Modern Heroes #3: Brandon Davies

Brandon Davies is a basketball player from BYU.  At the end of the season this past winter Brandon Davis voluntarily told the school that he had broken the rules that he signed when he came to BYU.  He broke the honor code.  BYU was having its best season ever and was just 4 or 5 games away from the end of the season.  They were ranked #3 in the country and had a chance to really do great in the NCAA tournament.  The school didn't let themselves off the hook for this basketball player who was a starter.  They suspended him from the team.

When the world found out they couldn't believe that the school suspended one of their best basketball players when they were that close to a possible run at the championship.  BYU kept themselves to the honor code and did what was right, and what they would have done, for other students as well.  Brandon was suspended and not allowed to play.  They did decide to let him attend the games and let him sit with the team in his street clothes. 

Because of this action the honor code at BYU became big news.  Lots of news and sportscasters disagreed with the university for suspending him but they respected the university anyway because they stood strong with their rules.  Much ado was made about BYU standing by their own honor code when many other universities ignore, sweep under the carpet or wait to discipline students until after the big game or season. 

Brandon is a modern hero not for what he did to get suspended but for what he has done since.  He didn't go public and rail against the university.  Instead he followed the strict guidelines for his potential reinstatement.  He wasn't even guaranteed that they would accept him back at BYU.  But he went through the process and in essence repented of his actions and has recently been reinstated and now can practice with the basketball team as they prepare for their upcoming season.  Brandon is a hero for taking responsibility and going through the difficult process of making things right.  The whole time accepting that he might not be allowed back.  Hurrah for honor:  honor of the school that does the right thing at an inconvenient time and honor of Brandon Davies for sticking to his values and making it right.   

You can read more about it here http://www.deseretnews.com/article/700175462/Jay-Evensen-Brandon-Davies-should-have-been-story-of-the-week.html  and here http://espn.go.com/espn/commentary/story/_/page/howard-110901/brandon-davies-return-byu-rare-positive-story-college-sports


Update: Click here for the very latest article about Brandon. 

Mom's big love

My Mom has been a good example to me over the years.  My Mother made sure I knew she loved me.  That was one of her strengths: that not only did love me but was able to deduce how I felt love and she loved me in a way that I felt she loved me.  (Some other time maybe I'll have to blog about the difference between being loved and feeling loved).  I felt loved. 

It is certainly possible, since I am the youngest, that I benefitted from her experience with my siblings.  My Mom is good at loving other people, beyond the family, too.  Oh, don't get me wrong, she sometimes gets irritated, she sometimes says the wrong thing, she can be stubborn whether for good or ill, but if we look past those few occasions then I think we can easily see that her ability to love and care for others is one of her greatest strengths.  About four years ago she made a decision that would end up changing several people's lives, some of them drastically. 

I'll take credit for getting things started like this: my family had over the previous 3 years had a couple of foreign exchange students, one from Russia and another from Mexico.  We really enjoyed each of those young ladies and had positive experiences with few difficulties along the way.  So I suggested to my Mom that she consider having an exchange student.  I could tell the idea appealed to her but she was concerned that a young teenager (ages 16-18) wouldn't want to live with such an old person with no exciting teenagers to hang out with.  I think secretly she wondered if she could handle having a teenager to be responsible for again.  These two concerns were not so easily worked out because they were in her head and would take some actual time working with the student to get over.

She chose a young woman from Russia, she went by the American name of Anny despite her name being Anya.  She was popular in Russia, with a boyfriend, a brother and parents and grandparents that were all very close.  Anny of course knew nothing of the Gospel and my Mom had told her some about it prior to her coming, but needless to say it was hard to comprehend hearing it in English and she didn't understanding much of the impact it would have on her life. Mom told me later that she chose Anny because she had a feeling that she should choose her.

Anny came and soon was learning the various ways that the gospel impacts our lives on a daily basis.  Things such as modesty, daily observance of activities to turn our thoughts and hearts to Christ, several times weekly church attendance, and caring for others.  Despite the foreign situation both culturally, religiously and family, Anny adjusted.  Because my Mother loved her so easily and willingly Anny was able to adjust very smoothly and learn the lessons of "why" instead of just doing what she had to in a new place. 

Mom loved her and taught her, calmly (okay, the occasional frustration), and in as much detail as she needed.  As a matter-of-fact, Anny ended up getting just what she needed from an elderly lady and Mom had another opportunity to do just was God made her best at.  I think God using Mom this way helped her to realize that she still had value in this life. 

Over time Anny loved going to church, made friends with teens and adults alike.  Anny participated willingly in scripture reading and study in the home.  Anny attended not only Sunday services and Wednesday services but also early morning seminary services as well. 

As time was growing to an end, Anny expressed some interest in being baptized.  Mom and I felt like she needed to return home to her family and decide if baptism was what she wanted.  After all the church wasn't even available in her town.  It seemed to Mom that she would appreciate the same consideration if it was her child in a foreign country.  So Anny returned to Russia.  In a few months Annie returned back to Mom's to attend college locally and requested to be baptized.  I agreed to do that baptism for her. 

She was happy.  She loved the gospel because she had been loved by a master (if I got the benefit of my Mom's learning from my siblings then Anny got even more because of what my Mom had learned from me).  Anny decided she wanted to go to BYU and eventually was accepted there.  Anny embraced the gospel and the gospel embraced her.  Her family was supportive all along the way.

One big day for Mom was when Anny went to the DC temple to receive her endowment in preparation for getting married in the Portland temple.  Anny with her family from Russia, was here along with Dane and some ward members.  That was a big day for Mom. 

As you know, all good true stories must have multiple new beginnings, and this is true with my Mom and Anny's story.  Anny met Dane, who coincidentally has served a mission in Russia so he spoke the language that her parents know and can communicate well with them.  Anny and Dane were married in the Portland Temple last summer.  We traveled there and experienced the excitement along with them.  Dane's family is quite large with several children (I never was able to count them all but I am thinking 13).  So Anny is getting accustomed to such a large family when she had no experience with any family larger than two children in Russia.  Anny's family of her Mom and Dad and brother were able to come for her wedding. 

Dane's family loved her brother Anton who stayed for a couple months with Dane's family and joined the church.  Anny's parents understand the gospel more than ever and who knows that when the time is right and missionaries finally move into their town in Russia but...

Anton, Anny's Dad, Dane, Anny, Mom, Anny's Mom

Anny's family took to Mom and responded to her love as easily as did Anny.  They expressed appreciation and honored Mom during their stay here.  Anny's parents paid my Mom a huge complement when they said, "We raised her for sixteen years but you are the one who helped her become the person she is today."

This story continues on and hasn't stopped and I don't expect that it will.  You see, Anny has two families now, well I guess even three.  She has her parents and brother, my Mom and the rest of us, and now of course Dane's family as well.  So a Russian girl who had a desire to learn English well, ends up a die hard Mormon with American roots dug deep into both ends of the country and ever deeper in the gospel soil.

A Mom's love can work miracles.  My Mom's love has done so more than once.   

Manyly Man Training #12: Honor your Mothers

When I talk to young men or observe young men, I like to find out how they treat their mothers.  How they treat their mothers gives me clues to their view of motherhood and womanhood.  I tell my daughters that when they get married that their husband will be treating them much like he treats his mother after the first year or so.  I mentioned this to a co-worker and his comment was "or earlier!" 

The truth is that as men we learn about womanhood from our mothers at home.  Maybe we've learned some from sisters, but the next big influence is our wife.  If we are lucky we will also be able to learn about womanhood from daughters too.  But more importantly we learn how to show honor to our mothers and respect to women in general in the home by observing how our parents interact and how we are expected and allowed to treat our mother.  This is true of daughters in the home as well.  If boys and girls are allowed to be disrespectful to their mother then the the girls learn to disrespect themselves and boys learn to disrespect women in general.   

So as a manly man it is imperative that you treat your mother respectfully.  This is not only part of the commandment to "honor thy parents" but also gives  you daily detailed practice in respecting womanhood so that you can show proper respect to your wife in years to come.  It has always interested me that the commandment tells us to honor our parents with no regard about our parents honorableness. 

President David O. McKay made the following comment:

"Until 'Where's Mother?' receives no sweet response do the childish minds realize how much Mother has been to them!  Not until her smile and loving presence are but sacred memories do the children know that Mother held a place in their hearts that no one else can fill!  It's an unfortunate phase of human nature that it is always inclined to undervalue its present blessings, that of Mother's and Father's presence being no exception. . . . Not only on one day, then, should we pay tribute to our mothers; but rather make that day the means of increasing our determination and ability to make every day of the year a day in which to honor Mother in particular and every woman who desires to be like Mother" (David O. McKay, Gospel Ideals, p. 454-455). 

In addition to our mothers it is important to honor our mother-in-laws.  In my experience it is the mothers in a family that smooth our life along.  We need to acknowledge and appreciate that.  How we accept our mother-in-laws will be very meaningful to our wives as well.  If we honor our mother-in-laws we can free our wives to still learn from their mother's which is all to our benefit as well. 

In order to honor and respect women we must be alert to their goodness and strengths.  We need to value what is admirable and not get caught up in things that are different or have less meaning to us as men.  As we develop as a manly man we will learn to value many characteristics outside of our experience.  We can learn that not only can femininity and masculinity work well together but also can share rolls as needed or desired.  As men we need to learn to value the feelings and experiences of women and recognize their worth not just to children or to the world in general but to us individually.  You need to see the traits of your mother in your own life. 


Our mothers and wives are experts in relationships.  It would be good to learn from their example and recognize that their actions will influence generations while our work outside the home will have a relatively short life span, and it's effect will be felt by few and remembered by less.  Our work in the home, alongside our wife, will have great dividends and be more meaningful to us eventually if not now, than our paycheck or degrees.  Follow your mother's best example and you will see what has worth and that will put other things in their proper perspective as we determine our values and priorities.