Guest Blog: Octogenarian Inspiration

I learned something amazing recently.  I found out that my mother-in-law, who is in her ninth decade of life, has been going to the gym five days a week.  Our friend Gloria rents a room from her, and most weekday mornings they go to the gym together.  Since my mother-in-law has back trouble, she uses a walker.  Gloria loads the walker into the car, and when they get to the gym, she takes the walker out of the trunk for my mother-in-law so she can use it to make her way into the gym. Mom walks twenty minutes on the treadmill and rides fifteen minutes on the stationary bike.  She feels bad because she has to hold onto the treadmill while she's walking.  (I told her I hold onto the treadmill most of the time when I'm walking too, and I'm thirty years her junior!)

I was pondering what some of the other patrons must think when they see what trouble and effort it takes Mom to get into the gym in the first place, not to mention the energy she must expend to actually use the equipment.  I was imagining their inner dialogues might go something like this: "Well, if that lady can be here exercising day after day, I figure I can too!"   I expect that on days when they have had to drag themselves there--perhaps barely making it--seeing Mom and her perseverance must be a motivation for them to keep going, to not give up.

Apparently this is the case.  Mom related that the staff have told her that she is in inspiration to a lot of people who come there to exercise.  

I know Mom can't do all the things she once could.  Sometimes she feels like there's not much she can do any more.  But she's an inspiration to me for doing what she can.  And it appears she is an inspiration to others as well, most of whom she doesn't even know.

So the next time you feel too old or too young or too busy or too tired, or that you're just a little fish in a big pond and can't be much help or inspiration to anyone, think of my mother-in-law.  Just do what you can, be consistent, and do your best.  While you're helping yourself, you might even help someone else!

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Guest Blog: An old mom helps a young mom

I have a friend who is the young mother of two active toddlers.  She posted this on her facebook page a few weeks ago:

Today is one of those days where I need to sit down and remind myself why I love being a Mommy.  Joey [her three-year old] was awful at the grocery store, and to top off the morning he poured liquid laundry detergent down the back of an elderly lady.  I've never wanted to crawl into a hole so badly.

"But at least the lady was sweet about it. She just said, "wow, I think I have enough to do a whole load."

Wow!  What an amazing gift that sweet lady gave my friend!  Instead of becoming angry or indignant, she took it all in stride.  She didn't rail at my friend and tell her what a horrible mother she was, or how she ought to watch her son more carefully, or anything like that.  Her response softened the blow and gave my friend the gift of encouragement to change her perspective on what was certainly already an embarrassing and difficult situation.  


I imagine the world would be quite a different place if we would all give gifts like that at every opportunity.


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Mom's big love

My Mom has been a good example to me over the years.  My Mother made sure I knew she loved me.  That was one of her strengths: that not only did love me but was able to deduce how I felt love and she loved me in a way that I felt she loved me.  (Some other time maybe I'll have to blog about the difference between being loved and feeling loved).  I felt loved. 

It is certainly possible, since I am the youngest, that I benefitted from her experience with my siblings.  My Mom is good at loving other people, beyond the family, too.  Oh, don't get me wrong, she sometimes gets irritated, she sometimes says the wrong thing, she can be stubborn whether for good or ill, but if we look past those few occasions then I think we can easily see that her ability to love and care for others is one of her greatest strengths.  About four years ago she made a decision that would end up changing several people's lives, some of them drastically. 

I'll take credit for getting things started like this: my family had over the previous 3 years had a couple of foreign exchange students, one from Russia and another from Mexico.  We really enjoyed each of those young ladies and had positive experiences with few difficulties along the way.  So I suggested to my Mom that she consider having an exchange student.  I could tell the idea appealed to her but she was concerned that a young teenager (ages 16-18) wouldn't want to live with such an old person with no exciting teenagers to hang out with.  I think secretly she wondered if she could handle having a teenager to be responsible for again.  These two concerns were not so easily worked out because they were in her head and would take some actual time working with the student to get over.

She chose a young woman from Russia, she went by the American name of Anny despite her name being Anya.  She was popular in Russia, with a boyfriend, a brother and parents and grandparents that were all very close.  Anny of course knew nothing of the Gospel and my Mom had told her some about it prior to her coming, but needless to say it was hard to comprehend hearing it in English and she didn't understanding much of the impact it would have on her life. Mom told me later that she chose Anny because she had a feeling that she should choose her.

Anny came and soon was learning the various ways that the gospel impacts our lives on a daily basis.  Things such as modesty, daily observance of activities to turn our thoughts and hearts to Christ, several times weekly church attendance, and caring for others.  Despite the foreign situation both culturally, religiously and family, Anny adjusted.  Because my Mother loved her so easily and willingly Anny was able to adjust very smoothly and learn the lessons of "why" instead of just doing what she had to in a new place. 

Mom loved her and taught her, calmly (okay, the occasional frustration), and in as much detail as she needed.  As a matter-of-fact, Anny ended up getting just what she needed from an elderly lady and Mom had another opportunity to do just was God made her best at.  I think God using Mom this way helped her to realize that she still had value in this life. 

Over time Anny loved going to church, made friends with teens and adults alike.  Anny participated willingly in scripture reading and study in the home.  Anny attended not only Sunday services and Wednesday services but also early morning seminary services as well. 

As time was growing to an end, Anny expressed some interest in being baptized.  Mom and I felt like she needed to return home to her family and decide if baptism was what she wanted.  After all the church wasn't even available in her town.  It seemed to Mom that she would appreciate the same consideration if it was her child in a foreign country.  So Anny returned to Russia.  In a few months Annie returned back to Mom's to attend college locally and requested to be baptized.  I agreed to do that baptism for her. 

She was happy.  She loved the gospel because she had been loved by a master (if I got the benefit of my Mom's learning from my siblings then Anny got even more because of what my Mom had learned from me).  Anny decided she wanted to go to BYU and eventually was accepted there.  Anny embraced the gospel and the gospel embraced her.  Her family was supportive all along the way.

One big day for Mom was when Anny went to the DC temple to receive her endowment in preparation for getting married in the Portland temple.  Anny with her family from Russia, was here along with Dane and some ward members.  That was a big day for Mom. 

As you know, all good true stories must have multiple new beginnings, and this is true with my Mom and Anny's story.  Anny met Dane, who coincidentally has served a mission in Russia so he spoke the language that her parents know and can communicate well with them.  Anny and Dane were married in the Portland Temple last summer.  We traveled there and experienced the excitement along with them.  Dane's family is quite large with several children (I never was able to count them all but I am thinking 13).  So Anny is getting accustomed to such a large family when she had no experience with any family larger than two children in Russia.  Anny's family of her Mom and Dad and brother were able to come for her wedding. 

Dane's family loved her brother Anton who stayed for a couple months with Dane's family and joined the church.  Anny's parents understand the gospel more than ever and who knows that when the time is right and missionaries finally move into their town in Russia but...

Anton, Anny's Dad, Dane, Anny, Mom, Anny's Mom

Anny's family took to Mom and responded to her love as easily as did Anny.  They expressed appreciation and honored Mom during their stay here.  Anny's parents paid my Mom a huge complement when they said, "We raised her for sixteen years but you are the one who helped her become the person she is today."

This story continues on and hasn't stopped and I don't expect that it will.  You see, Anny has two families now, well I guess even three.  She has her parents and brother, my Mom and the rest of us, and now of course Dane's family as well.  So a Russian girl who had a desire to learn English well, ends up a die hard Mormon with American roots dug deep into both ends of the country and ever deeper in the gospel soil.

A Mom's love can work miracles.  My Mom's love has done so more than once.   

Spotlight on Women #1: Are we not all mothers?

In life it seems that we all have the opportunity to be or play the part of mother at some point at least briefly.  Many women spend many years if not their whole life being and doing mother.  That may sound odd, but at one time or another we all do indeed have the chance to do motherly things and be motherly people to those needing mothering.  Whether we have our own children or not and even whether or not we are a woman or a man; we still play that leadership/mentorship role in the development of children whether it be a few hours, days or a lifetime. 

Some readers will recognize that the title of this post comes from a talk by Sheri Dew

Sheri Dew mentioned an experience that she had when she had taken several of her nieces on a trip to a big city.  She knew her sisters had trusted her with their safety but wasn't overly concerned about that until they were walking to the closest church for a meeting and found themselves among a bunch of drunken revelers who they had to walk through to get to the church.  She goes on to say "Feeling no small amount of anxiety, I turned toward the girls, gathered them around me, and shouted over the din, 'Stay right with me.  Don't take your eyes off me.'  With that I began to maneuver my way through the crush of humanity, constantly looking behind me to make sure the girls were right there.  The only thing on my mind was my nieces' safety.  there were moments when I truly feared we would not make it to the church in one piece.  Drunken men with boa constrictors draped around their necks and adolescents brandishing weapons sometimes blocked our way.  It was intimidating to say the least."

I've had some occasions over the years when I was in charge of a number of children and constantly was looking to see where they are to be sure they were safe and to make myself available immediately if they needed help, training or teaching or direction or even comfort.  That is what mother's often do--provide whatever is needed at the proper time.  And some mothers become aware of that time before their kids even know it and that guidance is given and consequently not even noticed since the child didn't feel the crisis before being nudged in the right direction.

But the truth is that the term mother isn't just about maternity and having children.  Being a mother is a skill set that tends to be there with women (and I believe can be developed to some degree in men).  That mothering ability can in emerge whenever needed whether it be with a person's own children, another child in need or even providing motherly comfort or advice to an adult.   

I remember a story that my mother told me about herself when she was a little girl of around five or so.  Another child was playing near her at a park and fell and got hurt and started crying.  That child was larger than my Mom at the time but she rushed over to help the child and "mothered" it despite her young age and small size. 

Being a mother is part of a woman and not limited to only women who have had children.  Don't we often see that a wife ends up mothering her husband?  Maybe we could say that mothering is a quality and not a condition.  The interesting thing with that quality is that the world is combining against that skill trying to diminish, minimize, limit and destroy it.  It is easy to see why when you consider that the more success he has killing the desire and ability to mother then he can negatively impact the lives of huge numbers of children who will not have receive the vital caring and mentoring provided by a mother.  That lack alone has and will continue to contribute to the difficulties that ours and other societies are having.  As Sheri Dew says, "what a mother teaches a child doesn't get erased." and "few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother that bore us and the mothers who bear with us".

Sometimes the question of comparing motherhood to priesthood arises.  Sheri Dew says this about that: "Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with the privilege of priesthood ordination.  it was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave woman an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate.  As President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., declared, motherhood is 'as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.'"

So ladies, when you are tempted (and I mean that literally) to downplay your role, whether it is just in your mind, word or in action please remember that your motherly skills, are indispensable to both genders and to God's plan for us all.  Please know that despite much of the world buying into the tempters plan to diminish the role of mothers, that there are many men and women alike that realize its eternal value to us individually and to the race as a whole.  It doesn't matter it the woman are young or old, large or small, strong or weak,brilliant or slow, we need all their contributions, every one!  Remember this preeminent gift that you have and please use it freely, we all need it. 

Manyly Man Training #12: Honor your Mothers

When I talk to young men or observe young men, I like to find out how they treat their mothers.  How they treat their mothers gives me clues to their view of motherhood and womanhood.  I tell my daughters that when they get married that their husband will be treating them much like he treats his mother after the first year or so.  I mentioned this to a co-worker and his comment was "or earlier!" 

The truth is that as men we learn about womanhood from our mothers at home.  Maybe we've learned some from sisters, but the next big influence is our wife.  If we are lucky we will also be able to learn about womanhood from daughters too.  But more importantly we learn how to show honor to our mothers and respect to women in general in the home by observing how our parents interact and how we are expected and allowed to treat our mother.  This is true of daughters in the home as well.  If boys and girls are allowed to be disrespectful to their mother then the the girls learn to disrespect themselves and boys learn to disrespect women in general.   

So as a manly man it is imperative that you treat your mother respectfully.  This is not only part of the commandment to "honor thy parents" but also gives  you daily detailed practice in respecting womanhood so that you can show proper respect to your wife in years to come.  It has always interested me that the commandment tells us to honor our parents with no regard about our parents honorableness. 

President David O. McKay made the following comment:

"Until 'Where's Mother?' receives no sweet response do the childish minds realize how much Mother has been to them!  Not until her smile and loving presence are but sacred memories do the children know that Mother held a place in their hearts that no one else can fill!  It's an unfortunate phase of human nature that it is always inclined to undervalue its present blessings, that of Mother's and Father's presence being no exception. . . . Not only on one day, then, should we pay tribute to our mothers; but rather make that day the means of increasing our determination and ability to make every day of the year a day in which to honor Mother in particular and every woman who desires to be like Mother" (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals, p. 454-455). 

In addition to our mothers it is important to honor our mother-in-laws.  In my experience it is the mothers in a family that smooth our life along.  We need to acknowledge and appreciate that.  How we accept our mother-in-laws will be very meaningful to our wives as well.  If we honor our mother-in-laws we can free our wives to still learn from their mother's which is all to our benefit as well. 

In order to honor and respect women we must be alert to their goodness and strengths.  We need to value what is admirable and not get caught up in things that are different or have less meaning to us as men.  As we develop as a manly man we will learn to value many characteristics outside of our experience.  We can learn that not only can femininity and masculinity work well together but also can share rolls as needed or desired.  As men we need to learn to value the feelings and experiences of women and recognize their worth not just to children or to the world in general but to us individually.  You need to see the traits of your mother in your own life. 


Our mothers and wives are experts in relationships.  It would be good to learn from their example and recognize that their actions will influence generations while our work outside the home will have a relatively short life span, and it's effect will be felt by few and remembered by less.  Our work in the home, alongside our wife, will have great dividends and be more meaningful to us eventually if not now, than our paycheck or degrees.  Follow your mother's best example and you will see what has worth and that will put other things in their proper perspective as we determine our values and priorities.