Spotlight on Women #3: Gospel--skimming the edge?

My father-in-law (when he was well) and I shared something in common.  And now I notice that my youngest daughter is picking it up as well.  We enjoy the edges and crispy parts of a nicely cooked pizza with lots of cheese.  My wife likes to make homemade pizza nearly every Friday.  In our home we are cheese lovers and needless to say plenty of cheese gets put on the pizza, not to mention plenty of other good things as well.  Sometimes when we are lucky a little of the cheese escapes over the edge of the pizza and gets cooked to a crunch on the edge of the pan.  That is good stuff.  Still though, we love the rest of the pizza.  I wouldn't give up the rest of the pizza just to get a couple bites of crispy cheese.  Not only is it our favorite but it is also the favorite of lots of other folks who have been invited or had one brought to their home when they needed it most. 

Sister Sheri Dew tells how in her visits to New York City that she heard many New Yorkians tell how they loved Central Park.  Well Sister Dew had been a number of times and didn't see what was so great about it.  It was big, but nothing spectacular about it.  Until one day she found herself going into the park farther than she had ever done.  She had been on the edges a number of times but not deep into the park, and when she went in farther then she understood why so many people praised and lauded Central Park.  She saw some of the treasures that make central park so great, memorable and lovable.  (No One Can Take Your Place, p7-8)

I have never been to Central Park but I can understand her story because I have seen many things in my life that don't seem all that great when viewed or only known on the outside.  Or even if a little effort is put into getting familiar with them.  People are often that way.  We know them a little and we think we have the book on them.  Books covers can also be misleading.  We often see books with fantastical art that the stories inside cannot keep up with.  But other books have rather plain covers that do not at all represent what great things are inside for us to learn or experience. 

Sister Dew tells how on that particular day she was going deeper into Central Park and seeing many things that amazed her that she had no idea were there because she had only skimmed the edges.  She didn't know there was a castle in Central Park for example. 

Those of us who are a little familiar with Sheri Dew will not be surprised that she compared this great increase in her appreciation for Central Park, as a result of her going further into it than she ever had before, to the gospel.  She suggests that the more deeply we go into the gospel, the more right down the middle of the doctrine of Christ we go, the more beautiful and amazing it will be to us.  Whereas if we just cut the corners and skim the edges that we will miss many amazing and wonderful things.

C.S. Lewis said "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea....We are far too easily pleased" (A Mind Awake, 168).

Sometimes I can't help but think that members who decline or postpone preparing themselves for the temple are indeed too easily pleased with the gospel.  They are missing a major delicious part by convincing themselves that whatever keeps them from the temple is better because they can't imagine the blessings of the temple. 

One thing in particular I think that women miss a lot is information and doctrines related to the Priesthood.  I've heard ladies ask at times "why is he telling us about Priesthood stuff" when a Bishop took the opportunity to teach the Relief Society about the Priesthood.  The Priesthood is as important to the ladies as it is to the men, although possibly in different ways, so I would hope they would learn how the Priesthood fits into the gospel. 

When I was a young man and talked to my Bishop to tell him I was taking a vacation that could lead to a lengthy absence if all worked well, because I was asking a young woman in another state to marry me.  He said that was fine because I was worth more to the church married than I was single at that time of my life. (I suppose some might wish to debate that.)  Sister Dew asserts that the more we know and understand the gospel the more useful we are to the Lord.  I suspect that is true. 

She concludes quoting President Hinckley and then commenting: "'The gospel makes so much sense!'...It is the good news.  And the more we probe its depth and breadth, the more likely we will be able, regardless of the opposition, to once again stand loyally by God and by Jesus, and to do so without so much as even flinching at the onslaught of the world." 

Spotlight on Women #2: Benefits to thinking like a man?

[Note: Alright, I know this is a risky topic to discuss.  I realize that a man discussing it is especially teeth gritting, nevertheless I am willing to go where no man has gone before...just long enough to lead up to the video below.]

There has been a lot (of talk, books, etc. as evidenced by the pictures above) in recent years identifying the differences between the way women and men think and act.  Depending on your point of view one way is thought to be better than the other.  I suspect that both male and female ways are better in certain circumstances.  Each gender's strengths are ideal in certain circumstances.  When they are used in other situations they don't work out quite as successfully sometimes.  Consequently, my conclusion is that there are benefits to both sets of common gender strengths.  The interesting thing is that an individual person, either male or female, typically has traits of both masculine and feminine ways of thinking and behaving.  I suspect that the most well adjusted people are comfortable with skills commonly associated with both genders. 

So if both ways have their pluses and minuses it would seem reasonable to encourage those that are married to work toward "being one".  That would allow the couple all the benefits of each gender combined.  "Being one", to me, means being united or working toward the same goals together.  Included in that idea is that the strengths of both spouses need to be used to further the success of the marriage and the family.  We would expect in a marriage situation that the partners would learn from each other and become better rounded individuals over time, increasingly complementary and overlapping in skill sets.  To me one of the best things that can happen in marriage is when both couples learn to trust, respect and then learn from each other.  

Julie Hanks (click here to go to her website) is maybe best known for her singing under her maiden name Julie de Azevedo.   She is also a therapist with an active practice and shares her ideas on the Internet and other media.  She gave an interview on KSL T.V. recently where she described some benefits for women in thinking like a man.  Here are the five ways she felt could help women:
1.  Be decisive
2. Move on after mistakes
3. Making sex a priority
4. Worry less about feelings
5. Take things at face value
I HIGHLY recommend that you watch this.  I think this would be a great thing to watch together to bring up some great discussion and growth.  As you listen to the video think about yourself and which end of the spectrum you are and then think about your spouse and where they are at with these characteristics.  My wife and I did this and we agreed that some of our individual traits are not at the typical ones you would expect for our gender.  Others were quite typical.  See what you come up with.  I would be interested to hear what you gained from it if you will leave a comment.

Julie Hanks LCSW, "Thinking like a man can be helpful"

After all of that if you want to see one artists conception of possible differences between men and women check out the comic below.  If you are already overwhelmed then just skip it. 

Spotlight on Women #1: Are we not all mothers?

In life it seems that we all have the opportunity to be or play the part of mother at some point at least briefly.  Many women spend many years if not their whole life being and doing mother.  That may sound odd, but at one time or another we all do indeed have the chance to do motherly things and be motherly people to those needing mothering.  Whether we have our own children or not and even whether or not we are a woman or a man; we still play that leadership/mentorship role in the development of children whether it be a few hours, days or a lifetime. 

Some readers will recognize that the title of this post comes from a talk by Sheri Dew

Sheri Dew mentioned an experience that she had when she had taken several of her nieces on a trip to a big city.  She knew her sisters had trusted her with their safety but wasn't overly concerned about that until they were walking to the closest church for a meeting and found themselves among a bunch of drunken revelers who they had to walk through to get to the church.  She goes on to say "Feeling no small amount of anxiety, I turned toward the girls, gathered them around me, and shouted over the din, 'Stay right with me.  Don't take your eyes off me.'  With that I began to maneuver my way through the crush of humanity, constantly looking behind me to make sure the girls were right there.  The only thing on my mind was my nieces' safety.  there were moments when I truly feared we would not make it to the church in one piece.  Drunken men with boa constrictors draped around their necks and adolescents brandishing weapons sometimes blocked our way.  It was intimidating to say the least."

I've had some occasions over the years when I was in charge of a number of children and constantly was looking to see where they are to be sure they were safe and to make myself available immediately if they needed help, training or teaching or direction or even comfort.  That is what mother's often do--provide whatever is needed at the proper time.  And some mothers become aware of that time before their kids even know it and that guidance is given and consequently not even noticed since the child didn't feel the crisis before being nudged in the right direction.

But the truth is that the term mother isn't just about maternity and having children.  Being a mother is a skill set that tends to be there with women (and I believe can be developed to some degree in men).  That mothering ability can in emerge whenever needed whether it be with a person's own children, another child in need or even providing motherly comfort or advice to an adult.   

I remember a story that my mother told me about herself when she was a little girl of around five or so.  Another child was playing near her at a park and fell and got hurt and started crying.  That child was larger than my Mom at the time but she rushed over to help the child and "mothered" it despite her young age and small size. 

Being a mother is part of a woman and not limited to only women who have had children.  Don't we often see that a wife ends up mothering her husband?  Maybe we could say that mothering is a quality and not a condition.  The interesting thing with that quality is that the world is combining against that skill trying to diminish, minimize, limit and destroy it.  It is easy to see why when you consider that the more success he has killing the desire and ability to mother then he can negatively impact the lives of huge numbers of children who will not have receive the vital caring and mentoring provided by a mother.  That lack alone has and will continue to contribute to the difficulties that ours and other societies are having.  As Sheri Dew says, "what a mother teaches a child doesn't get erased." and "few of us will reach our potential without the nurturing of both the mother that bore us and the mothers who bear with us".

Sometimes the question of comparing motherhood to priesthood arises.  Sheri Dew says this about that: "Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with the privilege of priesthood ordination.  it was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave woman an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate.  As President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., declared, motherhood is 'as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.'"

So ladies, when you are tempted (and I mean that literally) to downplay your role, whether it is just in your mind, word or in action please remember that your motherly skills, are indispensable to both genders and to God's plan for us all.  Please know that despite much of the world buying into the tempters plan to diminish the role of mothers, that there are many men and women alike that realize its eternal value to us individually and to the race as a whole.  It doesn't matter it the woman are young or old, large or small, strong or weak,brilliant or slow, we need all their contributions, every one!  Remember this preeminent gift that you have and please use it freely, we all need it.