interested to hear what you gained from it if you will leave a comment.

Julie Hanks LCSW, "Thinking like a man can be helpful"

After all of that if you want to see one artists conception of possible differences between men and women check out the comic below.  If you are already overwhelmed then just skip it. 

All lost sheep are not prodigal sons

Artist: Liz Swindle

I guess one of the unique blessings of being a substitute teaching in Sunday School is that even after the lesson is over you continue thinking about it.  There is no lesson for the next week to switch your attention to.  In my case it isn't what I coulda' shoulda' done different but rather just that the scriptures continue to be on my mind and I consider other areas of the lesson and remain aware of how the things in my daily life connect with that lesson. 

I think about some of the lost sheep that I know of in my life.  I remember one mother telling me about her son that may be called a lost sheep.  That even after he stopped coming to church for quite some time he would continue to ask, "Did anyone ask about me at church?"  Even though he may have been lost, he still wanted to be remembered.

I think of various times that I have read news reports about people who were lost, either children kidnapped, hikers lost in the mountains, snowmobilers who didn't come home as expected and runaway teenagers.  Huge efforts by law enforcement, search and rescue, churches and communities ensued to try to find the missing one.  So as a whole we do recognize the value of the lost sheep or the prodigal child.

Artist: Liz Swindle

Maybe because the parables of the Lost Sheep and the Prodigal Son are so closely tied in the scriptures we often think of only boys in this role.  But there are girls who travel this road too.  Still, thinking of it so narrowly that a lost sheep or prodigal will be a young person isn't the full picture either.  A parent, adult or even grandparent can be a lost sheep too.  Let's not forget them, instead attributing being lost to youth only, but lets remember to seek out the lost of all stripes. 

I ran across some videos about Liz Swindle the artist and her working on a painting entitled lost sheep.  Hope you enjoy.

This first one is about her process leading to the painting.

This second one is a brief interview of her model for the Savior.

And the last one is a about the model for the lost sheep, even briefer than the last.

Umbrellas and manhood

I read a post today by C.Jane which you can read by clicking here.

It reminded me that umbrellas and manhood don't go together.  Since I've been a man a number of years and male gendered even longer, I should know.  There is something about umbrellas that diminish manhood in the minds of many. 

I have a umbrella hanging on my coat tree at work.  Theoretically it is for days when it is raining and I could use it to protect me from the rain as I go to my car and then into the house while it is raining.  But I have not used it once.  It never seems like I need it.  It just seems a little weak for a man to use an umbrella. 

When you get into a car you have to close the umbrella with the car door open and the rain gets in your car and on you anyway.   

But mostly it just seems unmanly. 

I have no feelings about ladies who use umbrellas, that's fine.  I see very few men using umbrellas.  I suppose in big cities where more walking than riding is done the necessity may overcome the gender bounds.  Here it is just not manly. 

So what is a man supposed to do in the rain.  Well walk quickly to his destination and let the rain get on you.  Running through the rain is acceptable but only in an emergency situation. 

 

It IS perfectly fine to have a nice rain coat that protects you well.

What is it that creates these gender expectations.  Did anybody decide this or how did it get started?

Can you see a man using these umbrellas?

 Nah!  Only one condition exists for a man to use an umbrella. 

Yep, you guessed it, to get closer to the woman he loves!  Now you know what an umbrella is for! 

Gender Identification

I am a father of four daughters and am inexperienced boys or young men.  Nevertheless I found myself in a situation with a thirteen year old boy on a 45 minute trip twice today. 

I imagined that we would be talking about things like what is important in his life, religion and so forth.  After some brief discussion of those type of things I quickly found him with his beloved android cell phone in his hand and his recounting how he got the phone and all the "apps" that his phone had.  His phone looked something like this:



So he started telling me about his apps.  Initially he decided that he would get his brownie points and showed me that he had the scriptures available on his phone.  Then he wanted me to know he had a GPS on his phone so we would be sure to get where we were going.  "You do know how to get there don't you" he asked?  Next he mentioned that he had a variety of apps that made loud noises including the "exploding phone" app and, "most annoying" he said and then played his emergency sounding apps.  He was proud of the noise app that only made noise when he tilted it so he could start and stop the noise at will.  Then he had the "cracked phone" app and the "sneezed on phone" app and then he had to show me the "fart app".  No joke, it made a variety of gastrointestinal noises.  I said, "I'm surprised your mother lets you have that app" and he said "my mother doesn't know about that one".

Due to my lack of time with young boys I had forgotten how much they enjoy a variety of sounds and the best I could think to say to him after he demonstrated all those apps was, "One day all those sounds will not be so enjoyable to you".  To which he laughed as if he couldn't imagine such a thing. 

So I realize as I write this that women do a great service to society.  Actually they do several but the one I'm thinking of right now is that because boys develope an interest in women they began to change their interests and elevate their likes and behaviors.  Consequently the world is a much better place.  Ladies, I thank you, and the world thanks you for your existence and service of civalizing the boys. 

Later I was talking to my married daughter and telling her about this experience.  She recalled an experience when she was a young girl and some friend's children were visiting.  The oldest was a boy and he was playing with a doll house that our girls had at the time.  He especially enjoyed the van that went along with it so the dolls could drive around. 



The young man was making screeching noises and crashing the van into things.  My daughter said that his play with their toys was so strange to she and her sisters that they all stopped what they were doing to watch his play.  "I had never even thought to play like that with our toys" was her comment. 
 
What would we men do without the civilizing effects of the ladies? 

Flynn vs Flint

Some people call it the battle of the sexes but I prefer to call it gender gymnastics. 

Lisa and I had some friends over to the house and one of those situations arose and I said "in like Flynn" and she made a comment about "in like Flint".  I thought we were having our post age 50 hearing difference but it became evident that she was accustomed to that phrase being "in like Flint". 

So she suggested a showdown and that I Google it.  I did.  And the result is (click here if you care to read about it) that Flynn  is the right one.  It had reference to Errol Flynn and his swashbuckling and romance laden movies.  I learned something new that the phrase not only meant to be quick, smooth or successful, but had some sexual and romantic connotations as well.  I'll have to be careful with the use of that phrase. 

It turns out that there is a phrase "in like Flint" which may have been an offshoot of the original.  Apparently there was a movie with that title (click here to read about the movie).  This movie was actually a sequel to one called "Our Man Flint" and the title may have been a play on the phrase "in like Flynn" (interestingly enough there are several different books written with this title and even at least one song plus a TV movie from 1985 it appears).  So surprisingly it appears that I won that apparatus for the males but it was closer than I thought.