Making Good Men: the Noah Hartsock family

Noah Hartsock is a player on the BYU basketball team.  He has been probably the most consistent player on the team this season.  He is great with shooting percentage and points per game and blocked shots and a lot of other basketball stuff.  He was even the WCC player of the month.  But basketball isn't the point of this blog.

In an article in the deseret news that you can see from clicking here, his father, Dave Hartsock, was quoted as saying: "We're fortunate all our kids have turned out well. Noah works hard, he's got a good disposition. We haven't been trying to make basketball players, we've tried to make good men and if he turns out to be a good basketball player in the process that's good and we're really happy for him."  Noah is known for taking things as they come and continuing on just as happy as before.  An example of that was Christmas 2010 he was driving home with his wife early morning Christmas Eve and their car flipped on some ice.  The injuries were few and he finished the season with his normal demeanor and good play.  Click hear to read more. 

"We haven't been trying to make good basketball players, we've tried to make good men" -- he says.  As a parent I try to think to make that my goal as well to help our children be good women and men rather than to give them some competitive advantage in a field of work or a sport.

I would hope that all parents would do the same, try to raise their children so they are good people.  Being good people has much more advantage in life than some other training we may give them.  Having a home that trains family members to be good people has a much more long term advantage than training in sports or even accounting, engineering or even social work.  The advantages go beyond getting a job with a decent salary.  Being a good man has advantages that goes even beyond life into the eternities. 

There have been some times in my life when I had to remember that I wasn't raising a great swimmer, basketball player, world renowned artist or even spelling bee champ, but instead was raising some great girls who were just good people.  Remembering that changed some actions and emphasis we put on things in our family. 

If you really do want to know more about Noah's basketball playing and stats you can go here to see more info about that. 

Manly Man Training #22 : Do some good

Sometimes in our world today men have the reputation for doing whatever has to be done. That translates differently for men in different situations and has both positive and negative connotations.

In days gone by many men prided themselves in doing whatever it took to support their family. They did jobs that were difficult and dirty and jobs that did not use their best talents or engage them intellectually. They just did whatever it took to be sure their families had at least the bare minimum and hopefully more. I think that is an admirable trait: willingness to go beyond the comfortable or the preferred to take care of the family.

Nowadays, though; when we talk about men doing whatever has to be done it gets understood that men will do what it necessary, but no more. That leads our minds down a totally different road thinking of men who go to work but won't help around the house or spend all their time in front of the T.V. or involved in selfish pursuits that give little if anything to the family.

So which is it for you? As a Manly Man are you willing to do whatever is necessary and within your power to make sure your families needs are met and maybe some wants too? Or are you a guy who does the bare minimum and then checks out; never doing anything that is out of your comfort zone or requires growth on your part for the betterment of your family?

The latter man suggests a lack of connection to his family, a lack of commitment to the family and a lack of energy, effort and caring for those who are most important in his life. D&C 58:27 "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness."

Of course in this scripture the word "men" refers to both genders but for our purposes here I am talking to Manly Men. This scripture tells us that we should be anxiously engaged. This suggests effort, enjoyment and full participation. Anxiously engaged in our families would be good. "And do many things of their own free will". This suggests to me that we should be involved so much that we notice what needs to be done and don't leave it up to our family to ask, compel, beg or guilt us into doing stuff. Of course I'm not suggesting that everything will be evident to us and of course we will need guidance, support and encouragement from our wife and family, but we need to be attentive to life and the needs of the family members as well. "And bring to pass much righteousness" of course suggests that our efforts should be good and worthy efforts not just the bare minimum.

Certainly there are times as men when we are worn out physically, mentally, maybe even spiritually and our attention or efforts will not be our best. But they should always be the best we can manage at the time. If for some reason we are depleted then we need to make our spouse aware of that so they will know and can help us as they are able. If we keep these times to ourselves then not only do we miss out on support and help but we also pretend that we are better than we are and need nothing which will lead to our receiving just that. However; if we find that we are hurting and less able much or all of the time then we need to seek help so we can approach our best selves, our families deserve that.

"All men have been given special powers and within certain limitations should develop those powers, give vent to their own imaginations, and not become rubber stamps. They should develop their own talents and abilities and capacities to their limit and use them to build up the kingdom" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 257).

This comment by President Kimball really reminds us that we are unique and have special abilities even "powers" as he calls them. These defining characteristics were probably what made us appealing to our wife in the first place. We of course need to develop them and use our imaginations to better use and grow them for the benefit of our families, ourselves and even our societies.

The kingdom is waiting for us to develop them. Whether we refer to our own homes and families or the church and God's kingdom or our neighborhoods, country and the world. We are needed whether our talents only help to support our families (physically, emotionally and spiritually) or goes beyond that to aid and supplement the needs of the world.

Let us not do the minimum, but develop ourselves and our families and God's kingdom so that we all benefit from our best. As Manly Men we need to lead out and be a good example to all around us.

Girl's camp is not for sissies

I suspect you are thinking that I will write a post about the valiant young ladies and not so young ladies that lead them at girls camp.  That would be a good post, however; my intentions are to write about boys night out that resulted from our wives and daughter's sacrifice to go camping in tents into the wood with 95 degree weather during the day and thunder and lightning storms at night.

Since the women are required to be so strong at girls camp I guess the only reasonable conclusion is that the men in this case are the weak ones.  I am 50 now and can accept that status if indeed it is warranted.  And in this case I enjoy that status as shown by what my good friend and his son and I did while we were celebrating boys night during the week of girl's camp. 

Fred gave me a call and so we had him over for dinner.  I made some yellow squash and onions with a little cheese on top.  For the main dish my daughter (beyond camp age) made some chicken helper.  And later for desert we went to Bruster's ice cream.  I didn't feel bad at all that my wife and daughter along with his wife and daughter's were in the hot and rainy weather being strong while we were enjoying a nice discussion over a delicious sundae in an air conditioned ice cream parlor being weak. 

We dealt with a thunderstorm as we drove to the ice cream parlor.  He recently back from a tour in Afghanistan was driving a little bit odd, too slow, cutting the car off behind us, and staying away from the right side of the road, but we got there and were even smiling and having fun.  A nutty coconut and graham central station sundae went down very nicely.  Now I got to see what the ladies do when we have Priesthood meeting at conference time.  Nice. 

Spotlight on Women #2: Benefits to thinking like a man?

[Note: Alright, I know this is a risky topic to discuss.  I realize that a man discussing it is especially teeth gritting, nevertheless I am willing to go where no man has gone before...just long enough to lead up to the video below.]

There has been a lot (of talk, books, etc. as evidenced by the pictures above) in recent years identifying the differences between the way women and men think and act.  Depending on your point of view one way is thought to be better than the other.  I suspect that both male and female ways are better in certain circumstances.  Each gender's strengths are ideal in certain circumstances.  When they are used in other situations they don't work out quite as successfully sometimes.  Consequently, my conclusion is that there are benefits to both sets of common gender strengths.  The interesting thing is that an individual person, either male or female, typically has traits of both masculine and feminine ways of thinking and behaving.  I suspect that the most well adjusted people are comfortable with skills commonly associated with both genders. 

So if both ways have their pluses and minuses it would seem reasonable to encourage those that are married to work toward "being one".  That would allow the couple all the benefits of each gender combined.  "Being one", to me, means being united or working toward the same goals together.  Included in that idea is that the strengths of both spouses need to be used to further the success of the marriage and the family.  We would expect in a marriage situation that the partners would learn from each other and become better rounded individuals over time, increasingly complementary and overlapping in skill sets.  To me one of the best things that can happen in marriage is when both couples learn to trust, respect and then learn from each other.  

Julie Hanks (click here to go to her website) is maybe best known for her singing under her maiden name Julie de Azevedo.   She is also a therapist with an active practice and shares her ideas on the Internet and other media.  She gave an interview on KSL T.V. recently where she described some benefits for women in thinking like a man.  Here are the five ways she felt could help women:
1.  Be decisive
2. Move on after mistakes
3. Making sex a priority
4. Worry less about feelings
5. Take things at face value
I HIGHLY recommend that you watch this.  I think this would be a great thing to watch together to bring up some great discussion and growth.  As you listen to the video think about yourself and which end of the spectrum you are and then think about your spouse and where they are at with these characteristics.  My wife and I did this and we agreed that some of our individual traits are not at the typical ones you would expect for our gender.  Others were quite typical.  See what you come up with.  I would be interested to hear what you gained from it if you will leave a comment.

Julie Hanks LCSW, "Thinking like a man can be helpful"

After all of that if you want to see one artists conception of possible differences between men and women check out the comic below.  If you are already overwhelmed then just skip it.