What I've been reading #6

I like this picture which symbolizes to me that reading can lead to growth and
increasing our understanding.  It can be a seed that grows to fruition of our thoughts
to action.

I've enjoyed reading some more good books and am pleased to have the time to get back to doing that regularly.  I'm glad to say that it seems my daughters are increasing their reading here lately and fun to be involved with them a little bit.  Jaime ask me for a recommendation on a book with a certain topic the other day (I'm choosing not to mention the topic), so I recommended it to her and bought it and sent it to her via Amazon.com.  Haleigh continues to read up a storm.  She had a chance to earn some money the other day and now has a list of books she wants to purchase.  Hilary has gotten into one of my favorite series of books which is the Ender's Saga by Orson Scott Card and she has been reading some of that.  Which by the way I notice he will be having a new book come out in that series on November 28 of this year.  Now what about Megan?  I don't know if she is reading or not.  I suspect that she is tied up in some other pursuits currently.  Here is what I've been reading:

The Silence of God by Gale Sears

This was a very enjoyable book about the first LDS family in Russia starting around the tend of the rule of the Tsars and the Bolshevik revolution.  It is a novel based on the real experiences that they had.  It was written well and grabbed me and made me interested in finding out about the family and wanting to know what would happen next.  It even seemed possible that a sequel could be written although I haven't heard anything about that eventuality.  The family is introduced and seems very normal like we would expect good Mormons to act in Russia.  Then things begin to change in their country and their tiny niche of religious comfort is destroyed as the country changes its ideology and attempts to destroy all religion in general.  An enjoyable read.

The Confession by John Grisham

I read this book because my daughter Hilary had read it and enjoyed it.  I had read a couple of his books in the distant past but nothing in recent years and decided to give it a try.  It caught me very quickly and pulled me in.  I would call this book not so much of a courtroom procedural but rather a "law procedural".  He tells the story of a young girl who disappears and is presumed murdered.  The perpetrator is found and after confessing his guilt ends up on death row but the body is never found.  Years later as the death penalty approaches for the man who has declared his innocence since his confession, a creepy career criminal enters a minister's office in another state and confesses to the murder.  Lots of questions of ethics and some religious questions are brought up to consider.  For me it was a fast read and I found many of the characters very worthwhile examples (i.e. the family of the man who was falsely imprisoned for years & the minister).

Ender in Exile by Orson Scott Card

If you have read my summaries in the past you know I typically enjoy books written by Orson Scott Card.  This one is no exception.  As a matter of fact I like this book more than others he has written recently.  For a few years I wasn't able to do much reading but now I think I have caught up on all his books I missed.  This book is the direct sequel of Ender's Game.  It does an excellent job of filling in some of the gap between Ender's Game and Speaker for the Dead.  It also does well with incorporating things that were discussed in the "Shadow Series" that parallels Ender's Game.  It is a pleasure to see how OSC deals with peoples thoughts and feelings.  To see how people learn from life--not always logically (or correct lessons for that matter) is also one of OSC's fortes.  I recommend this book if you have read anything in the Ender's Universe and you enjoy OSC. 

Containment by Christian Cantrell

I purchased this book for my kindle because it was a really great price and seemed interesting.  I was not familiar with the author so didn't know what to expect.  It was surprisingly good.  This is a colony of humans sent to Venus to learn how to eventually learn how to colonize the galaxy.  They struggle and the second generation holds the hope of the whole colony.  What one brilliant young man learns and then ultimately acts on will change everything.  I would recommend this book if you are a science fiction fan.  Don't expect that you won't guess what is about to happen, but instead enjoy how the author brings it about. 

"Wear the old coat and buy the new book." 

My sentiments exactly, I can make do with an old coat, but sometimes I just gotta have that new book!

Austen Phelps was a minister and professor of sacred rhetoric and homiletics. 

Affirmations

I was talking with a client and he expressed that he could never please his mother.  He gave a variety of examples of how she finds fault with him constantly.  Even when he tries to do something to please her she seems to find fault.  He has even tried doing what she wanted before she nagged him about it, and each time she still has found fault with it.  He had numerous examples of how she daily would come after him and complain about him in various ways. 

My question to him was could he please himself.  For him that is the real question here.  Although extremely obnoxious and discouraging when someone we love is constantly finding fault with us, it is not critical that we be able to please others.  That is, if we successfully can please ourselves consistently.  We don't have to be fully pleased with everything we do but we must be able to do things that we want done without berating ourselves regularly so that we can have successes that we can rely on when we are put down by others.  If we have confidence in ourselves then we need not have the confidence of others (although it is still enjoyable and makes things smoother in our life).  With confidence in ourselves then, we can still meet our needs and goals adequately to move forward and grow. 

There are some ways to encourage and help ourselves gain confidence.  One way that I like and encourage my client's to do on occasion is called "affirmations".  Affirmations are positive self talk. 

Affirmations come in two varieties: first is the kind of affirmation that we repeat to ourselves telling us that we are doing something well that we have not yet mastered.  In a manner of speaking we are seeing something in ourselves that is not yet evident.  It might be stating something we want to do or become in an affirmative statement.  For example, "I can feel happy."  This kind of affirmation when repeated to ourselves often enough can lead to a belief that we can and/or are that characteristic.  Some folks would call it lying to ourselves until we believe it and do it. I prefer to think of it that if we constantly express our belief that we are becoming the desired characteristic then we can begin to seriously consider our self as being that and consequently focusing on it in a new way--as a possibility instead of an impossibility.  With that done we have a better chance of success than we did previously.   

The second type of affirmation is to repeat to ourselves a list of strengths we already actually have.  An example of this is "I am kind to others".  This serves as a reminder that we DO have strengths and as we gain confidence and remember the strengths that we already have, we increase in strength and confidence to become what we want to become.  In other words using our current strengths to help overcome our weaknesses. 

In our family we started a tradition many years ago at dinner time.  We call it "successfuls".  Each person gets to tell something they did successful that day.  It must be something they did and not something they didn't do.  For example, "I didn't yell at my sister" is not acceptable, but "I was patient with my sister" is acceptable.  I believe this has been a good habit that we have created to give each person a chance to look at their day and find something successfully done.  On some days we may not feel successful or even hopeful, but when we look closely we can see many things that we did well.  However; sometimes there were days when one daughter couldn't see that she had done something successful.  Then we would allow them to ask family members to help them.  When that happened they typically would hear more than one thing they had done successful which in itself was very affirming!

An important key to affirmations is to accept that people can change, even ourselves.  We are not stuck in old patterns but we can become something different and better.  Affirmations help affirm that ability to grow and mature and be different.  Give them a try and see if they can change your outlook on things. 

Before you try affirmations, realize that you must be consistent and read them or say them or even act them out frequently.  The more senses you use the quicker you learn them and begin to make progress.  Repeat them until they are memorized and then say them frequently, even and especially when you are weak and prone to negative thoughts about yourself.  When you can remember them with minimal effort then they are close to the surface and able to really have a chance to make a difference.  They can help change your attitude and encourage belief in yourself and your ability to succeed and be who you want to be.   

Mindful or mindless?

Sometimes we do a lot of talking but it seems like the talking we do isn't meaningful or important.  I ran across this quote many years ago that got me thinking about what we talk about and what it may say about our thoughts and ourselves. 

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. --Eleanor Roosevelt

 I really like this quote as it helps us to see what things are of most value to talk about.  If we are talking about people, it is very often in the manner of gossip and character assassination.  If we talk about events it is often just going over what has happened but not adding anything of value or even indicating how it has changed us for the better.  Talking about ideas, however, seems to indicate that we are thinking and putting our thoughts into words and discussing them with a friend, now that shows some real effort, and a desire to learn and grow by taking the time to express them. 

I have fond memories of many times when I was in college talking with friends about ideas based on what I had learned recently in class or through my own study.  Again as I served as a missionary with lots of time with companions we often discussed ideas of importance.  It is true that many, maybe most of those ideas didn't turn out to be correct or all that great, but they were the beginnings of some of my best efforts in thinking.  Many of the posts I write started out from discussions in years gone by with close friends including my wife.  Sharing those times with people whose opinions I value has really been a blessing in my life. 

I don't think I am any mighty example of greatness, but I have learned that the power of discussing thoughts and ideas have a great influence on us as we gain confidence in ourselves.  Not so much confidence that we are right but rather that we are well on the road to what is right.  Maybe that is the model of greatness, being on the right road and headed in the right direction. 

Manly Man Training #14: thoughts determine destiny

We men can be interesting creatures.  Whether influenced by DNA, family training or cultural norms we often learn to keep our thoughts to ourselves and not share them often.  This can impact our lives in a variety of ways.  Many of us have learned that if we choose to keep our thoughts to ourselves that it can often get in the way of our relationships with our wife, if married, or interactions with ladies in general.  When we keep our thoughts to ourselves we don't get practice sharing them and when we enter a relationship with a lady and find that sharing thoughts is an important part of relationships, then we often find ourselves fumbling and inadequate. 

Related to that is we can learn to wall off our thoughts to others and keep them private creating a false sense that we can think whatever we want without causing harm to others.  This is clearly false.  Despite any proficiency that we develop in sealing in our harmful thoughts, those thoughts will leak out in our actions, body language and attitudes.  Thoughts determine what we become and who we drag down along with us, or who we lift up as we go along through life. 

In essence our thoughts become the breeding ground of all of our future and what we can become.  It's not just a case of thinking good or bad things it can also be thinking productive and righteous things or thinking valueless and worthless things.  If our time is spent thinking things of little worth then our thoughts are not germinating righteous behaviors enough or at least as often as would be beneficial in our lives and in the lives of others.  Consequently we become a person who isn't as dependable to the Lord because of our wasting our minds time in thoughts of little worth. 

Robert L. Millet says it this way: "Obviously how we think and what we think about will determine our future, even our destiny.  God and his chosen servants have entreated the men of the Church, those called out of the world, to think eternally as they act daily.  When we think eternal thoughts, our actions will be lasting and worthwhile.  When we think eternally, our impact on our homes and our society will be permanent.  When we think eternally, the things that matter most will never be sacrificed to the things that matter least.  And when we view our lives from an eternal vantage point, we will recognize that we are indeed agents on the Lord's errand; we will then do things his way." (Men of Valor p. 34-35)

In Doctrine and Covenants section 64:29: "Wherefore, as ye are agents, ye are on the Lord's errand; and whatever ye do according to the will of the Lord is the Lord's business."

As manly men we are recruits of the Lord, consequently we are his agents and we need to do things his way.  Of course we will take years to learn and hone those abilities, but if we know now an area we should change then we need to take steps to make that change or be held accountable not only for what we are doing and not doing, but for the good that making that change would lead to in our lives and the lives of others. 

So, bottom line, our thoughts need to be of eternal and lasting things, so that our attitudes and actions will be of eternal and lasting things.  Please make adjustments as necessary. 

"As a man thinketh in his heart so is he."  Proverbs 23:7

Homework

Look into what an affirmation is (if you don't already know) and develop 5 affirmations based on eternal values that will guide you in becoming a righteous agent of our God.