Guest Blog: Octogenarian Inspiration

I learned something amazing recently.  I found out that my mother-in-law, who is in her ninth decade of life, has been going to the gym five days a week.  Our friend Gloria rents a room from her, and most weekday mornings they go to the gym together.  Since my mother-in-law has back trouble, she uses a walker.  Gloria loads the walker into the car, and when they get to the gym, she takes the walker out of the trunk for my mother-in-law so she can use it to make her way into the gym. Mom walks twenty minutes on the treadmill and rides fifteen minutes on the stationary bike.  She feels bad because she has to hold onto the treadmill while she's walking.  (I told her I hold onto the treadmill most of the time when I'm walking too, and I'm thirty years her junior!)

I was pondering what some of the other patrons must think when they see what trouble and effort it takes Mom to get into the gym in the first place, not to mention the energy she must expend to actually use the equipment.  I was imagining their inner dialogues might go something like this: "Well, if that lady can be here exercising day after day, I figure I can too!"   I expect that on days when they have had to drag themselves there--perhaps barely making it--seeing Mom and her perseverance must be a motivation for them to keep going, to not give up.

Apparently this is the case.  Mom related that the staff have told her that she is in inspiration to a lot of people who come there to exercise.  

I know Mom can't do all the things she once could.  Sometimes she feels like there's not much she can do any more.  But she's an inspiration to me for doing what she can.  And it appears she is an inspiration to others as well, most of whom she doesn't even know.

So the next time you feel too old or too young or too busy or too tired, or that you're just a little fish in a big pond and can't be much help or inspiration to anyone, think of my mother-in-law.  Just do what you can, be consistent, and do your best.  While you're helping yourself, you might even help someone else!

xdrive

5000 days project: a fulfilled promise

Sam and Luke with two younger brothers.

I was unable to watch the 5000 days movie: two brothers directly after conference on Sunday but I was able to watch it Monday night late.  It really was an awesome movie.  It fulfilled the promise of making a movie that was uplifting and had some meaning.  The movie works excellently to bring you into the relationship of two brothers.  The relationship isn't static over the years and it goes from hero worship of the younger toward the older to distance and wanting to be different.  Then it curves back around as they grow and mature and the relationship becomes best friends and surely one of their most meaningful relationships in life.  It culminates as the younger brother follows his older brother's example to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Luke and Sam.  Click here to read an article about the movie.

The movie brings some strong feelings to those that are watching.  Maybe the stronger your relationships or past relationships with your siblings will amplify the feelings you will feel as you watch these two very real siblings having a real relationship and growing up together and then apart.  They help each other to reach personal goals and encourage and strengthen each other whether at home or with one serving a mission and the other at home. 

Luke participating in a pioneer trek.

This is a wonderful movie that I fully intend to watch again and maybe again and again (which is very rare for me).  One of the best things is that Producer and Director, Rick Stevenson tells us that this is only the first movie in the project.  His video work was of several children as they grew up and he has several more movies in the process of being made. 

Rick Stevenson.

Rick Stevenson is not a member of the church but turns out to be related to the boys in this movie.  He was looking for people in the Seattle area that would agree to let him video tape the children through their childhood and early adult years and wanted to show some boys with good values. 

Luke on his mission in Cambodia.

He develops throughout the theme of building a relationship which blossoms and becomes fully realized with Sam as he serves as a missionary in Chile.  Sam realizes that to love others you must feel what they are feeling which of course has the risk of being overwhelmed.  To see how he relentlessly pushes himself to grow as a missionary and realizes that he must learn to love the people better and how that leads him to feel some of the things that they feel.  It is really an introspective part of the movie that can teach us all to realize what is part of loving others and the benefits of doing it. 

Sam as a youngster.

Other themes that are mentioned are hard work paying off, and never giving up.  Sam deals with some depression as a teenager as well which will touch some people who have experience with that (isn't that everybody?).  Sam was serving in Chile during the devastating earthquake and his videos and description from the area are meaningful as well, as are the feelings of the parents as they wait to find out if their son/missionary survived. 

I am looking forward to the additional movies that he puts out. 

Magnify your calling: The Story of Father Damien

In the church we have a great phrase "magnify your calling" or for the men we often say "magnify your Priesthood".  Of course many of us have used a magnifying glass to look at things.  For example my Dad used to have a good magnifying glass to look at coins when he was trying to determine the value of a coin.  A coin's value is determined by it's condition which typically means how worn it is.  The less worn, then the more worth.  The more worn the less worth.  So a magnifying glass helped a collector be able to see the coin more clearly and determine, based on certain criteria what the worth of the coin was. 

Parable of the talents

In a way we might be able to determine how valuable the Priesthood is to us by seeing what condition our Priesthood is in.  When we see that we use it rarely and don't try to understand it or maybe even pretend we don't have it, then we can see that it has little value to us.  Reminds me of the parable about the talents--the man who buried his talent to "protect" it learned that wasn't the point.  Similarly we should use the Priesthood.  If the Priesthood is magnified then it is enlarged or improved--similar to the other recipients of talents in the parable.  They increased their talents which was what the Lord wanted them to do.  Do we magnify our Priesthood?  Do we use it every chance we get?  Do we ask others if we can use it on their behalf.  In the case of the Priesthood the value may not come in what we do to or for the Priesthood but rather what we allow the Priesthood to do with us.  If we grow, mature and purify ourselves that may be how we magnify the Priesthood, by magnifying our righteousness. 

In October 2010 conference Pres. Monson said: "The priesthood you bear is a special gift, for the giver is the Lord Himself. Use it, magnify it, and live worthy of it."  I think magnifying is to find ways to use it and to make it of worth to others and also when we allow the Priesthood to inspire us to put forth the effort to purify and better ourselfs--the bearers of the Priesthood.

I've wondered about this "magnify" in this context in the past.  I've wondered if the danger wasn't that we would make too big a deal of it, or rather think we are great because we have it.  That we might try to do things that were not part of our responsibility and try to take over other people's responsibilities thinking to enlarge or magnify our calling.  So when I heard the following phrase by Kathleen Hughes back in 2004 I understood her concerns and appreciated what she taught us. 

"I, like many of you, have had numerous callings in the Church. Some have been easier for me than others, but I have tried to magnify each one. But does the phrase “magnify your calling” ever make you nervous? It has worried me! Recently I read a talk in which President Thomas S. Monson said on the subject: “And how does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it” (Kathleen Hughes, “Priesthood Power,” Liahona, Jan. 2000, 60; Ensign, Nov. 1999, 51).

In other words, don't bury it or do nothing with it, or avoid opportunities to use it but do the service that is part and parcel with it.  When we magnify the call then we call upon God to magnify us as Henry B. Eyring mentions in the following quote: "Just as God called you and will guide you, He will magnify you. You will need that magnification. Your calling will surely bring opposition. You are in the Master’s service. You are His representative. Eternal lives depend on you. (Oct. 2002 Conference)  So we get magnified when we accept and follow through on the responsibility. 

I recently heard and then read a little about a man who surely magnified his call.  He was not a member of the church but rather was a Catholic Priest from Belgium.  Father Damien was a young man who was a priest like his older brother.  Father Damien wanted to be called to be a missionary and prayed for that regularly.  However, his brother received the call to be a missionary to Hawaii.  At the last minute his brother was sick and Father Damien was asked to go in his stead.  It seems his prayer was answered. 

Eventually Father Damien volunteered to serve the 816  lepers who were quarantined and not allowed to mix with the population who didn't have the disease.  The place where the lepers lived had become a real ghetto with "drunken and lewd" behavior becoming the norm.  He arrived and turned things around.  In addition to building a church and helping the lepers recognize they needed to keep their morals despite their disease, he served the lepers by dressing their wounds, building houses and beds for the lepers, and coffins and buried them when they died.  He returned a cooperation and the rule of law to the group and his encouragement led to schools being built and started to educate the lepers.  Surely he must have thought frequently about the story of the Master healing the ten lepers and wished he could do the same. 

Something he wrote to his brother in 1873 showed the seriousness he took in his work with that population.  "...I make myself a leper with the lepers to gain all to Jesus Christ."  Doesn't it sound like something Paul would have said?  Eleven years later, Father Damien, did indeed contract the disease and five years after that died at the age of 49 literally having taken on the illness of those he had served. 

In a later year Robert Louis Stevenson wrote a letter chiding a detractor of Father Damien:  "But, sir, when we have failed, and another has succeeded; when we have stood by, and another has stepped in; when we sit and grow bulky in our charming mansions, and a plain, uncouth peasant steps into the battle, under the eyes of God, and succours the afflicted, and consoles the dying, and is himself afflicted in his turn, and dies upon the field of honour - the battle cannot be retrieved as your unhappy irritation has suggested. It is a lost battle, and lost for ever. One thing remained to you in your defeat - some rags of common honour; and these you have made haste to cast away."

Maybe we could learn from Father Damien to jump in and do the service that is required for our calling and our Priesthood.  Even if it requires our energy, our effort and even our life.  And then maybe we could share our gratitude with God for the opportunity.

Ten healed lepers, one of which expresses his gratitude.

Manly Man Training #14: thoughts determine destiny

We men can be interesting creatures.  Whether influenced by DNA, family training or cultural norms we often learn to keep our thoughts to ourselves and not share them often.  This can impact our lives in a variety of ways.  Many of us have learned that if we choose to keep our thoughts to ourselves that it can often get in the way of our relationships with our wife, if married, or interactions with ladies in general.  When we keep our thoughts to ourselves we don't get practice sharing them and when we enter a relationship with a lady and find that sharing thoughts is an important part of relationships, then we often find ourselves fumbling and inadequate. 

Related to that is we can learn to wall off our thoughts to others and keep them private creating a false sense that we can think whatever we want without causing harm to others.  This is clearly false.  Despite any proficiency that we develop in sealing in our harmful thoughts, those thoughts will leak out in our actions, body language and attitudes.  Thoughts determine what we become and who we drag down along with us, or who we lift up as we go along through life. 

In essence our thoughts become the breeding ground of all of our future and what we can become.  It's not just a case of thinking good or bad things it can also be thinking productive and righteous things or thinking valueless and worthless things.  If our time is spent thinking things of little worth then our thoughts are not germinating righteous behaviors enough or at least as often as would be beneficial in our lives and in the lives of others.  Consequently we become a person who isn't as dependable to the Lord because of our wasting our minds time in thoughts of little worth. 

Robert L. Millet says it this way: "Obviously how we think and what we think about will determine our future, even our destiny.  God and his chosen servants have entreated the men of the Church, those called out of the world, to think eternally as they act daily.  When we think eternal thoughts, our actions will be lasting and worthwhile.  When we think eternally, our impact on our homes and our society will be permanent.  When we think eternally, the things that matter most will never be sacrificed to the things that matter least.  And when we view our lives from an eternal vantage point, we will recognize that we are indeed agents on the Lord's errand; we will then do things his way." (Men of Valor p. 34-35)

In Doctrine and Covenants section 64:29: "Wherefore, as ye are agents, ye are on the Lord's errand; and whatever ye do according to the will of the Lord is the Lord's business."

As manly men we are recruits of the Lord, consequently we are his agents and we need to do things his way.  Of course we will take years to learn and hone those abilities, but if we know now an area we should change then we need to take steps to make that change or be held accountable not only for what we are doing and not doing, but for the good that making that change would lead to in our lives and the lives of others. 

So, bottom line, our thoughts need to be of eternal and lasting things, so that our attitudes and actions will be of eternal and lasting things.  Please make adjustments as necessary. 

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

Homework

Look into what an affirmation is (if you don't already know) and develop 5 affirmations based on eternal values that will guide you in becoming a righteous agent of our God. 

Stand on high ground, And don't go down, not even a little

Very often in life we find all kinds of reasons not to make a stand.  I mean there are all kinds of reasons to be wishy washy and to determine that making a stand in one area or on one particular issue will be a bother to us and our friends.  Some people will misunderstand our stand, others will quit their association with us, or others will laugh at us and still others may hate us.  All of that can be hard to deal with.  We care about what other people think.  We also care about what other people do and sometimes we follow them.  Recognizing our desire to be like others should help us know that some of them will want to be like us and will follow our example if we declare our standard.

It shouldn't be surprising that we get tempted to be weak and not make a definitive decision about standards.  If we won't make the decision in advance then maybe we'll waver under the heat and stress of the moment.  Sometimes we decide to keep the standard in our mind but don't tell others about it.  Kind of like keeping a standard secretly.  When our friends and associates don't know we have a standard then they assume we are much like them and will invite and encourage us without thinking about it to break that standard.  It is because our standards are so different from the world that this issue is a big deal.  Eventually the tire must hit the road however, and we have to act on our standard or not.  There are many weakening tactics to get us from proclaiming or being a living example of the standards.  Satan uses them all.  Embarrassment and concern with being accepted socially are two of the biggest.  When we do not declare our standards then ultimately it can be like having no standards at all--at least none different than the rest of the world.

In life many of our standards are like snap together furniture:  Most if not all standards rest on and are supported by other standards.  If one is weak then others are weak too.  If one falls then then most or all of it falls.  If one doesn't exist in our life then other standards literally don't have a leg to stand on, or in other words don't make sense or have meaning.  Our standards need to be linked together to keep each of them strong, stable and standing tall.  In addition when we 'link' with others who have similar standards then each of us becomes stronger resulting in the advice to associate with others that have similar high standards.  Ultimately the standards are there to protect us from harm. 


When we link with others we make us all stronger.  "This people have got to become of one heart and one mind.  They have to know the will of God and do it, for to know the will of God is one thing, and to bring our wills, our dispositions, into subjection to that which we do understand to be the will of God is another" (Discourses of Brigham Young, p. 221).

 Consequently we get talks from General Authorities encouraging us to make a stand.  We read about those who did take stands in the Bible, Book or Mormon, Pearl of Great Price and Doctrine and Covenants.  When we make a stand for standards then we are standing for Christ and against Lucifer.  So it is no surprise that we get tempted, embarrassed and hurt in an effort to keep us from making that stand.  Satan would prefer we don't draw that line in the sand, so to speak, designating what we will and will not do. 

Lehonti

Amalikiah

In the Book of Mormon we read about a story of Lehonti who protects himself and his troops on the top of the hill or mountain.  Amalikiah comes with an army to take them.  He sends envoys up the mountain asking   Lehonti three times to come down.  Lehonti refuses.  Finally Amalikiah comes up the hill.  If the story stopped there it would look like Lehonti's example helped Amalikiah be a better man.  Except Amalikiah doesn't come all the way up, but close and then asks Lehonti to come down just a little.  Lehonti falls for that and eventually loses his life and the safety of those with whom he was responsible because of that seemingly minor reduction in his standard.  Lehonti thought he was in control with his guards when he went down just a little.  But that was enough for Amalikiah to put his plan into motion for Lehonti to lose everything.  

This reminds me of Karl G. Maeser, the founder of what is today Brigham Young University, who memorably taught his students concerning honor. "I have been asked what I mean by word of honor. I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls — walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching ever so far into the ground — there is a possibility that in some way or another I may be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it. Can I get out of that circle? No, never! I'd die first."  Lehonti was a great guy.  He did a lot right but ultimately he went down from his lofty position just a little and that was enough to trap him.  Similarly we can be trapped and hurt if we cross the line of honor, the standards, the line drawn in the sand. 

As Elder D. Todd Christofferson said in October 2010 Conference: "To consecrate is to set apart or dedicate something as sacred, devoted to holy purposes.  True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives--that is our time and choices--to God's purposes.  In so doing, we permit Him to raise us to our highest destiny." That's what I want, my "highest destiny". 

Manly Man Training # 10: Remember

On Easter Sunday there is much to remind us of Christ.  But to be honest most of the world turns to candy, food, eggs and fun things that as a minimum co-exist with Christ and as a maximum lead us away from him.  We must be the leader in our home to show remembrance of our Savior.  Not just on Easter but every Sunday and indeed every day. 

On Easter we must be sure to attend church and let the Spirit touch our hearts with the reality of Christ and his caring and representation of our Father's caring for us.  We must share our celebration of the Savior's victory with family and close friends.  We must remember who we are and the value that we are to God.  Then let this realization help us live as God has encouraged us to do to follow him, to show our recognition of our value to Him and our acceptance of His ways as our way.  And don't forget because his atonement and resurrection are real, that our ability to repent and be forgiven is real as well. 


We may choose to participate in some of the cultural celebrations of the Holiday, but don't let the candy and the egg hunts and a gift or two take center stage from our Savior.  Let our homes remember Him. 

As a Manly Man we must remember our Savior.  We must recall he was resurrected after living his life as an example and completing the atonement.  What does that mean for us as a manly man? 

How can our example remind our families of our Savior and his life, death and resurrection?  Will our actions assure them that this is what is important to us?  That our values are in line with Him?  Will they respect us enough to desire to follow in our footsteps?  If they follow, will our footsteps lead them to Christ? 

Luke 24: Highlights

2 And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.

3 And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.

5 ...Why seek ye the living among the dead?  

6 He is not here, but is risen...

12 Then arose Peter, and ran unto the sepulchre; and stooping down, he beheld the linen clothes laid by themselves, and departed, wondering in himself at that which was come to pass.

32 And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?

36 And as they thus spake, Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.

48 And ye are witnesses of these things.

 49 ... be endued with power from on high.

53 And [they] were continually in the temple, praising and blessing God. Amen.

Guest Blog: With a Walker

I am amazed at the ability of humans to persist in the face of obstacles.  We face challenges ranging from crippling disease to inordinate ease.  (To my way of thinking, both are challenges indeed!)  I was recently reminded of the resilience of the human spirit when I was returning home from an errand.  Passing a corner lot, I saw an elderly gentleman rototilling his garden plot.  I remembered this garden as being a productive one; I used to pass it often on my early morning walks in summers gone by.  But what struck me today was that the man seemed to be using the rototiller almost as a walker, leaning on it for support as much as relying on it to prepare the soil for the seeds he would plant and nurture. 

I marveled at the old man’s perseverance, motivation,  and effort.  And cringed a bit to think that I—an able-bodied woman (albeit one with two black thumbs!)—would not be preparing a garden plot this year as he was, although it would be a much easier task for me to accomplish. 

I witnessed another example of persistence and zest for life in a handicapped woman who lives in the same care center as my mom.  We were sitting in the “town square” visiting, when this woman rolled by in her wheelchair, Fred Flintstone style.  (Remember how he powered his prehistoric stone vehicle with his feet?)  She passed by at a brisk clip, the radio in her lap broadcasting a Twins baseball game, and a smile on her face.

That’s how I want to be when I’m old.  I want to find joy in whatever I can still accomplish and experience, take pleasure in the simple things in life, and make other people smile.   And well, since practice makes perfect, I guess I better get crackin’!

X-Drive

Guest Blog: The Piano Man

A friend of mine had her piano tuned recently.  Once he arrived, the piano tuner settled in to his work, and my friend went on with hers.  Since she has four children--including two preschoolers--there is always plenty on her "to do" list, and this day was no exception.

After they'd both been working for awhile, my friend found her way back into the living room and dropped into a chair near the piano.  As she did so, she made a comment in the general direction of the piano tuner about how much she hates doing laundry.

Upon hearing her complaint, the piano tuner paused, looked up, and said, "Well, you might want to do something about that, because the more you hate something, the worse it gets." 

In the days since my friend shared her exchange with the piano man, I've been thinking about his statement, testing it against my own life experience.  So far, the piano man is batting a thousand.  For example, I hate confrontation, and when a situation arises where I feel I must be confrontive, I worry and obsess and can hardly think of anything else.  I live and re-live the dreaded confrontation scenario over and over in my mind before I ever live it in reality, thus building and feeding the anxiety and apprehension and whatever other negative feelings are conjured up.  And I believe those pre-reality confrontations make the actual confrontations worse; likely heavily influencing how they unfold. 

The piano man's observation seems to hold equally true for other things that are not on my "favorites" list : trimming the weeds, making financial phone calls, cleaning the oven, and balancing the checkbook.  The more I think about how onerous they are, the more onerous those tasks seem to become, and the more I dread them.  Whereas if I just grit my teeth--or better yet, try and find something positive in those tasks I dislike--I find they are not so distasteful (or, as a minimum, the distaste is not unnecessarily prolonged!).

My daughter Haleigh ordered some books from amazon.com over a week ago.  She's been haunting the mailbox every afternoon since then, but so far, no luck.  Tonight at dinner she announced, "I hate waiting for books to come in the mail!"  However, because those books had not yet arrived, she finally decided to read a series we recommended to her long ago (and has already devoured four out of the five books in the series!).  This caused me to reflect on how at times, the things we hate and/or avoid might actually end up leading us to opportunities or situations that bless or benefit us.  The dreaded confrontation may yield a deeper understanding of the other person; the onerous phone call may yield an unexpected fiscal bonus. 

I think the key to the piano man's pronouncement is this: that we can actually do something to change the way we feel about things.  I understand this quite well in the abstract; it's in the actual nitty-gritty of day-to-day living that my cerebral comprehension frequently fails to transform itself into action!  But I'll keep trying.  And who knows?  Maybe one day I'll actually look forward to wielding the weed-whacker.

Three Weeks of Disaster

It has been over three weeks since the earthquake that started this disastrous period in Japan.  And it appears that it won't be over for some time.  It is likely that eventually it will grow weak in our memories except for those that are living it and worried about their loved ones. Isn't that the American way to move on to the next big news bite?

Starting with an earthquake on March 11 followed by a tsunami and then an extended nuclear reactor catastrophe life hasn't been so precarious and precious for the Japanese since WWII.  This time our country is not inflicting war damage but is providing help and succor for our friends.

My thoughts have turned to two Japanese students that we had in our home a few years ago for Christmas.  My nephew and his family are in Japan as well and their family dreams of a home and job teeter on the edge with all the destruction and concern with the damaged nuclear reactors.

It seems that all we work for can so quickly be lost, devalued or put into its proper perspective very quickly.  It seems nothing clarifies our priorities like a disaster.

The Japanese have been such a great example of calm and patience with their lot.  They have been kind to each other and working together for good.  As Americans we have that capability as well but we also have the violent and harmful selfishness that leads to chaos and anarchy when we have a disaster.  Peacekeepers even become warmongers and gangs become even more violent as looting and selfish destruction accompanies what nature throws our way as we learned with Katrina in New Orleans.   Our human potential for good is so high and can be countered with our capacity for ill. 

I remember back to 1982 when I was returning home from my mission in Thailand.  Me and my fellow missionary returnees were on our way home to the U.S.A.  After nearly two years in Thailand living in their culture and being missionaries it was almost incomprehensible to return to our homeland of wealth and privilege.  After being asked the question, "Is America a real place?" at least a hundred times while serving as a missionary it seemed somehow unfair to come home to so much.  We connected with our flight in Japan for my only experience in that country.  With the current troubles there it has made the short stop somehow become more memorable.  As if giving me a connection to the country and its people. 




Let not our hearts forget them even though we feel safe and protected here in our homeland.

The Great ones will be lost no more

Sometimes it seems that we lose people in their prime.  I don't mean physical prime but rather spiritual prime.  I am thinking of some discussions my mother and I have had over the years.  She is in her 80's now and she sometimes comments that it is good that people get old and less attractive by the worlds standards, less able to do a variety of things due to physical decay and less able to do some things mentally.  She says that if that were not the case that the young people would never have the opportunity to come into their own and to be required to be responsible and learn.  It might be easy for them to be lazy and not accept the growth opportunities that they need just as their elders have needed them in their own day. 

I get the feeling that my mother knows that to be correct but that she still misses some things from her youth.  I am thirty years behind my mother but am beginning to see the changes that remind me of days gone by with a pleasant smile. 

Of course there are advantages to being old particularly if we gain in understanding and spirituality.  This great opportunity to see patterns and faith fulfilled in our own memories is very powerful and helps us accept this great world as an opportunity to grow with tests along the way to measure our growth and encourage us in the direction our God would have us go. 

Then I think of my Mom & Dad, Mother-in-law and Father-in-law who have been great examples in their lives and have lead their families to the Savior and many other people as well.  They have done great service and held leadership callings that have influenced people for good throughout their lives.  Then I see that they are struggling now and use their well developed faith to get them through these times of trials due to age and otherwise.  I imagine what the world will be like without them to be living examples to me and others and recognize that it will be my turn to be the same to my family, friends and others too.  In a way it is a bit frightful to consider replacing them to some degree.  But having seen their great example I often feel confident that I can follow them and then go through the new twists and turns with the faith they have exemplified and I have gained of my own thanks to their great example. 

But I look forward to the millennium when we will not lose the great people in our lives through death.  Instead we will be able to work with them (and work I fully expect it will be) to prepare the world for the last battle with Satan and for the end.  How wonderful it will be to stand beside them in their prime and to contribute with them to the great plan of Happiness as it moves forward for a thousand years.  I look forward to that time where we will not lose our great ones but instead will stand side by side in the great work of the Lord.  Where those fully developed great ones of the Lord will once again be with us to help us and work with us.  We will be side by side as equals but with different talents and abilities.  What a day that will be!

I'll let the hope of that day comfort me through the difficult times of their lost abilities and eventually loss of life.  Then in their footsteps I will carry on and be what they have taught me to be.  Then finally we will be together as equals, having learned our lessons on the training planet of earth, to prepare than fight for our Lord in His upcoming victories.

Thinking of you Dad (Died 1995), Mom (80+ years old), Dad (in a coma 2+ months) and Mom (Faithful through the loss of almost all by the worlds standards but certainly not by the Lord's standard).  Love your hopefully ever faithful son -- Dallas

The gift I wish I could give

I am here sitting on the couch in front of the white Christmas tree.  The one with the hand made Christmas balls and photo frames from the girls years of growing up.  Everyone is in bed and I have nearly all the lights off in the house and am just looking at the tree with it's white lights and splashes of color coming from the ornaments.  I'm seeing what thoughts enter my head as I contemplate Christmas now only five days away. 

It occurs to me as I think of the girls that I wish I could give the gift of happiness to each one of them this year.  It seems funny to me that I would think of this because I think they all are happy.  I'm not sure that it is the gift that they need right at the moment.  At least they seem happy much of the time.   

Each one of them certainly has their stresses and concerns and has to work individually to fulfill their various needs: physical mental and spiritual.  Just like all of us.  I don't even want to take that away.  I want them to have to work and struggle, realizing that will build strength for them and help them in life.

Then why do I wish that I could give them happiness?  Am I unhappy, am I projecting my own unhappiness on each of them wishing that they could be happier than I am or some such thing?  I don't think so.  I feel happy, at least adequately so.  I am pleased with what is happening in my life and feeling like plenty of good is coming out of my life and it seems like plenty of good is coming from their lives as well.  Sure they have things to learn and plenty to do to grow in life.  Experiences to have, people to love and maturity to be gained.  Sure they each have quirks that may need conquering and things they could be doing to better themselves, but I am pleased with them and with each one of their efforts to grow and to recognize and approach and achieve their potential. 

I really enjoy giving them gifts in hopes of surprising them and finding something that is helpful and meaningful to them.  My ideal gift would be one that both said "I love you so much that I have paid attention and realized this was something that you would like" and says to them "I observe you and understand you and this gift will help you see yourself more clearly".  I would like my gifts to give insight, comfort, strength or happiness to them.  Something to open their eyes to see themselves more clearly.  Maybe what I really want is to help those I love see themselves as I do that they are good and loved and to have happiness and confidence result for a time.

As I look back I think of things I have given as presents in the past and there are two things I have given repeatedly and realize I will be giving again this Christmas as well.  Two things that I believe are symbolic to the receivers if they will open their eyes and minds to get the symbolism.   

What are those things you ask?  I give hearts which of course symbolize love and acceptance and I give blankets which symbolize warmth and comfort.  Maybe those are the things I have found that most closely match my desire to tell others what I think and how I feel for them.  I don't necessarily feel that is all I want to give but those two things I find giving over and over.  Ask my wife how many hearts she has in her collection, or maybe my daughters how many blankets they have received over the years.  Do they know my feelings about these things?  Do they see beyond the thing to the symbol and know it's meaning as I give it to them and my hopes for them?  Do they realize that I believe that as they are warm and loved that they are free to be happy and to embrace life more fully, even it's challenges and hurts? 

Well, realistically they will read this and know, but the real question is will they feel?  Over time they will, I believe.  It may not be now, but as they grow and especially if they have their own children then they will begin to see and feel what I see and feel about them and they will better understand my desire to give them happiness through giving them love and warmth. 

Needless to say the best way I can give this to them as a gift isn't with the blankets or the heart shaped things, but rather those are only symbols and reminders.  I really have to give it to them by example, by showing them how to love and be loved, by showing them how to be warm toward others and to allow themselves to be warmed and comforted.  I hope I am doing that adequately, I think I am. 

I hope they can be...not so much what I want them to be...not even so much what they want to be...but I hope they can find their way to be what God has for them to be and I hope they will not settle for anything less.  And though I anticipate my example will have failures and at other times will do great good for them and that my symbols as gifts will at times be misunderstood and/or lost, I hope they will nonetheless find their way to seeing their true value and strengths and weaknesses as God sees them so they can fully realize their identity as not just my children but as His children--Children of God.

Don't give up

I'm always impressed by those who don't give up when it would be so much easier to do so.  This short little video is an example of a young woman who didn't give up: 

http://video.aol.com/aolvideo/aol-living/heart-of-a-champion-good-morning-america/696732379001

I hope that we can be that way when we are down.

How will I explain this to my future children?

The time to start being a parent starts long before the baby is born or even conceived. 
I've heard people say "...long before you were a gleam in your father's eye" dating the mentioned activity as long before the listener was born.  The same timeline describes the best time to start preparing for parenting

Maybe you recognize the beginnings of this thought for me as coming from last Sunday at church.  As I mentioned in a blog from 11-28 a young man mentioned some things that concerned him about his pre-parenting choices.  That has been in the back of my mind this week and then a couple days ago I went into the group room at work and ran across a dry erase board that had been used during an education/support group for those stopping substance abuse.  It outlined the story of one woman who had done drugs and alcohol for a portion of her life, even through the conception and carrying of her child to term.  Then shortly after the birth of her child she realized the damage of what she was doing to herself and her children.  This helped her have the motivation she needed to stop using drugs.  In essence she suddenly recognized her worth and that of her children.  Now she is struggling to learn the skills and practice the behaviors of not using drugs and dealing with life through positive instead of destructive means.

I was reminded in that moment that being a parent really starts long before the child is born.  For many our preparation started even before we thought about being a parent.  When we can look at ourselves and answer the question, "how would I explain this to my future children" we will begin to see the importance of starting now to be the parent we want to be.

It occurs to me that many of us spend the first months or years of parenthood parenting ourselves and fixing areas we failed in to be better parents of our children.  Sometimes these efforts to fix ourselves are at the expense of our children in at least the distraction they cause from our children's needs.  It is much like on the job training.  Truth be told that we will all have some of these issues to work through, but if we start asking ‘the question’ now then we can prepare ourselves in advance and do a great service to future generations. 

Sometimes we as parents avoid talking about certain things with our children because we remember our behaviors of the age and feel embarrassed of ourselves and/or hypocritical of any current efforts to guide our children in a better path.  When we allow those feelings to negatively influence our parenting then we pass on our family and personal weaknesses to the next generation.  Maybe our resolve and presentation are weak because we ourselves fell into a trap we see coming for our children.  Maybe we are overzealous about a topic of instruction because we are trying to make up for our own failure; and in our extensive efforts now we succeed only in interesting our children in a behavior rather than strengthening against it.  I’ve seen some parents who think of their “glory” days as a time in their lives when they made poor choices.  Even though they hope their children will avoid those pitfalls in life, they inadvertently encourage them to repeat the error because of the enjoyment that is evident when they think back and describe their actions of yesteryear.  All of these ways of responding to our own past can have an impact on our children and therefore on their life and our grandchildren's lives.

"How would I explain this to my children" can help us at whatever stage of parenting we are in and no matter what our personal past has included.  It can help us choose a more appropriate path than the one we may naturally choose with only knowing and feeling our past and not adequately considering their future.  Our response can be the one that is right for the occasion even if we didn't live the ideal when we were at that time of life. 

So those who are not parents yet, start preparing now.  Your children will see the results of your efforts immediately upon arrival.  If you are later in your parenting life then now is the time to stop letting your past dictate your children’s future.  Follow your best self and parent your children as your current morals and knowledge direct you. 

As I write this blog two of my daughters bring me a sugar cookie and flute of milk.  The sugar cookie has on it, “We love you Dad” and the cookie is in the shape of a…cloud.  Maybe with our best efforts we can have the success we desire in guiding our children to reach their potential and be proud to be a part of our family. 

Surprise reminder of Christ

This is an awesome video. It brought tears to my eyes as I imagined what it would be like to have been there. What a surprise and a reminder of what is important this time of year. And to watch the people enjoy it and then participate in the singing. Awesome. Take a look.

Show me that I might see

So I am sitting in church today and one of the speakers, a young man who is married with two young children mentions about how important example is in our lives and particularly as we teach our children.  He brings up that he is sorry that he did not serve a mission for the Lord when he was a young man.  He wonders how his lack of a good example in that area will impact his son when he is grown old enough to serve a mission for the Savior.  He is sorry for his poor example in that regard and is scared that his poor example, even before his son was ever born, will impact the future.  I couldn't help but think of what examples I set for my children and others that I care about and those that look to me, before they were born or before we even knew each other. 

That got me to thinking about the power of example.  I look back at my parents and how they were excellent examples in some things, mediocre in others and poor in some.  How did that impact me?  I do tend to follow their example in all those areas for the most part.  I mean I don't like gardening--my dad was a lover of gardening, I do not tend to complain about aches and pains just like my Mom.  There may be an argument that some things are genetic and not based upon an environmental example, but for the most part I am not talking about some of those things that easily fall into that category (i.e. the shape of my body, lack of hair, etc. etc.). Some things I have worked hard to change to be what I consider better than the example that was set for me.  Maybe the key there is that I had to recognize and conclude that I wanted to be different and put in some sustained effort to get that way.  But ultimately I am much like my parents--maybe an odd combination of the two but nevertheless I think that I would be recognized as their child by those who know them well.

Those examples in our life, particular the examples from when we are young seem to be our default (speaking computereze a language I have limited ability in).  Why is example such a powerful influence?  I have been thinking about that today.  Unfortunately I have not come to any conclusions.  Everything I think of, examples from my parents and examples as a parent as well as examples professionally and examples in my ministry at church all point to the truth that I'll state again--example is a profound powerful influence on others for good or ill.

Still my thoughts are very much frequently turned to my father-in-law in the ICU and expecting to be there for a few weeks.  He has been an excellent example to me in a variety of ways but one way that I have contemplated the most over the last few years.  While I was recently released from serving as a Bishop I often went back and contemplated the example he set for me when I was a young man and he was serving as Bishop in his ward.  During the time I stayed in MN while Lisa and I were engaged and for the first few years of our marriage he served as Bishop.  I saw him closely in his home as he would be doing something as a father or husband and then a call would come requiring he do the work of a Bishop.  No complaints, no apologies, but he would just get dressed appropriately for the occasion and then he would go do what was required and then return home, change back into the appropriate home wear and continue on.  That turned out to be an excellent and much needed example for me as I had many occasions when I was needed as the Bishop and I did as I had seen him do.

Example most often overcomes what we have been taught in other ways.  Regardless of the truth of what we have been taught or the respect we have for the teacher, that default kicks in unless we put in some great and often strenuous and lengthy effort to change and be different.

So maybe all of this just comes to prove the point that is made by Christ in the following scripture:  John 13:15 "for I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you".  We not only needed his sacrifice and atonement to overcome death and our sinful nature, but we also needed his example of what to do and how to do it right so we could follow. 

Maybe we can recognize the importance of our example soon enough that we can adjust our example to express what is really most important to us so that others can see us for who we are rather than who we allow the world to turn us into.  I hope I can be the best of those that have been profound examples for me and that my example for my children and others can lead them to truth and light rather than...the opposite.