Manly Man Training #20: Creating a world, creating a better You

While reading The Hidden Christ by James L. Ferrell, I came across his idea that the creation of the world is parallel to a man becoming more like our Savior.  In essence if we study the creation of the world and apply it to us as men, we can see that we go through stages in our growth and maturity to become like the Savior similar to the creating of the earth.  It is such an interesting idea to me and I have been considering it and thinking about it.  I'm still in beginning phases but here is what I came up with: 

Initially the earth empty desolate and dark.  It is like a man before he is touched by the light of Christ or a world touched by light from the sun.  When we allow ourselves to go toward Christ, the light, then changes start to happen.  When we insist on doing things "our way", being selfish and not caring what God has to tell us and how He wants us to live then we are dark and not growing spiritually.  So when the light is introduced to us as men we can choose to allow it to light the way before us and show us the way or we can turn our backs and retreat to the dark.   

On the second day the air or firmament was created which surrounds the earth.  The air may be like the spirit that can surround us when we turn to and follow the light.  As we go toward or trust in or believe in the light, and remain in the light of God, then we have increased opportunities to be taught by and protected by the Spirit.  So the firmament is comparable to increasingly having the Spirit in our lives to open our minds and to be instructed in Godly things and to increase our understanding of the purpose of life. 

On the third day water, soil and vegetation were placed on the earth.  Now with the air and the light the earth is being prepared to grow things.  Similarly when we have turned ourselves to the light and have the Spirit to instruct us we are now being prepared to grow and become something different than we have managed to make of ourselves.  On this day seeds are planted and begin to grow just like the seeds of the spirit can be planted in us and we can begin to see them growth spiritually as well.

On the fourth day the sun the moon and the stars were put into the sky in their designated rotations.  For us this may be comparable to being around light sources that nourish and encourage us in our growth.  This may include people in our church family, the Bishop and others who can guide us.  Some will help a little and some a lot as the need and the circumstance may determine.  Christ and Heavenly Father are the ultimate light, but other lesser lights can frequently help us, even rescue us when they are acting in God's behalf and we are in need of it.   

On the fifth day are the fishes and fowls created.  These may represent larger and greater gifts from God, maybe even a graduation from the milk (basic gospel principles) to meatier gospel principles.  More likely the application of the principles already learned lead us to increasingly important and difficult principles to incorporate into our lives.  As the earth began to be populated in preparation for mankind, maybe we become more prepared to be the hands of God to meet the needs of others.  Thus being His instruments in the world to help lead others to Christ.

Finally on the sixth day animals and then man and woman are placed on the earth.  This may represent that ultimately as we progress in the creation of a Godly man, just like the creation of the earth, that we become sons and daughters to Christ (who created the world).  In other words, we begin to resemble him in our growth and maturity such that we are recognizable as his followers or rather, sons and daughters.

Celestial room in the Sao Paulo Temple

Lastly the seventh day of creation or the rest comes.  We anticipate that our day of rest will come eventually where we will rest from daily earthly cares after the resurrection.  I suspect this rest will not be like an extended vacation but a ceasing of the daily struggle against sin that is a constant part of our life.  Our hope is to be in the Celestial Kingdom where God dwells but in order for that to become a reality we must become like Him.  Though that is not expected to occur totally in this life it is necessary that we begin to work or allow ourselves to be changed to a celestial being.  This work needs to start when we begin to understand the need for it.  It appears to be a lengthy process. 

So as Manly Men we need to work toward that goal and prepare ourselves with recognition of where we are in that process and where we still need to grow.  With that recognition we can make choices that move us toward God and away from worldly debilitating influences.  Keep up the good work!

Manly Man Training #18: Love your wife and strengthen yourself

A Doc Chritensen painting.  [Notice the elderly man to the right]

I have noticed something interesting about men and their church attendance the past few years.  Single men seem to attend church less consistently than married men.  Even men who are married but away from their family for work, training or other reasons attend less regularly.  I have observed many of these men coming less often despite having been a regular attender when they are with their family. 

On the other hand I have seen some very diligent men who come regularly without their spouse or family attending with them, but this is a minority.  I know of a man whose wife had Alzheimer's, another whose wife decided she didn't believe the gospel anymore and others whose wife didn't want or couldn't attend for other reasons.  What causes men who attend regularly with their family but less so when they are on their own?Why is it easier for men to participate fully when their wife encourages them but when she isn't a part of the motivation the men seem to find other things more important?  And then there are those men who are faithful even when their wife discourages them from attending?  How do we become a man who can respond to our wife's encouragement to do good but continue on doing good if that is absent?

So what does this have to do with Manly Men?  In last April Conference, Elder Walter Gonzalez of the Seventy said in his talk, "Love is a powerful influence to our hearts in our effort to be obedient....Love for a mother, father, or spouse can also inspire or obedience to gospel principles."  That came together for me due to noticing the activity patterns of men as stated above. 

What is it that we men need to do in order to assure that our personal testimony is strong enough to carry us through any times when we may not have our wife to attend church with us?  There are a variety of reasons including physical and mental illnesses that may keep our wife away from church regularly, irregularly or permanently.  Another is if our wife loses faith or gets a stake calling that keeps her visiting other wards frequently.  Possibly our wife could have a job that interferes with their attending church regularly. 

Speaking of the job, I have had a couple of occasions when I have had work that interfered with my church attendance.  I know it was hard for my wife during those times, but nevertheless she went to church and participated regularly.  Which brings up the companion observation that I notice that women--whose husbands are not members, are not faithful attenders or who are ill--much more regularly find their way to church.  What do we Manly Men need to do to match the commitment to the gospel that the women of our church often seem to have?

Surely it is acceptable to allow our love for our wife to encourage us to be more consistent in following the Savior by doing many of the things that we are instructed and directed by the scriptures and the leaders of the church.  That of course would include attending church, the temple, having family scripture study, home evening and prayers in the home.  Surely that is one reason we marry a righteous woman so that we can benefit from her influence to help us be a better man.

Wife helping husband reach higher

Ultimately we have to allow our wife's influence and our love for her to lead to the source.  The source is the Savior and we have to build our own reliance upon Him and relationship with Him so that if/when the time comes when we have to stand alone, that we can continue to grow in the gospel and not be retarded or derailed because we are weaker than we allowed ourself to believe.  Sure we want to follow Him with our wife always at our side but we must develop a testimony and desire to follow Him that can stand independent and alone if necessary.  In other words we need to love Christ. 

"Lovest thou me?"

"Follow me" (John 21:15-19)

As Elder Gonzalez continued in his talk: "Love is a powerful influence in our hearts in our effort to be obedient.  Love for our Savior inspires us to keep His commandments....The way we treat others reflects to what extent we follow our Savior in loving one another.  We show our love for him when...we make and keep covenants." 

Let us develop our love for the Savior separate and in conjunction with our wife, so that our wife and family can depend on us to be Manly Men even when she or they may not be able to provide the support and encouragement that may be desired.

Guest Blog: With a Walker

I am amazed at the ability of humans to persist in the face of obstacles.  We face challenges ranging from crippling disease to inordinate ease.  (To my way of thinking, both are challenges indeed!)  I was recently reminded of the resilience of the human spirit when I was returning home from an errand.  Passing a corner lot, I saw an elderly gentleman rototilling his garden plot.  I remembered this garden as being a productive one; I used to pass it often on my early morning walks in summers gone by.  But what struck me today was that the man seemed to be using the rototiller almost as a walker, leaning on it for support as much as relying on it to prepare the soil for the seeds he would plant and nurture. 

I marveled at the old man’s perseverance, motivation,  and effort.  And cringed a bit to think that I—an able-bodied woman (albeit one with two black thumbs!)—would not be preparing a garden plot this year as he was, although it would be a much easier task for me to accomplish. 

I witnessed another example of persistence and zest for life in a handicapped woman who lives in the same care center as my mom.  We were sitting in the “town square” visiting, when this woman rolled by in her wheelchair, Fred Flintstone style.  (Remember how he powered his prehistoric stone vehicle with his feet?)  She passed by at a brisk clip, the radio in her lap broadcasting a Twins baseball game, and a smile on her face.

That’s how I want to be when I’m old.  I want to find joy in whatever I can still accomplish and experience, take pleasure in the simple things in life, and make other people smile.   And well, since practice makes perfect, I guess I better get crackin’!

X-Drive

How will I explain this to my future children?

The time to start being a parent starts long before the baby is born or even conceived. 
I've heard people say "...long before you were a gleam in your father's eye" dating the mentioned activity as long before the listener was born.  The same timeline describes the best time to start preparing for parenting

Maybe you recognize the beginnings of this thought for me as coming from last Sunday at church.  As I mentioned in a blog from 11-28 a young man mentioned some things that concerned him about his pre-parenting choices.  That has been in the back of my mind this week and then a couple days ago I went into the group room at work and ran across a dry erase board that had been used during an education/support group for those stopping substance abuse.  It outlined the story of one woman who had done drugs and alcohol for a portion of her life, even through the conception and carrying of her child to term.  Then shortly after the birth of her child she realized the damage of what she was doing to herself and her children.  This helped her have the motivation she needed to stop using drugs.  In essence she suddenly recognized her worth and that of her children.  Now she is struggling to learn the skills and practice the behaviors of not using drugs and dealing with life through positive instead of destructive means.

I was reminded in that moment that being a parent really starts long before the child is born.  For many our preparation started even before we thought about being a parent.  When we can look at ourselves and answer the question, "how would I explain this to my future children" we will begin to see the importance of starting now to be the parent we want to be.

It occurs to me that many of us spend the first months or years of parenthood parenting ourselves and fixing areas we failed in to be better parents of our children.  Sometimes these efforts to fix ourselves are at the expense of our children in at least the distraction they cause from our children's needs.  It is much like on the job training.  Truth be told that we will all have some of these issues to work through, but if we start asking ‘the question’ now then we can prepare ourselves in advance and do a great service to future generations. 

Sometimes we as parents avoid talking about certain things with our children because we remember our behaviors of the age and feel embarrassed of ourselves and/or hypocritical of any current efforts to guide our children in a better path.  When we allow those feelings to negatively influence our parenting then we pass on our family and personal weaknesses to the next generation.  Maybe our resolve and presentation are weak because we ourselves fell into a trap we see coming for our children.  Maybe we are overzealous about a topic of instruction because we are trying to make up for our own failure; and in our extensive efforts now we succeed only in interesting our children in a behavior rather than strengthening against it.  I’ve seen some parents who think of their “glory” days as a time in their lives when they made poor choices.  Even though they hope their children will avoid those pitfalls in life, they inadvertently encourage them to repeat the error because of the enjoyment that is evident when they think back and describe their actions of yesteryear.  All of these ways of responding to our own past can have an impact on our children and therefore on their life and our grandchildren's lives.

"How would I explain this to my children" can help us at whatever stage of parenting we are in and no matter what our personal past has included.  It can help us choose a more appropriate path than the one we may naturally choose with only knowing and feeling our past and not adequately considering their future.  Our response can be the one that is right for the occasion even if we didn't live the ideal when we were at that time of life. 

So those who are not parents yet, start preparing now.  Your children will see the results of your efforts immediately upon arrival.  If you are later in your parenting life then now is the time to stop letting your past dictate your children’s future.  Follow your best self and parent your children as your current morals and knowledge direct you. 

As I write this blog two of my daughters bring me a sugar cookie and flute of milk.  The sugar cookie has on it, “We love you Dad” and the cookie is in the shape of a…cloud.  Maybe with our best efforts we can have the success we desire in guiding our children to reach their potential and be proud to be a part of our family.