Loy Krathong--repentance and forgiveness



Loy Krathong in Chaing Mai Thailand

Seeing this National Geographic picture today reminded me of when I lived in Thailand many years ago.  I never saw what the above picture shows, however.  Loy Krathong is a national holiday celebrated in some unique ways to our western sensibilities.  Rather than seeing the "floating lanterns" rising into the sky as in the picture above--I saw it celebrated in Bangkok with floating lanterns on the river.  My understanding of it's symbolic meaning was that it was a time each year that Thais would look at their lives and determine what changes needed to be made to be better.  A cross between new years and baptism in our culture.  It wasn't just a determination to do things differently but was a religious seeking of forgiveness with the hope and promise of being better in the future.  I was invited to Loy Krathong celebrations which would include a riverside launching of small floating lanterns with little things on them including money or other items representing the sins or changes that people wanted to make for the new year. 

I heard that sometimes young boys would swim out down river to collect the things on the floating lanterns for themselves.  I don't know if this was true but seemed likely with mischievous children. 

Being there at the launch of the little floats was magical as they had candles on them and you could watch them go down the river.  It seemed appropriate to me to think about our sins floating away as we remained here forever different because we had sent them away-forsaken so that we could become a better person.  I suspect in the Thai culture that there are those that this holiday has a very serious and deep religious meaning for.  While there are others that it was just fun and did not lend itself to any changes in their lives.  Just like our celebrations for Christmas or Easter. 

I find it interesting and something that we as Americans have in common with Thai people that we both desire to be better peoples.  Though we may have different national religions we both desire to improve both individually and nationally.  In America we have lots of opportunities to change from a wrong or harmful path to a more positive one.  Whether it be new years resolutions or the making of sacred covenants in temples or other houses of worship or possibly visiting a therapist to try to break old self-defeating patterns of behavior.  Let us be inspired by other cultures attempts to do the same thing, though they may have different symbolic gestures. 

The floating lanterns in the top picture must be a variation of what I had seen when I was in Thailand.  Instead of sending the lighted floats down the river they send them into the air like a kite.  I noted that the picture I had seen was from Chaing Mai Thailand and so I asked my wife who had lived there for a while if she ever saw that but she had not.  So possibly that is a new variation of the old tradition.  The idea of sending away our sins so that we can be a better person is appealing whether it is done down the river or through the air.  We then are free to be the people we really want to be not weighed down by the past mistakes.  Free to change as well as free to choose!



Manly Man Training #27: Root it out

Men have a reputation for overlooking, ignoring or accepting the way things are and showing little interest in making a change, particularly if the change might be painful.  It is true that there are exceptions among us, but nevertheless we sometimes can be slow to admit, accept or take responsibility for personal things that may need to be changed or improved. 

So what I am calling all Manly Men to do is to be honest in looking at yourself.  Open your eyes and see what needs to be changed (as I've said before, your wife can often get you started in seeing things that you've allowed yourself to be blinded to).  Accept that these things can only be taken care of by yourself and they cannot be blamed upon others, especially your wife or your mother. 

Being Manly means to be willing and able to see what is real and to recognize what needs to be changed, then of course to put in the effort, despite the embarrassment or pain to make the change.  You may find you need to ask forgiveness from others in this part.

I will admit that sometimes change will need to occur in other family members, but your focus should be on the changes you need to make and then when you are in a better place to encourage positive change in others. 

Men must view their own selves, actions, thoughts and attitudes and accept what needs to be changed, then learn how to make that change and take all the time needed to make the changes permanent.

"The Lord seeks to transform our nature, not just to modify our behavior.  The gospel of Jesus Christ is the power by which we learn to root out the causes of our spiritual illness rather than devoting all our time and exhausting our strength in the alleviation of the symptoms." Robert L. Millet (Men of Valor p. 78)

The gospel is the only way that we can even determine the actual causes of the changes we need to make, and much more provides the method to make the change.  It also provides the reasons to change and can help with the motivation to make the changes. 

This is not to imply that we are the only ones that have spiritual illness that needs rooting out and filled again with spiritual manly man strength.  Instead it means we are theonly ones that can take the responsibility to change ourselves and lead out as an example to the rest of our family to encourage them to do the same. 

Lead out by
Rooting it out
then replace it
with something better
closer to the man we are created to be
until the day comes that we are like Him
and then we will fully know ourselves for
who we really are, have always been intended to be
but needed to become.

Affirmations

I was talking with a client and he expressed that he could never please his mother.  He gave a variety of examples of how she finds fault with him constantly.  Even when he tries to do something to please her she seems to find fault.  He has even tried doing what she wanted before she nagged him about it, and each time she still has found fault with it.  He had numerous examples of how she daily would come after him and complain about him in various ways. 

My question to him was could he please himself.  For him that is the real question here.  Although extremely obnoxious and discouraging when someone we love is constantly finding fault with us, it is not critical that we be able to please others.  That is, if we successfully can please ourselves consistently.  We don't have to be fully pleased with everything we do but we must be able to do things that we want done without berating ourselves regularly so that we can have successes that we can rely on when we are put down by others.  If we have confidence in ourselves then we need not have the confidence of others (although it is still enjoyable and makes things smoother in our life).  With confidence in ourselves then, we can still meet our needs and goals adequately to move forward and grow. 

There are some ways to encourage and help ourselves gain confidence.  One way that I like and encourage my client's to do on occasion is called "affirmations".  Affirmations are positive self talk. 

Affirmations come in two varieties: first is the kind of affirmation that we repeat to ourselves telling us that we are doing something well that we have not yet mastered.  In a manner of speaking we are seeing something in ourselves that is not yet evident.  It might be stating something we want to do or become in an affirmative statement.  For example, "I can feel happy."  This kind of affirmation when repeated to ourselves often enough can lead to a belief that we can and/or are that characteristic.  Some folks would call it lying to ourselves until we believe it and do it. I prefer to think of it that if we constantly express our belief that we are becoming the desired characteristic then we can begin to seriously consider our self as being that and consequently focusing on it in a new way--as a possibility instead of an impossibility.  With that done we have a better chance of success than we did previously.   

The second type of affirmation is to repeat to ourselves a list of strengths we already actually have.  An example of this is "I am kind to others".  This serves as a reminder that we DO have strengths and as we gain confidence and remember the strengths that we already have, we increase in strength and confidence to become what we want to become.  In other words using our current strengths to help overcome our weaknesses. 

In our family we started a tradition many years ago at dinner time.  We call it "successfuls".  Each person gets to tell something they did successful that day.  It must be something they did and not something they didn't do.  For example, "I didn't yell at my sister" is not acceptable, but "I was patient with my sister" is acceptable.  I believe this has been a good habit that we have created to give each person a chance to look at their day and find something successfully done.  On some days we may not feel successful or even hopeful, but when we look closely we can see many things that we did well.  However; sometimes there were days when one daughter couldn't see that she had done something successful.  Then we would allow them to ask family members to help them.  When that happened they typically would hear more than one thing they had done successful which in itself was very affirming!

An important key to affirmations is to accept that people can change, even ourselves.  We are not stuck in old patterns but we can become something different and better.  Affirmations help affirm that ability to grow and mature and be different.  Give them a try and see if they can change your outlook on things. 

Before you try affirmations, realize that you must be consistent and read them or say them or even act them out frequently.  The more senses you use the quicker you learn them and begin to make progress.  Repeat them until they are memorized and then say them frequently, even and especially when you are weak and prone to negative thoughts about yourself.  When you can remember them with minimal effort then they are close to the surface and able to really have a chance to make a difference.  They can help change your attitude and encourage belief in yourself and your ability to succeed and be who you want to be.   

To Be or not to be?

Lynn G. Robbins of the Quorum of the Seventy made some remarks in conference that initially intrigued me and since have really stuck with me.  He talked about being and doing.  It is about who you are as a person versus your behavior.  He pointed out that these two things are different.  That what you do isn't as important as who you are.  Or more directly what you do isn't necessarily representative of who you are.  He suggests that our emphasis be put on becoming more like the Savior and that will lead to actions that are indeed more like him.  Our behavior will change to represent who we are as we become a better more Christ-like person. 

We have often been encouraged to do what we are asked of the Lord willingly.  In essence Elder Robbins is telling us to directly work on and change our inner selves and our outer self will change along with us to reflect who we really are. 

It reminded me of times in my life where I had known the right thing to do but didn't want to do it.  I even consciously knew it was right and knew I should want to do it, but alas I didn't really want to do it.  Ultimately my way of handling that conflict was that I wanted to want to do the right thing but I wasn't at that point yet.  Over time my wanting to want to be better helped prepare me to be the person inside that would lead to the actions I knew were right but did not yet do.    When our character and our actions match, peace and happiness are much more achievable!

Elder Robbins points out we make lists of things to do, but not lists of things to be.  He explains that we can check off things on the to do list when they are done, but we can't check off things to be, because they continue and don't end.  Consequently being is a lifetime commitment rather than doing, which is a time frame commitment.  Interestingly we complain about some commitments required or encouraged by the church (i.e. the time it takes to move a neighbor, the time to prepare for an activity or a lesson, and so forth) so we can go back home to remain the person we were without any permanent change.  It could possibly inhibit permanent change because we feel like we have done enough for the moment.  Permanent change is of course what the Lord is requiring. 

I couldn't help but wonder though if doing good things in a hypocritical way couldn't eventually lead us back to being what the Lord wants us to be, or at least encourage us to become better?  It didn't seem to work too well for the hypocrites of Christ's time.  It seems that if we choose to refrain from doing good because we don't feel like it then we are missing out on critical experience, so it must be worthwhile in some way or form to do the right thing even when we are not doing it willingly, or with the right spirit. 

I realize now that his talk was primarily a parenting talk but as I heard it I understood it as a motivational and explanatory, nuts and bolts, kind of talk for individuals.  (Kind of on the order of the book, The Bonds That Make Us Free by Terry Warner) When I read and studied the talk I realized it has huge value as a parenting talk and could be developed into a parenting class by leading a group in finding practical concrete ways of implementing what he teaches.

How do we approach the "to be" part of his talk.  How do we influence who we are becoming?  The world would like us to believe that we are developing but there isn't a whole lot we can do about who we are the world says.  The world would say that we cannot directly influence our behavior.  Elder Robbins teaches us that being taught and hearing (responding) to the word of God can impact who we are.  You see we believe in change, even a mighty change and that all are capable of that change to grow toward being like Christ. 

This talk is awesome!  Learn to be and not just do.

Abilities and Disabilities

In the winter it is a common thing to hear about how each snow flake is different.  It is amazing, practically unbelievable to imagine that every snowflake is unique and in some way different from every other snowflake.  Particularly amazing when our naked eye, most often, cannot see the difference. 

Then to think of people and how we each vary from one another in multiple ways--it is mind boggling.  We have multiple different skin colors, hair syles, eye colors and shapes, heights and weights, and ways of dressing just to mention a few easily noticable distinctive characteristics.  Then to overlay the variety of talents and abilities that people have adds additional layers of diversity.  So many abilities! Many of them so subtle that people often don't even know they have them or that they are distinctive from other people. 

I have talked to a number of folks who have one of those subtle, not easily noticed, abilities.  To be honest I think most if not all people have these inconspicuous talents.  They are often amazed when I point them out and even more amazed when they realize the uniqueness that they harbor.  It helps them to see the world with more clarity when they begin to see their own uniqueness and realize that each of us is exceptional and irreplaceble. 

When we think about talents and abilities we often think of the more glaring and visible ones.  I once talked with a young lady who had multiple spectacular abilities and skills.  She yearned for people to see past those to her other qualities that she considered more fundamental in making up her person.  Singing, art, comedy, instrument playing, and athletic abilities are just a few of the abilities that are more easily noticed.  Even if you take one category of abilities, for example athletic, there is a huge variance in a single talent.  Even if you take a sub-category of that ability, for example basketball playing ability there is a great variety (think of why we have dunking contests and can differentiate between dunks enough to chose a winner). 

When you consider another talent, like empathy, and consider some of the variations of that talent from one who can feel another's pain to one who can anticipate another's need.
Ultimately I must conclude that everyone has multiple abilities and everyone nust have multiple disabilities as well.  I was reading an article by Orson Scott card that you can access by clicking on this line.  It said:  "Our bodies come with a mix of abilities and disabilities. What God cares about is not what we're born with, but how we use whatever talents we've been given."

To use our talents and develope them there must be a time of discovery and then a time of growth and maturity.  Finally a time for using the talent as God intended.  And then in the process of using it we can advance the talent and magnify it.  When we consider all the desirable abilities and talents in the world it is crucial that we recognize our own and learn to use it for God's intent. 

As we develope our abilities we then have a strong foundation for overcoming, minimizing or managing our disabilities.  Though all disabilities will not be overcome in this life, by recognizing and tapping into the fruits of our strentghs (i.e. confidence, discipline, and determination that result from our recognizing and using our strengths for good) we can overcome or at least accept our inabilities.  Some disabilities may actually not be fixed while others may be incapabilities.

It is possible that as Neal Maxwell hints at that our greatest ability to God may be our availability and our greatest disability our inavailability.  "God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability."
— Neal A. Maxwell

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Till we meet again

Today one of my client’s died.  I received this information from an unconfirmed source so called the boyfriend to confirm it.  An unrecognized female voice answered the phone and I ask for the boyfriend who immediately came to the phone crying.  My client and her boyfriend they had a very unusual relationship.  A relationship of mutual dependence and respect.  Both were people that needed a lot of help in life and each one of them were able to be the help that was needed to the other in just the right amounts.  Both had ways about them that were troublesome.  Their practical need for each others skills helped them overcome the troublesome traits that each had.  They each provided trustworthy service for each other. 

I remember times when she would complain about him and something he had done and it seemed she always came around saying “that wasn’t him”.  To some that would mean that he acted out of character, but to her that was a literal statement.  She meant that someone else had taken his place and even though they looked just like him, it wasn't him.  So she found it easier to forgive him during those times.  In her mind, the real he was never anything but his best self. 

Then of course there were other times when she would just praise him for how much he had done or how he had surprised her on her birthday or for some other occasion.  It was impressive to see how much she loved him and despite their tarnished minds and bodies how they cared and helped each other. 

When one of my client’s die it makes me think of my beliefs about life after death.  My expectation is that her spirit is separate from her body and has gone to a place separate from this earth, a world of spirits.  There she has a spirit that does not have the pain or disabilities she was accustomed to living with.  I imagine that would be a relief but would also be a great exercise in discovering a new reality.  Not only have the rules changed due to death and being temporarily without her body, but her disabilities are no longer haunting her.  Two big changes to get accustomed to.   

In an odd way she was a good example to me and others of dealing with obstacles.  Her obstacles were often barriers with most of the rest of the human race.  Nevertheless she lived in the same world as all of us though she mostly experienced it different than we do.  I wish her well in her new reality and hope and expect that she will have other spirits there to help her adjust.  Maybe they will have the same titles as here; counselors and case managers.  I suspect now she will part of the majority and no longer a niche minority.   

She did well in a very inconvenient and difficult life.  My hopes and prayers for a better future go with her. 

On our side of the veil when a person dies we often have feelings similar to what this song invokes.

Hymn to the Fallen by The Mormon Tabernacle Choir

On the other side of the veil, I can't help but wonder if the feeling isn't more like what is created with this song.
Battle Hymn of the Republic--Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Glory, Glory Hallelujah! 

New pop song singes music industry

If you are interested in seeing a singer who has moved away from selling their music with sex to singing and being an upstanding citizen then you need to see this Finnish Singer and read about how she has changed.  She has had some success with her music but has changed and now wants to stand for what is right but still hopes to find success in her field.

Click on her picture to go to her web site. 
Here is her latest video of her new English song:

Her song tells the story of what she thinks of being controlled by the music industry.

To read about her story and what made the change click on these websites:

Finnish Pop Star Speaks Out on Modesty

Finnish pop star optimistic about her future 

ESC Daily speaks to Jonna

Maybe this is an example of how we should plan for our new year by standing a little taller and not bending to the pressures of the world around us but instead choosing to be more aligned with what we believe is right.

Alert: New year approaching, new beginnings recommended

Alas 2010 is coming to an end and we are about to begin a new never used fresh year.  A chance for all of us to become a little or a lot more like the person we really want to be.  Do you have things about yourself you are tired of or are embarrassed about?  Do you have new ways you want to act, think and be?  If so this is a good time to work towards those things.  Life has many beginnings and endings and this is another big chance.  However; a little warning, you shouldn't count on many more opportunities because we never know when our chances end.  [Yeah, you are right, I am thinking of Dad and although his chances haven't ended he is not consciously able to make the changes in this realm that we currently are.]

This time of year all kinds of lists come out "The best of 2010"  and of course "The worst of 2010".  Many folks like to make goals and resolutions to make changes in the new upcoming year.  Religion encourages us to make changes through repentance which is available daily/hourly and by the second.  But the New Year is a big chance to look at our strengths and foibles of the past and resolve to work harder or maybe continue our hard effort to make the changes and be the person we want to be in the future.

 For Christmas I gave Megan a necklace that represents 'New Beginnings'.  It seemed appropriate as she just recently returned from a mission so needs to return to 'normal life' a new beginning.  Of course she will incorporate many things from her great mission opportunities but in many ways she gets to change her template (oh, excuse me I am learning some blog talk), and re-establish what will get the emphasis and highest value in her life.  Her name will stay the same just like all of us but who will she be.  Just like all of us our changes will likely be minor but this new beginning for her is bigger, due to having a larger change.  Consequently even her minor changes can have larger results for now and the future.  That is why I purchased this necklace for her gift this year.  Not just to commemorate her 'new beginnings' now but to also remind her that one can always improve and strive to become that person we see ourselves as in our minds eye.

I hope we can all contemplate who we are and consider who we want to be and make plans to move a little closer to our ideal and farther away from mistakes and errors of the past.

I thought to end this with the encouraging "Good Luck!" but really that isn't it at all because I'm talking about evaluation and effort so maybe I should say "Plan well!" or "Do It" or some such thing.  Maybe Jean Luc Picard said it best "Make it so!"  I'd like to hear your suggestions.  What would be a good encouraging short statement of hope for us this year.  Let me hear it in the comments.

Show me that I might see

So I am sitting in church today and one of the speakers, a young man who is married with two young children mentions about how important example is in our lives and particularly as we teach our children.  He brings up that he is sorry that he did not serve a mission for the Lord when he was a young man.  He wonders how his lack of a good example in that area will impact his son when he is grown old enough to serve a mission for the Savior.  He is sorry for his poor example in that regard and is scared that his poor example, even before his son was ever born, will impact the future.  I couldn't help but think of what examples I set for my children and others that I care about and those that look to me, before they were born or before we even knew each other. 

That got me to thinking about the power of example.  I look back at my parents and how they were excellent examples in some things, mediocre in others and poor in some.  How did that impact me?  I do tend to follow their example in all those areas for the most part.  I mean I don't like gardening--my dad was a lover of gardening, I do not tend to complain about aches and pains just like my Mom.  There may be an argument that some things are genetic and not based upon an environmental example, but for the most part I am not talking about some of those things that easily fall into that category (i.e. the shape of my body, lack of hair, etc. etc.). Some things I have worked hard to change to be what I consider better than the example that was set for me.  Maybe the key there is that I had to recognize and conclude that I wanted to be different and put in some sustained effort to get that way.  But ultimately I am much like my parents--maybe an odd combination of the two but nevertheless I think that I would be recognized as their child by those who know them well.

Those examples in our life, particular the examples from when we are young seem to be our default (speaking computereze a language I have limited ability in).  Why is example such a powerful influence?  I have been thinking about that today.  Unfortunately I have not come to any conclusions.  Everything I think of, examples from my parents and examples as a parent as well as examples professionally and examples in my ministry at church all point to the truth that I'll state again--example is a profound powerful influence on others for good or ill.

Still my thoughts are very much frequently turned to my father-in-law in the ICU and expecting to be there for a few weeks.  He has been an excellent example to me in a variety of ways but one way that I have contemplated the most over the last few years.  While I was recently released from serving as a Bishop I often went back and contemplated the example he set for me when I was a young man and he was serving as Bishop in his ward.  During the time I stayed in MN while Lisa and I were engaged and for the first few years of our marriage he served as Bishop.  I saw him closely in his home as he would be doing something as a father or husband and then a call would come requiring he do the work of a Bishop.  No complaints, no apologies, but he would just get dressed appropriately for the occasion and then he would go do what was required and then return home, change back into the appropriate home wear and continue on.  That turned out to be an excellent and much needed example for me as I had many occasions when I was needed as the Bishop and I did as I had seen him do.

Example most often overcomes what we have been taught in other ways.  Regardless of the truth of what we have been taught or the respect we have for the teacher, that default kicks in unless we put in some great and often strenuous and lengthy effort to change and be different.

So maybe all of this just comes to prove the point that is made by Christ in the following scripture:  John 13:15 "for I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you".  We not only needed his sacrifice and atonement to overcome death and our sinful nature, but we also needed his example of what to do and how to do it right so we could follow. 

Maybe we can recognize the importance of our example soon enough that we can adjust our example to express what is really most important to us so that others can see us for who we are rather than who we allow the world to turn us into.  I hope I can be the best of those that have been profound examples for me and that my example for my children and others can lead them to truth and light rather than...the opposite.