Sometimes we get stuck seeing things our way. Would you like to see some things through another set of eyes? Maybe it will make you think and stretch or maybe just chuckle or shed a tear. Here is my world through my eyes...
I ran across this video about Tyler Haws. Tyler Haws is a BYU basketball player (it is basketball season after all) and this video is an interview with him and his parents prior to his leaving to serve a mission in the Philippines. This video is quite inspirational as it underlines two things that I especially appreciated. First was that hard work is what has made him great in his basketball endeavors and will help him be successful in all his life activities. Second is mildly underscored that being a Priesthood man, a good man, is more important than the other things he might be good at. Enjoy the video and expect to see Tyler back with BYU maybe next season.
I met with a client today that feels the weight of his problems pretty heavily. He started out telling me what he imagined my thoughts were before he came in for his appointment. He imagines that I take ten minutes prior to our appointment to go over affirmations for myself that I can make it through the hour we will spend together and to remind myself that the time will pass quickly. He imagines that his problems weigh on me as much as they do on him. When I told him that I enjoyed meeting with him and looked forward to our appointments he was unsure whether to believe me or not.
Later in the appointment I think he thought he would throw me a curve ball that I couldn't hit. So he wondered since I had known him for so long and knew him pretty good if I could identify five "accomplishments" in his life. I took on the challenge and surprised him with what I came up with.
As I think about our time today I realize that we all need to feel our lives have been worthwhile and have value to others and ourselves. Sometimes we live so fully in the moment of life and problems that we don't see the bigger picture. Often my job is to see that bigger picture and help my clients see it as well. Help them see how their days piece together into a large beautiful tapestry.
Each of our lives have beautiful patterns and when we can step back and see it from a distance we can appreciate the beauty of it. Too often our daily lives are so close to the weave of the tapestry and daily activities of life that we cannot appreciate that something more than just survival is happening. Certainly our tapestries are all different with different patterns, each with a beauty that requires appreciation. Maybe the appreciation will require some detailed knowledge of our life but the beauty is there for anyone that will take the time to look, including ourselves. When seen and appreciated in this way it is much easier to recognize the accomplishment and fulfillment that life, even a difficult life, can bring.
When the tapestries of our family or our society or our world are all put together the combined view is beautiful as well. So while our individual life might feel of little value in the daily grind, when seen as a whole life or as a family tapestry or a societal flow of life it fills an important place in the world, not as filler but as an integral part of the widening world around us.
After I told him what accomplishments I saw in his life he was calmer and quiet as he considered what I had said. He recognized that what things I highlighted from his life were indeed accomplishments. I started at the more concrete and finished with the more character oriented ones and I think he saw himself differently than he did before. He saw that maybe he did fit into this life and maybe wasn't the foreigner that he felt he was before.
What started with a question that he thought had no answer turned into an answer that helped him to see his valued place in life.
This reminded me of a song by Bette Midler. Maybe you can guess it. Here is a performance of it.
and a second video with pictures that add to the song.
Lyrics of From a Distance by Bette Midler.
From a distance the world looks blue and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.
From a distance, there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man.
From a distance we all have enough,
and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed.
From a distance we are instruments
marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us. God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.
From a distance you look like my friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
what all this fighting is for.
From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.
It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance
I found myself at work talking to a co-worker and my father came up in conversation. My Dad has been dead for sixteen years. He was a military man having spent 25+ years in the Army.
I told my co-worker that my Dad volunteered to serve in the Army during World War 2. He was married and had two sons another had been born and died at birth. Dad went to war and when he came back his wife felt he had changed so much that she wanted a divorce. So they ended up divorced and his son's of course stayed with their Mom. The older son remembered his Dad and kept in contact with him to some degree through the years. The younger son didn't remember his Dad too much and relied on what his mother said about him and so didn't have any contact with Dad until my Mom invited him to come to my Dad's 70th birthday many years later and he came. He said he probably wouldn't have come except his own son wanted to come to meet his grandfather for the first time.
My Dad told me the story that he was so disgusted with the Army that when WWII was over and he got out of the military that he used his uniform to wipe his feet on on the back porch of the house. Dad worked as an ice man providing ice for people's "ice box" after the war. He went back into the military to go to the Korean conflict and then stayed in after that. He met my Mom and married her with her three children. Then they had me.
When Vietnam came around Dad volunteered to go to war for the third time because he was a true believer in America. At that point in his military career he didn't have to go but wanted to go. I turned 8 while he was gone and in our religion that is a big time. Because my Dad was gone my older brother baptized me a member of the church and Brother Lewis confirmed me. (For those who might remember this is the Brother Lewis who lined up a second time to kiss my wife after we were married!)
In years to come my Dad would talk about the war occasionally but was most comfortable talking to other veteran's. Other than being polite he often didn't have deep or long conversations with other people. When my Mom would have a party at the house (she loves people and having visitors) he would often spend most of the time in his room...unless there was a veteran there in which case he would get in a deep conversation about war and the military.
When the first Gulf War happened and he was an elderly fellow and couldn't get around well but I remember him getting agitated and standing up and saying very animatedly that if they would take him he would go and fight that war too!
My Mom always calls him a warrior and I would have to agree. He felt very strongly about supporting the government's decisions in matters of war. No complaining, second guessing but just ready to line up and do the hard work that had to be done because in his view that is what kept our country free. Maybe he was right and the way we think now (soldiers purposely hurting themselves to get out of Afghanistan, killing themselves to keep from going, going AWOL to avoid it and generally not being willing to do the hard work needed in a war.)
In comparison with my Dad it appears our country has lost something important in it's people as a whole and it may be that what we are missing today is something vital to maintain our freedom. Where do we go from here? Or maybe the better question, Where will we go from here. How can our young men learn patriotic duty from fathers who themselves don't have the devotion needed in something bigger than themselves to sacrifice at war?
Well here it is the last few hours of 2010 and I was thinking what would be the things that I would remember from this year. Or maybe the things that have shaped me this year and propelled me into the future year.
Well first off it was the year of the wedding. The big news is that we attended two weddings on opposite coasts of the country. First was Anny's in Portland and second was Jaime's in Washington DC. The first one we flew out there with Mom and attended and met Anny's family from Russia and her husbands large family and had a very enjoyable time. Jaime's was here and was great withLesli & Kim and our family going there and having a great family home evening the night before that will be memorable due to blessings, lindt truffles and squirt guns. We met Mike's family and went to the reception in MN.
It was also the year of Megan's return from her mission. We missed her terribly but were pleased to have her home in time for Jaime's wedding and then also to have her home for a couple months before she goes back to BYU.
It was also the year of the release. I was released as the Bishop in our ward and in a moments time things changed drastically for us. I was pleased to serve and pleased to be released. Now I am doing a variety of things like writing this blog to keep me busy and productive.
It was the year of Dad's fall. A very scary fall that has left him in a coma for weeks and been punctuated to date with improvement and reversals but most recently improvement. We look forward to seeing additional progress next year.
It was the year of the family reunion being the first of three times that at least part of our family went to Minnesota this year. We love Minnesota and it was cool in the summertime after having a very hot summer here in VA. We enjoyed the family while at the same time missing Megan who was still on her mission at that time.
This was the second year in a row that Lisa and I went to Nag's head in October, this time to celebrate our 27th anniversary, which we enjoyed a lot. It was a real rest and relaxation to go there with few demands and lots of time to think and enjoy the salt air and quiet fall beaches.
This was also the year of friends visiting. We met Peter, Gloria and Mat; friends of Megan's who came to visit. Jeremy visited for the first time since his return from India.
While we struggled through some parts and were filled with pleasure and joy through other parts of the year the most joy came from being with our family as usual. Great friends and associates (including those in the church setting as well as those at work and others) have also made it a good year.
I am thankful to the Lord for the opportunites that came both as ease and pleasure as well as those that came as work and stress to help stretch me and remind me of my maker. I hope we can all appreciate our opportunities even if they came as challenges and catastrophies. It is hard some times to be grateful for those things that are not resolved and carry us along in a stream or river with an unknown end. I hope I can hang on and be thrilled with the ride as I battle the fear of the unknown.
So Monday, I get up and it is snowing. This is remarkable, exciting, what I hope for every year and many years never see. This year getting snow in December is unusual but great. It is not predicted to be much but it is sticking on the grass and cars. Yeah!
So I get ready and go to work driving through the snow. It is great! The snow isn't sticking on the road so the roads are just wet. Smooth driving, no slipping or sliding. I get to work and work all morning and get to lunch time and enjoy a nice peaceful lunch.
The next thing I know there is a lot of activity and excitement in the clinic. People talking excitedly and moving quickly. We are closed down for the afternoon because of the snow. I look outside. Iit has stopped snowing. I look on the streets, they are wet just like when I came to work. Odd. But it doesn't keep me from enjoying the afternoon off!
Only in Virginia!
Now here it is Wednesday evening. The local schools are closed tomorrow and work is two hours late and expected to close down. Why you might ask? Because more snow is predicted. 100% sure they say. Several inches they say and it will start in the morning about the time people would be going to school and work. There is still snow on the grass from earlier in the week (also an oddity in VA since the last snow is nearly always melted by the time another snow comes).
I'm still a little skeptical because I've been in VA enough to have seen days like this. Snow predicted, 100% sure. Schools close. Next day it rains all day. I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow but I'll believe it and enjoy it when I see it.
I was talking with a young man in my office. He is in his twenties and on medication. He was complaining about the side-effects of the medication. He wanted to know why didn't they leave the side-effects out of the medication. "Why did they put those in?" He wondered if they were putting the side-effects in the medicine so they could control him or maybe so that they could make him die sooner. In this case "they" was the government who was giving him money on a monthly basis due to disability. He figured if he died sooner then the government wouldn't have to pay him so long. "Why don't they help me find a job I can do instead of put side-effects in my medicine so that I won't draw social security so long? Then I could work and not have to draw money from the government."
I tried to explain that medications were made in this case to compensate for a deficiency in certain chemical levels that he had. The symptoms of the low chemical levels were what brought him to us and the medicine was trying to compensate for that. If the medicine is successful then the symptoms will lesson or possibly dissipate.
He was unimpressed and wanted to know why they put in the side-effects.
I explained they made the medication to combat the symptoms and the side-effects were unintentional results that they didn't know would happen or they didn't know yet how to make the medicine so it would work without having those unintentional results.
Still he was unimpressed. He seemed not to understand what side-effects meant or maybe he was purposely being a pain in the goiter.
I was starting to get irritated and that is very rare for me in this setting. Then it dawned on me what he was really saying. Sure he doesn't like the side-effects but even more he doesn't like to have to take the medication. He knows, however; that if he stops taking the medication he will have consequences he likes even less.
So I started talking about the disappointment he felt in having to take medications. How it made him feel different than others his age and why it was worth it for him to take the medicine anyway. Now we were talking about the same thing and we had a good meaningful conversation that may have been helpful to him.
It occurs to me that in life we have a variety of side-effects to things. Mostly we use the term side-effects to refer to something we didn't expect. Sometimes we use the phrase to refer to consequences that were going to happen but we didn't know it. Either way we are often surprised in life by what happens. Even when our intentions are the best we can be deeply surprised at what results.
Once I went to the doctor with some ailment. He prescribed medication. I had side-effects that I didn't like and would find it very hard to function with. So he gave me another medicine to cure the side-effect. Ultimately when all was said and done I decided that I could manage the original ailment better than the risk of side-effects.
And that is the thing we must weigh in life. If I do this for the purpose of having this result will I be happy with the consequences or the side-effects? I may well get the desired result but I may not be too pleased with other side-effects. We like to know what is going to happen so we can make an informed choice but most often we only know in part and sometimes even that "knowledge" is based on faulty reasoning and we find all kinds of things happening that we didn't expect.
Sometimes in Science Fiction or fantasy stories they approach the question what would happen if we could go back in time and we purposely or inadvertently changed something. What would happen. There are lots of good stories about that idea, one of my favorites is Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus by Orson Scott Card. You might want to try it if you like thought provoking Science Fiction.
Each day we are creating history in our daily lives. We are determining some of the future now. And that future will eventually become history. We need to carefully choose now so that we can stand by what we do regardless of the results or the side-effects and then once again we must take responsibility when things go awry.
As in the case of medications the side-effects can sometimes be good. I am aware of a medication that is prescribed at least as often due to the side-effect as it is due to it's initially created intended effect.
Will we live our life and do the best we can and then recognize the good that will come and then correctly evaluate the side-effects or do we think that life should be totally predictable--no side effects added? I enjoy the opportunities and challenges that come by the unexpected (uh... much of the time). I hope I can be as positive when things don't turn out in a way that appears desirable.
What about you? Do you need to have things work your way to find the joy in life or are you able to find the joy and challenge of the unexpected "side-effects"?
