Stained Not Dirty

I was washing dishes with my daughter after dinner tonight and she said, "This makes me sick".  I asked what she was referring to and she pointed out a Tupperware bowl that was stained.  "That is so dirty".  I said, "that isn't dirty, it is just stained" and instantly I started thinking that those words had meaning beyond the Tupperware piece we were looking at.

Possibly some people might have a response like my daughter's to people who are bearing the consequence of some personal trauma, or even some choices in their life that have harmed them in unexpected ways.  Maybe this could be a response to wounded war veterans for some of us.

J.R. Martinez--Iraq war

Frank Sandoval--Iraq War

Another example could be a person who has been sexually abused becoming angry or irritable when they see a father with his daughter on his lap.  

I am reminded of a client I had one time who would become highly angry if I would stretch out my legs in front of me while we were talking.  On close inspection and honest talking it turned out that her abusive father would often sit that way, and when I did that she would react toward me with the feelings she had toward her father at that time. 

Stained things can also be beautiful I might add.  For example stained glass and tie dyed shirts.

People can be stained by experience, by family dysfunction, or even by societal fads and pressures.  A family dealing with alcoholism can produce children and further generations that are secretive, don't share or feel emotions.  Families dealing with mental illness can produce similar results.

Social fads like tattoos or piercing can lead to poor choices that are mourned later in life.

But what these words "stained but not dirty" make me think of is the stains or consequences that can enter our life due to sin.  When we make choices that lead to sin, sometimes the results can be long lasting.  We may recognize our sin and repent and change but often the consequences of that sin will continue on even though we are a changed person. 

If sin makes us dirty so to speak, then repentance makes us clean by the grace of the Savior who suffered for all our sins that we might repent.  The consequences may continue but it would be just a stain but not dirty. 

As an example possibly a person who lived a life style that led to contracting aids might repent of and change that lifestyle but still suffer the consequences.  A person who smokes cigarettes to the point where the skin on their hand that carries the lit cigarette might be discolored.  They may repent, break that addiction and stop smoking but they will still have the discolored hand.  A person who gets involved in child pornography may be arrested and serve time in prison and then be on the Sex offender registry but could repent and change their actions and thoughts such that they could be clean of that sin although still necessarily be held to the consequences of the sin. 

So we see that being stained is not the same as being dirty.  It is very possible to have a very clean stained shirt or pair of pants.  Or even a very clean but stained body.  Surely we must be careful to not get stained mixed up with dirty. 

Abilities and Disabilities

In the winter it is a common thing to hear about how each snow flake is different.  It is amazing, practically unbelievable to imagine that every snowflake is unique and in some way different from every other snowflake.  Particularly amazing when our naked eye, most often, cannot see the difference. 

Then to think of people and how we each vary from one another in multiple ways--it is mind boggling.  We have multiple different skin colors, hair syles, eye colors and shapes, heights and weights, and ways of dressing just to mention a few easily noticable distinctive characteristics.  Then to overlay the variety of talents and abilities that people have adds additional layers of diversity.  So many abilities! Many of them so subtle that people often don't even know they have them or that they are distinctive from other people. 

I have talked to a number of folks who have one of those subtle, not easily noticed, abilities.  To be honest I think most if not all people have these inconspicuous talents.  They are often amazed when I point them out and even more amazed when they realize the uniqueness that they harbor.  It helps them to see the world with more clarity when they begin to see their own uniqueness and realize that each of us is exceptional and irreplaceble. 

When we think about talents and abilities we often think of the more glaring and visible ones.  I once talked with a young lady who had multiple spectacular abilities and skills.  She yearned for people to see past those to her other qualities that she considered more fundamental in making up her person.  Singing, art, comedy, instrument playing, and athletic abilities are just a few of the abilities that are more easily noticed.  Even if you take one category of abilities, for example athletic, there is a huge variance in a single talent.  Even if you take a sub-category of that ability, for example basketball playing ability there is a great variety (think of why we have dunking contests and can differentiate between dunks enough to chose a winner). 

When you consider another talent, like empathy, and consider some of the variations of that talent from one who can feel another's pain to one who can anticipate another's need.
Ultimately I must conclude that everyone has multiple abilities and everyone nust have multiple disabilities as well.  I was reading an article by Orson Scott card that you can access by clicking on this line.  It said:  "Our bodies come with a mix of abilities and disabilities. What God cares about is not what we're born with, but how we use whatever talents we've been given."

To use our talents and develope them there must be a time of discovery and then a time of growth and maturity.  Finally a time for using the talent as God intended.  And then in the process of using it we can advance the talent and magnify it.  When we consider all the desirable abilities and talents in the world it is crucial that we recognize our own and learn to use it for God's intent. 

As we develope our abilities we then have a strong foundation for overcoming, minimizing or managing our disabilities.  Though all disabilities will not be overcome in this life, by recognizing and tapping into the fruits of our strentghs (i.e. confidence, discipline, and determination that result from our recognizing and using our strengths for good) we can overcome or at least accept our inabilities.  Some disabilities may actually not be fixed while others may be incapabilities.

It is possible that as Neal Maxwell hints at that our greatest ability to God may be our availability and our greatest disability our inavailability.  "God does not begin by asking us about our ability, but only about our availability, and if we then prove our dependability, he will increase our capability."
— Neal A. Maxwell

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

The Weight of Society

I am always trying to be aware of the beliefs that our society and culture teach us.  Most often we don't notice them until our resulting beliefs and actions rub up against a different one.  Then we see that something is different and wonder why.  If we follow it up and talk to the person we may learn to see ourselves a little different and sometimes we learn to believe something different if we recognize we were clinging to some false beliefs. 

It seems that is the case with body weight and what is an ideal body size and/or type. 

I've had a male co-worker recently talking to me about his desire to lose weight.  He is a tall fellow and remembers some of his younger days when he was athletic and won awards and championships with his sports participation.  He wants to get his body back to where he was so he can have more physical successes instead of memories.  I told him the memories were good enough for me! 

I read a blog that points out that our societal beliefs are incorrect in many instances regarding body size (click here to go to the article).  Of course who knows who to believe nowadays?  It seems you can find some authoritive opinion saying anything from both or every side of an issue and the truth gets murkier and murkier. 

What I see, is that when we develop these cultural beliefs that we often marginalize groups of our society.  In this case we marginalize big folks.  We teach them that they can't do what they want or reach their potential or their value is diminished.  People in positions to do so may withhold job opportunities, or friendship, or support for folks who are not within the normal weight range.  Even more tragic is those withhold love and kindness because someone doesn't fit our idea of a good body weight.  To give a quick example with body weight--how is it that we have such a large range of acceptable weights for men and such a small range for women.  Women outside of the range get demeaned and diminished.  Men outside of the range are often ignored. 

I have another friend who told me recently that his wife was hoping he would gain weight.  He said it was one of the few things they disagreed on.  He liked his weight and felt good. 

Our society wants our men big and imposing and our women petite and trivial.  Those that don't fit the societal mold run up against road blocks to try and force them into the mold or make them sorry they don't.  Of course many folks who don't fit the mold are strengthened mentally and over achieve because of the opposition while others wilt and retreat, seemingly from the pressure. 

I like what the gospel teaches--just love them.  Judging or inforcing some societal standard is not the way.  Worry about ourselves.  If we want to be a certain way and can attain it then do it, but don't try to make others like you through intimidation and coercion.  If you want to encourage others to find the way you like, prefer or think is healthy then only use persuasion with love unfeigned, the only acceptable method that respects their ability to choose and our ability to accept and care about them regardless.