Life: Coming and Going

I'm learning that there is something that happens to a man (at least me anyway) when he gets around age 50.  Maybe it is because this is the time around when his parents, other family and friends begin to die.  Or maybe it is because that man's children are reaching the age of marriage and parenting.  Additionally aches and pains and other disruptions begin to happen and help the man see himself as he has really always been -- weak.  So between those two veils that we call birth and death there is much to temper a man and turn his thoughts from all those things that might have distracted him (money, sports, career and etc.) and those things seem to lose their allure as he contemplates more seriously than ever before where we come from and where we are going.

By accident I ran across this song on my ipod that I had forgotten about entirely.  I wanted my daughter who is close to having her first child listen to this.  This song so excellently gives the feeling of hope at the birth of a new baby, "I've been hoping I know how to raise you right".  Surely most parents have that hope.  Maybe another neighboring hope would be to add, "I hope I don't get distracted from raising you the best I can". 

The idea of having to guess about what is best at any given time is one that is true for parents.  With no experience and only half paying attention to other parents, we become a parent where all of a sudden a long train of "what do I do nows" come along.  These will actually keep us busy for the rest of our lives.  Like even now with my children who are grown that question comes up when I think about my current role.  And so...I keep making my best guess, hoping that I'll get much of what I do in the realm of "right" even if not "right on". 

This song somehow seemed to connect with feelings about my father-in-law who died a few months ago.  I remember the family prayer with the request that he be there to meet each of us as we take our turns to come through the veil in the future.  Dad was a singer and I could imagine him taking us through the veil as we closed our lives on this earth singing lullabyes as he might walk us through the night toward the light.

A beautiful song that brings the joy of those coming, the best of being here as a parent and looking forward to joining again with those who are gone before us, all together in one song.   

Cherie Call sings "Walk You Through the Night".

Walk You Through the Night

(Cherie Call)

I don’t have eyes in the back of my head
I don’t wear bright red knee high boots or a leotard with an “S”
And I only have five senses, the sixth one’s never there
When I don’t know why you’re crying I just have to guess
I see you’re having trouble sleeping, so am I.
I’ve been hoping I know how to raise you right
I can’t cast a magic spell, but I can take you for a trip around the block
Rest your head now while I hold you tight
And I will walk you through the night

As we walk beneath the sparkling stars
Your body’s getting heavier, you’re finally giving in
And my mind slips through the future, to the troubles you could have
And I don’t know how to fix them, I just have to guess
You are bound to have some nightmares, so am I
But you can count on me to hold you when you cry
I can’t take it all away
But I can tell you I’ve been down this road before
I can’t promise that I’ll always get it right
But I will walk you through the night

And if it’s raining, I will drive you
And if it’s late at night, I don’t care what time you call
I may not be the best at very many things
But I believe I love you perfectly.

Time goes by so relentlessly
I hope that you outlive me, that’s how it’s meant to be
And I believe in Heaven, but there are still some things
That I just can’t fully fathom, I just have to guess
If God will grant my wish, I will wait for you
Beyond the veil just before you slip through
And as you softly close your eyes
I will sing my lullabies to you
And before you make your way into the light
I will walk you through the night

Manly ManTraining #29: Sunday Preparation and becoming

It is my experience that a lot of men leave preparation for church up to their wives.  This is especially true when there are children involved.  Consequently the wife has not only her ownself to get ready but also all the children.  That can be a daunting task, especially if your church services are early in the morning!

So what should a Manly Man do?  Well obviously he needs to be involved in getting the children ready for church as well.  That may involve getting up early to get himself ready in order that he can make sure the children are getting bathed and dressed and fed in plenty of time to make it to church on time. 

But honestly there is more involved in going to church.  It is not uncommon that the wife sets the tone for church service.  If she brings it up and tells everyone they are going then they go.  If not then everyone stays home, sleeping late or doing whatever.  The Manly Man needs to lead out in planning and preparing to attend church.  It shouldn't be left up to the energy of the wife but the husband should be planning the night before and really the whole week to attend church.  When it is clear in the family that both leaders of the family are set on going to church and willing to do what is necessary to prepare then the children will more quickly fall in line and complain less. 

Church attendance doesn't only mean getting everyone there on time, but also refers to what you are doing when you are at church.  For instance is the man participating in church?  Is he singing the hymns?  Is he asking questions in Sunday School or sharing his opinion about things?  Does he care about apiritual things and can you tell that by seeing his behavior at church?  Men need to be an example of not just attendance, and not only church involvement, but also becoming a Man of God, or in other words, incorporating church teachings and behavior into their daily lives. 

Actually that is how we prepare for church each week, by living what we have been taught at church throughout the rest of the week.  Living church teachings daily helps us be comfortable at church and even want to be there with others that believe and live as we do.  Church isn't just about attendance but about becoming a Godly person.

Courageous: The Movie

See the movie trailer and the theme song video at the bottom of this blog.

One of the big problems of very recent years is that a father's crucial involvement in his family has been diminished.  I will grant you that in times gone by it appears that father's were granted powers, by society, that were beyond their ability to manage well.  Now, however; we find ourselves in a time where fatherhood is nearly meaningless to much of our population.  For one thing many fathers don't stick around or have any, much less meaningful, contact with their children.  Then there are the father's that do remain in contact but who play the part of Santa Claus multiple times in the year rather than a father.  Another variety are father's who do remain in the home, but either do little to nothing to influence the lives of their children, or are so controlling or out of control that their influence is harmful to the family.  

In the midst of this comes a fantastic movie that shows men in different poor varieties of fatherhood who become motivated and then make a pact to be better fathers.  In the movie they are primarily policeman and they see much of the worst of society, seeing much that is majorly influenced by poor fatherhood.  One is a father of a child he has never seen.  One is trying hard to do what is right, but due to not having had a father figure in his own life, he is just competing with his absent dad to be better than him.  Another has little to do with his children except to make decisions when needed.  And then there is the divorced father who has token contact but feels little connection.  Finally there is the father that has been struggling with keeping a job, and is desperate to work to support them.  These fathers make a resolution to be better father's with very specific hopes in mind.

There is some action for those men who want some action in their movie (gun play, car chase, a shootout etc.).  The action is not the point of the movie but is meant to show two things I think.  One, that of course policemen have some action in their lives and two, that men can be good people even in the midst of dangerous action.

There is unadulterated religion in this movie.  There is lots of prayer, there is a church scene, and there is mention of going to church regularly.  There is some testimonies of Christ and some proselytizing.

My wife commented that she was shocked that we could see a movie like this in a public theater.  Keeping in mind that the movie has been out about four weeks (which I considered a positive that it stayed in the theater that long) by the time we had seen it. We had seen a preview of this movie when we saw Soul Surfer and this was at the top of our list of movies we wanted to see. Due to a variety of things that have been going on in our lives over the last month we did not get to see it until now.

There is family dysfunction and even a gang trying to be a family in this movie showing one way that those without families try to create something to take its place.  The men in the movie are not all great father's and even with the resolution they all don't succeed.  They struggle and try and not all are successful.  The men even look like normal guys--not Hollywood types.  They aren't "pretty", some are overweight and the movie makes it clear that we are talking about real families not fantasy families.

There is a good mix of skin colors with the associated strengths and weaknesses that are often present with each one.  The movie shows though that the way to be a good father is common among them all.

This was a great movie, that really has some potential to motivate a hard group in our society to improve.  Men often avoid talking, sometimes thinking, or feeling important things about their families.  Our society has convinced many that they need not, cannot or should not spend time evaluating or examining themselves in this area of their life.  Many men have been mistreated or not mentored by their fathers and have no blueprint for what a real man should be--making them more easily influenced by societal messages of what a man should be.  This movie brings some of those feelings to the surface during the show and hopefully men will find a way to let those feelings push them to be better fathers.

It is not just that our children and wives need this.  Not even that the men themselves need this and may not know it. But ultimately our society and world need this.  I applaud those that made the movie and put it out there where it needs to be, competing with all the inept, incompetent and poor representations of fatherhood that prevail in the world.  This should make you feel something.  It should bring thoughts of your father to you.  It should make you think about the father you have been. It should make you think seriously about the father you want and need to be.  In this case, you may see more clearly with a few tears in your eyes.

Now for my sons-in-law:  I know you don't have any children yet--all the better to get started and be prepared, watch this movie, and pay close attention to what it teaches.  There WILL be a test.   Sincerely -- Dad

P.S. There were two scenes that especially touched me as a father of four daughters.  

First the scene where one father takes his daughter out to eat in a fancy restaurant.  She comments that it is really a nice place and is surprised that her father would bring her there.  He comments that she is worth it.  Then he tells her how important she is to him and asks if she will trust him with decisions about who she will date.  Then he gives her a ring to wear on her wedding ring finger until she gets married that will remind her of how much she is loved by her father.

The other is when a little girl asks her father to dance with her.  He is embarrassed and worried that people will see them dancing, so he tells her that he will watch her dance instead.  I thought that was a sure sign that later in the movie he would do the embarrassing deed.  I was kind of right, but even more meaning is foreshadowed in that scene. 

Here is the trailer for the movie:

Below is the video of the theme song "Courageous" by Casting Crowns mixed with scenes from the movie.

Modern Hero #4: Antonio Diaz Chacon

Antonio Diaz Chacom

A month ago there was a young man who really went all out to protect a little girl and in the process became a hero to her family as well as to me.  In New Mexico a six year old little girl was carrying some tostadas for her family from a neighbors house.  She was snatched from her yard by a man in a blue van.  Antonio Diaz Chacon jumped in his truck and gave chase to the man who took the little girl.  He followed as the snatcher tried to lose him by making various turns in a residential area. The perpetrator finally fled on foot after recking his van and Antonio got the girl and returned her to her home.   Antonio was attributed with saving the girls life after the police apprehended the perpetrator and found where he had stashed some tools to bind her. 

Antonio is a mechanic whose main language is Spanish and as he became the subject of a media blitz his wife had to translate his story to the reporters.  Later reports indicated that he was an illegal alien in this country.  Antonio indicated that while he was chasing the perpetrator he was thinking of his two little girls and would hope that others would do the same if it had happened to them.

He is a hero from my perspective for getting involved and protecting a little girl without concern for himself.  He didn't think about reasons not to do the right thing but instead just did it.  Thank God we still have people who will protect children, our most vulnerable members of society, even those children that are not their own. 

Antonio with his wife and daughter receiving an award for his actions.

Senior Pictures

Senior year means senior pictures and here are some of my favorites:

Guest Blog: An old mom helps a young mom

I have a friend who is the young mother of two active toddlers.  She posted this on her facebook page a few weeks ago:

Today is one of those days where I need to sit down and remind myself why I love being a Mommy.  Joey [her three-year old] was awful at the grocery store, and to top off the morning he poured liquid laundry detergent down the back of an elderly lady.  I've never wanted to crawl into a hole so badly.

"But at least the lady was sweet about it. She just said, "wow, I think I have enough to do a whole load."

Wow!  What an amazing gift that sweet lady gave my friend!  Instead of becoming angry or indignant, she took it all in stride.  She didn't rail at my friend and tell her what a horrible mother she was, or how she ought to watch her son more carefully, or anything like that.  Her response softened the blow and gave my friend the gift of encouragement to change her perspective on what was certainly already an embarrassing and difficult situation.  


I imagine the world would be quite a different place if we would all give gifts like that at every opportunity.


X-Drive

Emma's last dream

After the recent dissemination of information about Joseph's last dream, now we have some information about Emma's last dream.  Joseph and Emma were husband and wife and after Joseph's murder she was left to raise their children and they remained in Nauvoo when most of the saints left t go westward. 

Some doubt that the dream is accurate or even occurred due to the fact that it is only known through two levels of telling.  More information is available about her dream by clicking here.  The video below gives a brief overview of the dream.

To me the intriguing part of the dream is the patience required to have all her children who had died in mortality.  Was the patience for her to wait until the end of her life or was it intended to refer to additional patience after death?  Being a parent that has had a child die, I can understand the desire to have that child again and it is hoped that the opportunity to raise those children will occur in the Millennium. 

Maybe you'll find this video interesting as well.  

Daaaad!

It is true that sometimes Dad's do things to embarrass their children.  Dad''s sometimes do those things on purpose.  Mom's on the other hand tend to embarrass their children by accident most.  My Dad was not a world class embarrasser.  The most embarrassing thing I can think of about my Dad was that he didn't have much to say to my friends.  I read this article about a Dad who took it to new heights in embarrassing his son.  His son was a sophmore in High school and by luck [good or bad, you decide] the bus route was changed to go by their house last year.  Dad saw his chance and nearly every day last year waved to the school bus as it passed.  Well, he did it in a different costume everyday and indeed his son was embarrassed.  Click here to see the article.  Or if you prefer click here to go to the blog to see the various costumes that were documented. 

I am grateful for men like this who make my little antics seems small in comparison.  So maybe on second thought my kids might realize that they had a less embarrassing Dad after all. 

Here are a few of my favorites:

Peg leg pirate.

Dad's outdoor office.

scary clown

Mariachi band

Pochahontis

So, pretty much whatever embarrasing memories you have of your Dad when you were a kid, or maybe still.  Just be glad that he isn't an overachiever like this fellow. 

Home at last!

I had an experience this past week that really meant a lot to me.  It really opened my eyes to what great joy it is when a loved one returns home after a long absence.  [It gave me insight into the prodigal son and also maybe what it will be like to cross the veil].  But this situation was not a prodigal returning but rather a hero.  I'll let the pictures tell the story.  I appreciate my great friends sharing this homecoming with me. 

Waiting for family members to return from deployment in Afghanistan.  The anxious excitement after not having seen your son, father, brother, Dad or Mom in a year can be almost overwhelming especially for the young ones.  Loud celebratory and patriotic music blasts to the crowd.  The atmosphere is electric.

Miles trying to work out some of his excitement waiting for Dad.

The band waiting to play for the grand entrance.

The family waits almost patient.  The plan gained from past experience is to let Dad come to them in the stands, so they won't get lost in the crush.

Memorabilia abounds throughout the gym.

Tokens of a daughter's yearning for Dad.

Smiles not yet to their fullest wait in nervous excitement.

The moment arrives and they march in neither looking to the left nor the right, but seeing all.  The joyful sound of the welcome surely was sweet music to their ears and a great release for all the families.

The last test of discipline, to see your families faces...but not yet allowed to touch them.

Released at last the crush begins.

Families find each other.

And some try to escape to home.

Can't wait for Dad to get to him so he goes to Dad. Let the loving begin, youngest to oldest.

Mom can't wait her turn.

And discipline breaks down and things get out of order.

Finally!



Trudy's biggest smile in about a...year!



Finally Trudy's turn!

A long turn!

Finally back together again!

This reminds me of Alma 27:16-19: "...and behold, this was a joyful meeting.  Now the joy of Frederick was so great even that he was full; yea he was swallowed up to the joy of his God, even to the [near] exhausting of his strength...Now was this not exceeding joy?  Behold this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly...humble seeker of happiness.  Now the joy of Trudy in meeting her husband was truly great, and also the joy of Ayana, of Kyla, and of Miles, but behold their joy was not that to exceed their strength."

It was such a pleasure to be a part of this and see their love for each other.  Thanks so much for inviting me to share.