Manly Man Training #22 : Do some good

Sometimes in our world today men have the reputation for doing whatever has to be done. That translates differently for men in different situations and has both positive and negative connotations.

In days gone by many men prided themselves in doing whatever it took to support their family. They did jobs that were difficult and dirty and jobs that did not use their best talents or engage them intellectually. They just did whatever it took to be sure their families had at least the bare minimum and hopefully more. I think that is an admirable trait: willingness to go beyond the comfortable or the preferred to take care of the family.

Nowadays, though; when we talk about men doing whatever has to be done it gets understood that men will do what it necessary, but no more. That leads our minds down a totally different road thinking of men who go to work but won't help around the house or spend all their time in front of the T.V. or involved in selfish pursuits that give little if anything to the family.

So which is it for you? As a Manly Man are you willing to do whatever is necessary and within your power to make sure your families needs are met and maybe some wants too? Or are you a guy who does the bare minimum and then checks out; never doing anything that is out of your comfort zone or requires growth on your part for the betterment of your family?

The latter man suggests a lack of connection to his family, a lack of commitment to the family and a lack of energy, effort and caring for those who are most important in his life. D&C 58:27 "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness."

Of course in this scripture the word "men" refers to both genders but for our purposes here I am talking to Manly Men. This scripture tells us that we should be anxiously engaged. This suggests effort, enjoyment and full participation. Anxiously engaged in our families would be good. "And do many things of their own free will". This suggests to me that we should be involved so much that we notice what needs to be done and don't leave it up to our family to ask, compel, beg or guilt us into doing stuff. Of course I'm not suggesting that everything will be evident to us and of course we will need guidance, support and encouragement from our wife and family, but we need to be attentive to life and the needs of the family members as well. "And bring to pass much righteousness" of course suggests that our efforts should be good and worthy efforts not just the bare minimum.

Certainly there are times as men when we are worn out physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually and our attention or efforts will not be our best. But they should always be the best we can manage at the time. If for some reason we are depleted then we need to make our spouse aware of that so they will know and can help us as they are able. If we keep these times to ourselves then not only do we miss out on support and help but we also pretend that we are better than we are and need nothing which will lead to our receiving just that. However; if we find that we are hurting and less able much or all of the time then we need to seek help so we can approach our best selves, our families deserve that.

"All men have been given special powers and within certain limitations should develop those powers, give vent to their own imaginations, and not become rubber stamps. They should develop their own talents and abilities and capacities to their limit and use them to build up the kingdom" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 257).

This comment by President Kimball really reminds us that we are unique and have special abilities even "powers" as he calls them. These defining characteristics were probably what made us appealing to our wife in the first place. We of course need to develop them and use our imaginations to better use and grow them for the benefit of our families, ourselves and even our societies.

The kingdom is waiting for us to develop them. Whether we refer to our own homes and families or the church and God's kingdom or our neighborhoods, country and the world. We are needed whether our talents only help to support our families (physically, emotionally and spiritually) or goes beyond that to aid and supplement the needs of the world.

Let us not do the minimum, but develop ourselves and our families and God's kingdom so that we all benefit from our best. As Manly Men we need to lead out and be a good example to all around us.

X-drive hits the wild blue yonder

Happy Birthday, and that cake not only looked nice but taste's awesome.

This cake was made by Jan, the same baker that made both girls wedding cakes.

Sweets for after the cake is gone.

Another heart for the collection. 

A gift from our in-house artist.

A gift from the Minnesota Contingent.

There are not enough churches

I was at work the other day talking with my coworker.  Somehow the conversation turned to how many different churches there were.  It is true that in our world there are very many churches.  If we look at the Christian denominations alone there are about 38000.  In the world there are many more religions and they are connected in various ways through current affiliation or through history to other religions.  It appears that there are 19 major religions throughout the world of which Christianity is the largest making up about 1/3 of religious people in the world.    

My friend pointed out that there are lots of concerns and sometimes complaints about all the different churches.  Some people think there are too many churches.  This is where he took off on an unanticipated tangent.  He pointed out that in the Christian religions, and maybe others, the basis of the church is the home.  That is where the majority or religious teaching occurs through instruction as well as by example, typically of the parents.  Church attendance is actually a support to the teachings in the family.  Without the family teaching and supporting religion in the home there would not be churches he suggested. 

His view ultimately was that there were not enough churches in the world because every home needed to be a church in and of itself.  Over the whole earth that would make an estimated one billion churches.  I was intrigued by my friend's thoughts on the matter and have thought about them since our discussion. 

His assertion that the family is the center of the church (and he further asserted the basic unit of the country) agrees with the LDS religious teachings and the emphasis is properly put on religious teachings in the home.  My concern comes when I considered trying to unify so many teachings in so many different homes.  Each home surely teaches, represents and complys with religious teachings differently.  It consistent parental effort to to unify one home religiously.  Unifying several homes would be difficult.   If every home were left to itself with no direction or no authority from outside the home it would be easy to imagine a chaotic shizm in just about every possible doctrine and belief. Would any beliefs remain common among any sizable groups in such circumstances?  Don't they all need some connection to authoritive doctrine and teachings? 

I was thinking about the various religions and how each religious group often does little things that push away other groups and alienate themselves from others.  That certainly creates a feeling that we have unreconcilable differences.  On the edges of most if not all religious groups there are those who will allow their prejudices and/or feelings of superiority to lead to verble clashes and even violence.  I certainly would not want these negative aspects from history, and recognizable in current world situations, to increase by encouraging every home to be their own religion without authoritive direction from God.   

However; my frienid certainly is right that the family needs to be a place where religious observance is paramount, safe, and where religion can be peacefully taught and lived.  Where questions can be asked without embarrasment and improvement can be made without old ties holding us back.  I conclude that religion is centered in the home and attending church is an attempt to be and have support from a wider community of people with similar beliefs.  We do manage to create a sort of unity within many or most churches today.  It is when people view themselves as different from each other in religion that we have difficulty with unity--though there are certainly exceptions and great successes in this matter from time to time.

Perhaps it would help if we all would see that we come from the same God, that our Heavenly Father is the one that put us here within His plan for us.  Accepting we come from one God might lead us to find His foundational truths that are available now on this earth.  [If we assume he created all these different belief systems then he becomes the author of the discord that he frequently warns and condemns in his scriptures and through his prophets.]  So clearly The Truth should trump what we then must call traditions of our culture, our families or to whatever we have given our allegence.  Recognizing the one true God's hand today and our true relationship to him and thus each other might humbly enable us to join together and unify.  It seems too overwhelming and implausable until the Millenium, doesn't it? 

President Howard W. Hunter said in Oct. Conference 1991:

"In the message of the gospel, the entire human race is one family descended from a single God. All men and women have not only a physical lineage leading back to Adam and Eve, their first earthly parents, but also a spiritual heritage leading back to God the Eternal Father. Thus, all persons on earth are literally brothers and sisters in the family of God.

"It is in understanding and accepting this universal fatherhood of God that all human beings can best appreciate God’s concern for them and their relationship to each other. This is a message of life and love that strikes squarely against all stifling traditions based on race, language, economic or political standing, educational rank, or cultural background, for we are all of the same spiritual descent. We have a divine pedigree; every person is a spiritual child of God."

In that talk he quoted Brigham Young as saying:  “For me, the plan of salvation must … circumscribe [all] the knowledge that is upon the face of the earth, or it is not from God. Such a plan incorporates every system of true doctrine on the earth, whether it be ecclesiastical, moral, philosophical, or civil: it incorporates all good laws that have been made from the days of Adam until now; it swallows up the laws of nations, for it exceeds them all in knowledge and purity; it circumscribes the doctrines of the day, and takes from the right and the left, and brings all truth together in one system, and leaves the chaff to be scattered hither and thither.” (Journal of Discourses, 7:148.)

President Hunter further said:

"In the gospel view, no man is alien. No one is to be denied. There is no underlying excuse for smugness, arrogance, or pride. Openly scorning the pettiness and intolerance of rival religious groups, the Prophet Joseph Smith said in an editorial: 'While one portion of the human race is judging and condemning the other without mercy, the Great Parent of the universe looks upon the whole of the human family with a fatherly care and paternal regard; He views them as His offspring, and without any of those contracted feelings that influence the children of men, causes ‘His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.’ He holds the reins of judgment in His hands; He is a wise Lawgiver, and will judge all men, not according to the narrow, contracted notions of men, but, ‘according to the deeds done in the body whether they be good or evil,’ or whether these deeds were done in England, America, Spain, Turkey, or India.' (History of the Church, 4:595–96.)

"Mormonism, so-called, is a world religion, not simply because its members are now found throughout the world, but chiefly because it has a comprehensive and inclusive message based upon the acceptance of all truth, restored to meet the needs of all mankind.

"In our humble efforts to build brotherhood and to teach revealed truth, we say to the people of the world what President George Albert Smith so lovingly suggested: 'We have come not to take away from you the truth and virtue you possess. We have come not to find fault with you nor to criticize you. We have not come here to berate you because of things you have not done; but we have come here as your brethren … and to say to you: ‘Keep all the good that you have, and let us bring to you more good, in order that you may be happier and in order that you may be prepared to enter into the presence of our Heavenly Father.’” (Sharing the Gospel with Others, comp. Preston Nibley, Salt Lake City: Deseret News Press, 1948, pp. 12–13.)

Maybe the peace that we desire in the world starts in the families and then to the churches and on to communities and eventually the world.  So if we could unite our families in belief and practice then eventually we could move that to the rest of the world.  That would change our world and life as we know it.  There is a calmness, a peace, a common hope among groups that binds them together in faith and practice.  Every family could benefit from that as could our world.

Maybe the word church, as we understand it in our culture and times, is a bit devisive.  Maybe 'every home a chapel' [rather than every home a church] would better communicate that each home could be a sacred and peaceful place for family members to dwell and to learn the values that will spread from each home into the surrounding world.

L.Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Appostles

Excerpts from April 2003 Conference address

In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is more important than ever to make our families the center of our lives and the top of our priorities. Families lie at the center of our Heavenly Father’s plan.


We will use all of the resources we have to encourage greater harmony, greater love, and greater influence in the Lord’s special designated unit—the family.

We need to make our homes a place of refuge from the storm, which is increasing in intensity all about us. Even if the smallest openings are left unattended, negative influences can penetrate the very walls of our homes.

We hope that by flooding the Church with family-oriented media, members of the Church will be assisted and encouraged to build stronger and better families. We hope it will cause a conscious and sustained effort in building an eternal family unit. An abundance of Church materials will be available for you from which to pick and choose useful ideas. At least by seeing family issues mentioned so often, we all will be reminded to focus our attention on the most important organization the Lord has established here on earth.

May it be our resolve...to build a gospel-centered home, a safe harbor from the storms of the adversary. Let us again remember the promises and instructions from the Lord to His children:

“The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.

“Light and truth forsake that evil one. …

“And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers.

“But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.”(D&C 93:36–37, 39–40)

17th

Somewhere between the "Sweet Sixteen" birthday and the initial adulthood birthday of eighteen lies the seventeenth Birthday.  For many it is not that exciting.  Today in our own mild way Haleigh celebrated her 17th birthday and had a great time.  It started with our families traditional going out to eat and ended with of course Bruster's ice cream, but in the middle you can see for yourself.

What could be causing the bag to tremble from the inside?
Very inside joke--surely not a writhing reveler.

It's amazing but her first cell phone at age 17!



And the first call is from her sister Hilary!

A reminder of younger years "Happy Birthday music box" from Grandma.

Not watermelon but even better, art supplies!

Hugs for Grandma!

The "unknown hug".  Anyone can imagine themselves getting that bear hug.

The art portfolio bag with the accurate letter tag.

Modeled by Haleigh herself.

And of course there must be books!

 All this was wrapped up by downloaded music from one sister and an Aunt, a promise of a card in the mail from another and a check from Grandma and Grandpa.  And a day at Dad's work--what could be better?  A great happy birthday to our youngest who is not so young anymore.

Manly Man Training #7: Parenting: Everything depends on it

Many of us are parents, plan on being a parent or hope to be a parent.  Many men make the assumption that they will be a father some day and then don't put much more thought into it than that.  We don't take the time to realize what a great opportunity or responsibility it is to have a child and to raise them in righteousness.  Those who have children currently will be thinking about now that the man who is yet to be a father doesn't realize how hard it is.  Then those fathers that are closer to my age might think that those men and fathers who are younger don't realize how 'worth it' it is.  Maybe those older than me would note how fleeting or fast those years go with the children in the home.  All of those ideas may be true.  But at every stage, the responsibility is still high to be an active and influential father.  Being a father is critical and requires our best efforts at every stage. 

When I say our best efforts I refer to the best we can do at the time.  If the best we can do is to make a mistake then we will also have to do some taking responsibility and correcting.  Correcting of ourselves for sure but correcting the misperceptions our children garnered from our error.  [As an example one common misperception is that it is okay for fathers to be angry.]

President Gordon B. Hinckley has pleaded that we “work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.”

He continued: “I ask you men, particularly, to pause and take stock of yourselves as husbands and fathers and heads of households. Pray for guidance, for help, for direction, and then follow the whisperings of the Spirit to guide you in the most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting." (Each a Better Person,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2002, 100.)

"How", you might ask, "does everything in life count on it"?  Let me tell you how. Your eternity and quite possibly the eternity of your children may count on it not to mention your wife.  Your enjoyment and appreciation of life will depend on it.  You may try to hide it by any number of ways, but when you have a moment to youself, your diligence in your family will be how you determine your own value.  Your children's enjoyment and love of life including the people they choose to be around and even be attracted to will be greatly influenced by you.  And maybe most telling, their thoughts about Heavenly Father and their perceptions of their relationship with Him will be colored by their relationship with you. 

That's how.  So do your best and when you are at a loss follow your wife's lead.  Which of course infers you need to make a great choice not just of wife but a wife who is well prepared to be a great mother.  You did you say?  Well you have a great start.  But even so, remember, your part is critical!  Don't let other things of less or no value interfere with this critical responsibility. 

You can do it!

Thought provoking song by Sissel

Sissel singing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

A year or two ago I purchased the Christmas DVD of Sissel singing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and orchestra in their Christmas special.  It was beautiful!  I've listened to that DVD more times at Christmas than any of the other Christmas specials they've done.  I enjoyed her voice so much that I have purchased some of her songs.  One thing that really struck me about her singing besides its beauty was that she smiles while she sings.  Something we don't see often.  Even my wife commented, and she of course is a singer, that is a rare ability.



Sissel kyrkjebø

You can go to her website by clicking on the above picture.


Sissel is a singer from Norway who often sings in English.  I recently ran across this song by Sissel that got me thinking.  Listen to her song "Ready to go home"--the lyrics are below if you would like to read them while she sings. 

Lyrics to Ready To Go Home :

(Andrew Gold / Graham Gouldman)

On the streets below these walls
Where I used to walk
Now I can barely crawl
All this darkness rising tall
Lord, shine a light for me
I'm waiting to be called
I'm ready to go home
I'm ready to receive forgiveness for my sins
I'm ready to begin
Take this river to the sea
Where the delta flows
The tide is washing over me
Take this soul to heaven's door
Show me where tomorrow lies
I'm waiting to be born
I'm ready to lay down
I'm ready now to sleep
A promise I must keep
I'm ready to go home
So tired, I lay down with these memories
I breath shallow deep inside of me

[ These are Ready To Go Home Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

This song aside from being beautiful reminds me of a few people who I have met who were ready to die.  I differentiate that from wanting to be dead.  These folks were not suicidal or even wishing they were dead but rather had lived what they considered a great life and found that they were ready to move on to the 'hereafter'.  Some are old and feel worn out and not able to do what they would like and therefore hope for an opportunity to be productive again in the next life.  Others were just anxious and curious to see what was next.  

A line from the song that has had me thinking was "I'm ready to receive forgiveness for my sins".  That could have various shades of meaning for example: forgiveness comes as we repent and not all at once at the end so if you've repented you should have received it already.   Or maybe the whole idea of the song is that the person is ready to change and be a better person, maybe that is the 'Home' that is mentioned.    However, it strikes you it is a thought provoking song that brings up a question in my mind: is it ever okay to be ready to die and move from this world or should our every effort be to remain here at all costs?

Enjoy the song and if it creates some profound thoughts in you, please let me know.  As for me I'll go home when called but I am ready to stay just now. 

Couch pain

I've heard a number of couch stories recently and some of them speak of dismemberment and necessity.  I used to think of couches as comfort and relaxation but it seems it must be well earned. 

The more normal couch stories are the ones like these.  Couch is purchased and needs to be moved into the house or to a different room.  It doesn't fit easily and all kinds of movement of the couch in mid air or hard pushing and shoving are needed.  Sofa sleepers always open at unexpected times during this process and cause damage to walls and/or people.  In these stories the couch ultimately makes it into the proper place and dominates the room by its presence. 

Then there are the less normal stories that I've been hearing lately.  Couch is purchased and no amount of physical effort or creative contortions can get it in the house.  So window is removed so it can get in and may never find its way out of the house (or room for that matter) again.  Or most recently a couch that would not go through the necessary door.  All manner of coaxing doesn't succeed, even the missionaries are unable to arrange the blessed event.  Sweating and laughing people also are unsuccessful.  One leg of couch removed shows the desperation of the owner and couch suddenly complies and squeezes through the space.  As a reminder couch is given a can of soup as a peg leg to remind it that quick compliance it prized more than the sacrifice of extremities. 

But the best story of all:  Couch cannot go up to attic apartment so it is pampered and manhandled until the Dr. cuts it into three parts, moves it into apartment and then reassembles it.  Frankenstein recliner results. 

So the lesson that is evident here?  Humans are masters of the couch. 

Appropriate question to be asked:  Why do we make couches bigger than home doors?

Interesting lesson learned:  The couches of today will require pain and effort thus leading to increased appreciation of relaxing reclining whether in the home or on the porch. 

So what now?  Houses of the future must be built with a front door and back door, but there must be a couch door as well!

How can hate be so close to love?

So there I was sitting on the couch with my youngest daughter.  She was a little teary eyed and seemed a bit nervous.  "Dad, there is something I need to tell you."  So I paid attention.  She said that earlier in the evening she had been angry and hurting and had said to those around her, "I hate my Dad".  "But", she said now, "I really love you." 

I laughed and told her that I had certainly felt that way about my parents at times when I was young.  As I look back I think what I may have hated was that they knew what to do when I didn't and I needed their help.  Many times that was a comfort, but there were times in my life that I wanted to be grown and totally responsible for myself long before I was ready to do so.  Consequently I hated not being able to be what I wanted and in a funny way glad that I had them to help or set me straight as the circumstances required. 

I'm guessing that is what she was feeling.  You see earlier in the evening she had missed the last step at a friend's house and we found out later had broken her foot.  Even later we found out she had chipped her bone and strained and maybe torn some tendons.  So she was on her backside at the bottom of the stairs with friends to help and we weren't there.  The friends called and said she wouldn't budge that she was hurt too much and so forth.  So I ask to talk to her.

"Do you want to come home or do you want the emergency crew to pick you up and take you to the ER where they will keep you much of the night as they determine what needs to be done?"  "Home" she said.  "Then you need to accept the help and get into the car and get home where I can look at your leg/foot/ankle and we can determine what to do".  I made it simple for her, not pleasant but simple and maybe I did it in a way that lacked compassion.  But it got her moving and she was soon home. 

So now you have the story.  Child hurts self.  Dad tells it like it is to get things moving.  Child gets home and realizes that although she doesn't like the method she likes the results and realizes that she loves her Dad and she's glad to be safe at home.

It is nice to be loved even if you were hated just a few minutes earlier. 

It still strikes me as odd how those feelings seem to be so close together.  Almost like the only people we can hate are those we love because the others...well we just don't have that strong of feelings for them.  I am glad my daughter can love so quickly after going through something unpleasant. And glad that I can laugh and remember my youth enough to understand.

She returned Home!

When one is married happily for many years and one's spouse leaves due to emergency for a week it is a joyous occasion when she returns home!  Since I am that one and my spouse returned home last night I am feeling pretty good knowing that when I go home she will be there today.  That is of course unless she needs to go shopping to refill various food stuffs that I may have emptied, or to take care of bills that need paying or some other things that didn't get done while she was gone. 

Actually things went pretty smooth while she was gone thanks to the two children that are home.  She did inquire regarding 2% milk.  You see we drink skim milk.  I thought I would splurge while she was gone.  It felt like I was drinking cream which was enjoyable.  However I couldn't manage getting both gallons down before she got back and so I was caught.  She focused on the fact that the remaining 2% was dated later than the left over skim.  I admitted I had splurged and unsuccessfully drank the evidence in time.  She smiled and that was that.  That is how I know she loves me! 

I did finish it off this morning so the evidence is gone and maybe if I'm lucky she will think that she dreamed it since she returned home late and was tired.  I doubt it but it was worth a try.  Besides now that she's home, things feel better and I don't need the extra comfort of the creamy 2% milk.  Things are good!