Our expectations of marriage and hope of a worthwhile relationship that will last has changed over the years. I remember 20+ years ago talking to two of my co-workers in a hospital. They were bemoaning the fact that there were not any good marriages. Well I begged to differ as I was thinking my marriage was pretty good though I knew it was not perfect. They commented that their friends were unhappy in their marriages and they feared they would be the same if they were to get married. Consequently they couldn't trust those they dated wondering what revelations would become apparent after the marriage to destroy their desired happiness.
In this day and age it has seemed the emphases is on what can go wrong in a marriage rather than what can go right. Consequently people aren't expecting or hoping for the good and can't seem to find it or see it when it is there. Instead it seems that many are expecting the bad, the ugly, or the offensive and ready to see that at every step, sometimes even when it is not there.
There was a time that people expected to be happy in marriage. The expectation was that things would turn out happily ever after, which may have been unrealistic, but nevertheless was geared toward the positive. Somehow the public relations mill has been pumping out stories of terrible marital abuse, duplicity in relationships and love that is transient. The idea has grown that love can't be maintained or controlled by humans; as if we were animals and somehow love was an instinct rather than a choice. (click here to see a previous blog about choosing to love). All of that negativity toward marriage has paid high monetary dividends to purveyors but has harmed our society as whole but more importantly has harmed couples and individuals.
Many people still enter into marriages but more prefer relationships that don't have a binding, either legal or, often, emotional. That's like skiing or snowboarding without your boots attached to the skis or board. You will come off, the only question is how long.
I ran across this song by He is We. The thought that comes to mind as I listen to this song is that there isn't any way how to tell if your relationship will be successful and secondly there isn't a whole lot a person can do about it accept live it and see what happens. As if the couple were powerless to determine the results of love rather than critical in determining the results of love. If a person thinks they can't do something, doesn't it have the same result as actually not being able to do something about it? The song mentions repeatedly wanting to skip ahead in the relationship to know how it "end up". I think this is a common concern and probably works to keep people out of binding relationships thinking it is better to dip your feet (partially commit or don't commit at all) rather than take the risk of jumping in fully committed.
See what you think of the song, "Happily Ever After" by He is We.
Here are the lyrics for the song "Happily Ever After" by He is We:
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
By the way how do we define a successful relationship and at what point can that determination be made? Some things to think about.
In this day and age it has seemed the emphases is on what can go wrong in a marriage rather than what can go right. Consequently people aren't expecting or hoping for the good and can't seem to find it or see it when it is there. Instead it seems that many are expecting the bad, the ugly, or the offensive and ready to see that at every step, sometimes even when it is not there.
There was a time that people expected to be happy in marriage. The expectation was that things would turn out happily ever after, which may have been unrealistic, but nevertheless was geared toward the positive. Somehow the public relations mill has been pumping out stories of terrible marital abuse, duplicity in relationships and love that is transient. The idea has grown that love can't be maintained or controlled by humans; as if we were animals and somehow love was an instinct rather than a choice. (click here to see a previous blog about choosing to love). All of that negativity toward marriage has paid high monetary dividends to purveyors but has harmed our society as whole but more importantly has harmed couples and individuals.
Many people still enter into marriages but more prefer relationships that don't have a binding, either legal or, often, emotional. That's like skiing or snowboarding without your boots attached to the skis or board. You will come off, the only question is how long.
I ran across this song by He is We. The thought that comes to mind as I listen to this song is that there isn't any way how to tell if your relationship will be successful and secondly there isn't a whole lot a person can do about it accept live it and see what happens. As if the couple were powerless to determine the results of love rather than critical in determining the results of love. If a person thinks they can't do something, doesn't it have the same result as actually not being able to do something about it? The song mentions repeatedly wanting to skip ahead in the relationship to know how it "end up". I think this is a common concern and probably works to keep people out of binding relationships thinking it is better to dip your feet (partially commit or don't commit at all) rather than take the risk of jumping in fully committed.
See what you think of the song, "Happily Ever After" by He is We.
Here are the lyrics for the song "Happily Ever After" by He is We:
Let me riddle you a ditty, it's just an itty bitty, little thing on my mind.
About a boy and a girl, trying to take on the world one kiss at a time.
Now the funny thing about, ain't a story without it, but the story is mine.
And I wish you could say, that it ended just fine.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
Inhale, breathe steady, exhale, like you're ready, if you're ready or not.
Just a boy and a girl trying to take on the world, and we want to get caught.
In the middle of a very happy ending, let's see what we've got, let's give it a shot.
Let's give it a shot.
We all want to know, how it ends.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
Whether we whisper or yell.
We all have a story, of adolescence and all it's glory.
We all have a story to tell.
Oh, happily ever after, wouldn't you know, wouldn't you know.
Oh, skip to the ending, who'd like to know, I'd like to know.
Author of the moment, can you tell me, do I end up, do I end up happy?
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
We all have a story to tell.
By the way how do we define a successful relationship and at what point can that determination be made? Some things to think about.
this is an awesome topic dad :) i know i've talked to people about it before - friends, coworkers, etc. in my experiences talking about it, i've seen that some people feel nervous about getting into a relationship, but that deep down, when they are honest about it, they want to have a happy relationship and do believe that it can happen (granted, i've been talking to more girls than guys about this ha). so i am glad that at least there are some people have have a positive idea about marriage and an expectation that marriage can be happy!
ReplyDeletei think the hardest thing is finding someone who is as willing as you are to put the time and effort into making a happy marriage and relationship. i feel blessed to have found that in mike! hmm and as i just read over this again, i think that it's not only finding someone who is WILLING to make the effort, but who is ABLE. i think i've seen guys who in all reality did not have the ability to put in as much effort because of other events/situations going on in life, roadblocks in life that were consuming alot of their time and thought, or they just simply had never learned how to put in that effort or exactly what was required to do so.
i think a successful relationship is one in which both people are trying their best to make the marriage a happy one :) and that means that a marriage could be judged to be successful on day 1!